- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t “let” you sleep over at your fiance’s house – as you said “Her house, her rules,” and it’s not as though she’s discriminating against you for the hell of it. Clearly your Future Sister-In-Law cannot get home as easily as you can and, if your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law want any quality time with her, she probably will have to stay overnight.
Your Future Mother-In-Law has every right to create this rule and enforce as she sees fit.
Your Future Brother-In-Law is “cold” towards you – If I overheard you saying something negative to me to a third party (no matter how warranted you thought it was), cold would be an understatement of how I would act towards you following that. If you genuinely felt that you were justified in saying something like that, then saying it to his face, or getting your fiance to broach it with him would be your option. You don’t complain to mothers about their sons unless you’re looking for trouble.
Your Future Mother-In-Law trying to bring the family together – What’s wrong with that? She wants peace and harmony in her family, so of course she’s going to encourage you all to get along.
You don’t get along with your Future Sister-In-Law – That’s a shame. I’m pretty much the polar opposite of a member of my family too and, while we may not have any common ground, we can still get along and be polite to each other.
Your Future Mother-In-Law didn’t support your engagement – I’m hardly surprised from what you’ve said. It sounds as though you’re really struggling to fit into this family, and I can see her being upset about having someone marry into the family who doesn’t seem to get along with anyone else in it. However, as I said at the start, she has every right to feel upset about your engagement (everyone is entitled to their feelings/opinions). Perhaps she shouldn’t have told your fiance to delay the engagement (or made it so obvious that she was relieved when she next saw you), but if she was genuinely concerned about your and your fiance’s relationship, I’m not surprised she said something. What does surprise me, though, is that your fiance listened to what she said.
Your Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law getting engaged when you didn’t expect it isn’t necessarily to do with you.For all you know, your Future Brother-In-Law could have gotten the ring and popped the question because he was too excited – these boards are full of stories from women who got a “quicky” proposal, simply because their fiances were too excited to wait. It’s even possible that your Future Brother-In-Law though “[Fiance] wants to propose to his girlfriend, so if I get ours out of the way, that opens things up for them.”
They didn’t want to tally up their gift money in front of you – That sounds like pretty standard practice to me. I think it’s actually pretty rude to let everyone know how much money you received as gifts, especially if it means others may be privy to the amount specific people gave. Sure, you can be upset about it, but it’s really none of your business. And of course your Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law will get defensive and try to explain it if your Future Mother-In-Law has told them you were upset by this.
You told Future Mother-In-Law you were upset that Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law didn’t care about your proposal/wedding plans – Of course they’re going to act interested if you’re complaining that they’re not! And it sounds as though Future Mother-In-Law is bound to communicate more with Future Sister-In-Law because she gets along with her better. It sucks for you, but they don’t have to not communicate just because you don’t get along with them.
Your Future Mother-In-Law forcing you to go to Europe despite your wedding plans – Yes, here you definitely have a right to be pissed off. That is incredibly manipulative on her part, and her kicking your fiance’s car when she found out is just childish.
Your fiance’s birthday – If your Future Sister-In-Law isn’t comfortable with Future Brother-In-Law seeing strippers, that’s between her and him. Nothing to do with you or your fiance. It sucks he missed your fiance’s birthday, but the trouble with choosing to have a celebration at something “controversial” is that you will have people not attend.
Future Brother-In-Law and FSIL’s behaviour at your engagement party – This is also pretty disgusting, and you have every right to be angry at them. No matter how much they dislike you, they shouldn’t have acted this way. It sucks that Future Mother-In-Law sided with them; did she see their behaviour, or did someone she would trust see what happened?
It sounds as though there is a lot of drama going on here, and it sounds as though at lot of it is a result of miscommunication, misunderstandings and (in some cases) manipulation on both sides. It sounds as though, in the early days of your relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law, you two didn’t get along, and that has caused a lot more drama to arise between you and your future-in-laws.