(Closed) Long distance brides Do you know where you will live?

posted 10 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We are in a similar position only we’ll actually be moving with about 11 months to go until the wedding. I say we, because we are both moving. I am leaving my beloved home away from home where I settled after college and he is leaving his hometown where he returned after college and we are settling close to my hometown.

We figured it out after analyzing the fact that I love cities but he does not. He loves small tiny towns and I do not. Where I live is too big for him, where he lives is too small for me – where I grew up is a happy medium for both of us. Additionally, we knew wanted to be near one family or the other. It was also a matter of job market; we recognized it would be very difficult for me to find a job in his area, whereas he is a teacher and has a more portable profession. Let’s face it – teachers are needed everywhere. With that said, he just recently resigned from a teaching position he has held and loved for 7 years to take another position in a new district and it has been hard for him and scary, but he is excited to start our new life.

We are still in the process of securing my new job and locating an apartment and/or buying a house so the process continues. It does not come together easily, but it does fall into place bit by bit so do your research, be honest with each other about your needs/wants/desires and find a way to make things as mutually agreeable as possible. Best of luck and, of course, congratulations!

Post # 4
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

yes, I do know where I/we will be living.

His job made the decision for us. My Fiance is a postdoc and he was expecting to be at his current university for at least 2 years. He signed his 2nd year contract June 3 so we know he has a job until Sept ’09 and I will be heading up to live with him. We currently live over 800 miles apart.

its very possible that things will fall into place in your situation. At this point, I have no idea where I will be working when I move there, but I’m not exceptionally concerned with that right now, lol. I have faith that it will all work out for our good. My backgroud is in Finance and thats a pretty versatile background.

9 months is plenty of time to get things straightened out. Begin to look at what you 2 really need&want as a couple and determine which city best matches with that. OR depending upon each person’s career, the person with the more flexible career move to the person who is more established/has a contract/makes more money.



Post # 5
1020 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

well, our decision was easy for many reasons:

[1] where he currently lives is both of our hometown, and i love it there and really still consider it home.

[2] both of our families still live there.

[3] i am only away because of school and am graduating soon. thus, i will need to look for a job somewhere anyway, so why not there?

[4] he is in a band and cannot leave the guys.


but anyway, my suggestion for you is to talk to your guy and really weigh out the options. is one of you more attached to a certain place than the other? which of you has more options for finding a new job in the new town? is one of the places more familiar to you both? where are your closest friends and families? who makes the most money or has the most promising career currently? 

Post # 6
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Struggling with this very issue.  My job ends next June, and in order to obtain an academic position we’re probably going to have to move.

C. and I have been long distance for 2 years(!) and he just finally moved to be with me, and now he’s establishing a career in Seattle.  It would be really hard to uproot him so early his career, but then again my career path in academics will come to a screeching halt if we stay.

I told C. that the next move is his, but of course he wants what is best for both of us… so we end up struggling to figure out the issue almost everyday.

I’m lining up alternative possibilities here while we look for stuff at home in California too.

Not a simple issue, but I think we’re getting through it by putting each other’s needs before our own and discussing it frequently and then taking breaks.

Good luck! 

Post # 7
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

always a tough one!  we’re very lucky in that FI’s position is flexible and he can work from almost anywhere in the world, which has made being together much easier.  when we decided to be together and end the long-distance part of the relationship, there was much negotiating and weighing of options in the decision of where to locate.  in the end, we factored in where each of us likes to live (city/country, specific states), what qualities were important to us (availability of activities/interests/culture), job prospects and cost of living.  once we narrowed it down to three, circumstances chose for us – the job i planned on leaving made us a better offer. so, it just goes to show that things can fall into place. 🙂

i would agree with the others and think carefully about what is important to each of you, be it location, job opportunities, proximity to family, whatever.  once you have your individual lists, match them up – figure out where the common areas are and what you can be flexible about.  then find locations that make sense.  it may be that one of you moves, but it may also work out that both of you move together to someplace entirely new.

Post # 8
24 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

We based it on who had more flexibility in their field–FI wants to be a teacher, which means that he can go pretty much anywhere, but I work at a non-profit in a pretty specific area of focus which makes it more difficult for me to uproot and move. I’m sure we’ll still be worrying about this for a few years. Leaving your job is scary…but who knows, it might be the best thing that ever happens to you (besides getting married!).

Post # 9
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well, I don’t think that it’s just going to solve itself.  Fiance and I started out as a long-distance relationship, and agreed pretty early on that I would look for a job in the town where he lives (which happens to be the town where I grew up).  I thought at the time that it would be hard to find a job, so decided that if I could get contract work that would be good enough.  However, once I really started looking things just fell into place.

If both of you are willing to move that is great, but in the end it’s probably easier if only one of you does – that way at least one of you has some continuity.  Or you could just pick a whole new city that you both like, but I think that it’s possible that both of you looking for new jobs at the same time could get a little crazy.  If you’re both career people, then compromise is always going to be the name of the game.  I have several married friends who make a practice of alternating – this move will be for his career, the next one for hers, and etc.  In our case it made more sense for me to move, as his kids were still in high school.  We have decided that once both kids are out of the house, we will both take jobs somewhere fun (lots of opportunity in our field in England) and do some travelling!

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