(Closed) Long, but we really need help! FMIL DRAMA

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well first, sorry that you are going through this.  I would take some guidance from your FI’s reaction and kind of keep in line with it.  I do not think you can uninvite his mother, seems a bit drastic and would ruin both your relationship and your future husbands relationship with his only Parent.  I think this woman just needs to realize boundariaha and get a reality check.  If you had a finalized list of who you were inviting, and she added to it by verbally inviting people then, IMO, she needs to pay the cost , per head, of anyone she asked who is not on that list.  If she’s just asking you to mail invitations to some additional people (meaning she hasn’t asked them or they haven’t bought plane tickets) then just say , no, unfortunately my parents are graciously paying for 180 or so guests, we’ve already over invited , so any additional people you want will need to have their costs covered by you.  she may not be elated after hearing this but I will she will stop asking ! also, your Fiance needs to be the one to say this but I would be present when he does 

Post # 6
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Imean:  oh sorry!! probably proof that I should be asleep and not dishing out suggestions at am ! Lol, glad the Mother-In-Law is invited, well you know what mean, but my originpoi suggestion stands, she needs to be told that since she went against previously dispensed information regarding the guest list , and since this cousin already bought tickets , then Mother-In-Law needs to pay for cousin and any one else that she invited against wishes.  Doesn’t matter if her husband died , she shouldn’t be inviting people after you guys said no! If she suggests that you not invite someone from her original list tell her it’s not an option and that you are going to need the money to cover these people 

Post # 8
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Imean:  Are the invitations out already? I’d force the Mother-In-Law to pay for the extra person or remove one guest from the list. This is what I asked my parents to do for those “last minute” additional guests that I wasn’t close with. 

Post # 9
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Imean:  If I was in your shoes, I just wouldn’t care at this point. Tell your Fiance to deal with her and enjoy the rest of the planning. Hopefully it won’t matter that she invited a couple of extra people. He needs to tell her that it isn’t in the budget to invite any more people, though. AT ALL. She needs to respect that. I get that she feels like she has to invite everyone and I know that Latino families are tight knit and often are big, but come one, there is a budget. She has to understad that.

Post # 12
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Imean:  You shouldn’t punish the guest for the FMIL’s actions though. I know it must be frustrating since her family makes up such a large part of the wedding. Did you ask Future Mother-In-Law if she would pay for the addition? 

Post # 13
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Imean:  First, your FI’s mom isn’t obligated to throw you a shower.

 

Are you sure your Future Mother-In-Law is telling the truth that her cousin has already bought the plane ticket?  This could be a fib to make you feel pressured into allowing her to come.

 

Your Fiance should get on the phone to his mother RIGHT NOW and tell her she needs to contact cousin and apologize to her for the “misunderstanding” and tell her she is not, in fact, invited.  If she’s already bought her plane ticket, Future Mother-In-Law can offer to reimburse her for the cost of cancelling it. 

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh no. You and your fiance both need to confront her. Otherwise, this will keep happening and a much larger problem will end up occuring. Also, stop saying no to people who ask. Be consistent with your responses. 

The cousin who already purchased a plane ticket…you might have to let that one come, unless the Mother-In-Law wants to pay (but I kind of have a feeling that isn’t going to happen). I might offer to pay for it myself so my parents don’t wig out (because my mother would totally wig in this situation). 

For me, I would handle this with my fiance together, but let him do most of the talking. If that didn’t work, personally I would let my mother handle it because she is the one paying for my wedding. My mom has no problem calling someone up, or writing them a letter, and informing them that this is not their party to control, and that they have been given a very generous number of guests to invite…but that’s the absolute limit.  But I totally understand if your parents are uncomfortable with that!! 

The topic ‘Long, but we really need help! FMIL DRAMA’ is closed to new replies.

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