@LMP2013: Ugh, that sounds like a very uncomfortable situation. I’m sorry you have to go through this!!
I went though several years of being with different guys and being fairly strict about what was OK and what was not, because I had the conviction that I only wanted to cross certain boundaries with someone I love, who loves me, and with whom I have a stable long-term relationship. So I can understand the need to put limits on yourself. When I found someone who was committed to me, and to whom I was committed, and it felt right, my boundaries changed.
BUT, I think that it’s entirely natural to want sex of some kind with someone you love and desire, regardless of whether you’re married or not– but I don’t have a value system that asks me to abstain from sex if I’m unmarried/not engaged– I think that if you love someone and are committed to them, sex and sexy behavior are OK! But, I think you and your SO, particularly, have rather different boundaries than I do, from what you’ve said about his/your moral decision to abstain– and I completely respect that.
The thing is (and I really don’t mean to sound rude or unpleasant by saying this :)), you and your SO agreed to abstain from sexual activity. It sounds like he’s more interested in sticking to the decision than you are (sounds like it was his idea in the first place)– so from what you said, it seems like he’s got more invested in sticking to this than you do. (I’m definitely not trying to be insulting to you– just putting ideas out there!) Thus, when you ask him to change the way you two decided to behave, he’s being pretty resistant, probably because of his underlying reason to do this at all; if it was a very serious commitment to change your behavior as a couple, I can understand why he is rejecting your requests for sex, especially since he thought of it first. He has a strong-enough feeling about this to reject his lovely, sexy girlfriend’s advances, which I imagine is probably physically and emotionally rather unpleasant for him!
That said, I also TOTALLY understand how, even though it was basically a mutual decision to not have sex, you feel rejected and hurt when he turns you down. That, I think, is COMPLETELY normal and how I would feel in a similar situation. Plus I think that depriving oneself of closeness, intimacy, and stress-relieving activities with your partner isn’t the greatest, unless doing so before marriage or for some other reason gives you major mental, emotional, or spiritual pain, in which case it’s a trade-off and both partners need to decide, and communicate about, what is more important to them.
My suggestion would be to talk to him and say you’d like to reevaluate the decision you both made, because it doesn’t feel like the right one to you now (or something like that). Also, if both of you decide to continue abstinence, I think it would be helpful for you to agree on an end-date or something. Maybe not a goal that has to be reached first– because goals can get delayed for a zillion reasons and I can imagine that kind of situation potentially becoming very contentious.
Have you asked him, or do you know, exactly why he suggested this? Perhaps, if you don’t already know, hearing him tell you his reasons more clearly will help you deal with your mutual decision.
Good luck, and I hope you work through this!