(Closed) Long distance bridesmaids – bridal shower

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

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dreamr12:  I have bridesmaids in Boston, Detroit, and New Jersey and as far as I know all are intending on being at my bridal shower in two weeks. The one in detroit made a special effort and I wouldn’t have been upset if she couldn’t come. The people that love you will make the extra effort and because you love them, you’ll know they made the effort and if they can’t come, you’ll totally understand it. 

Post # 3
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Maid/Matron of Honor is in Pennsylvania and my other Bridesmaid or Best Man is in North Carolina. I live in Tennessee, and my bridal shower will probably be in North Carolina. The Bridesmaid or Best Man in North Carolina doesn’t have a car, and I don’t know if Maid/Matron of Honor will be able to make it whenever my bridal shower takes place. I’m going to tell them when it is but let them know that attendance is totally optional. Of course I’ll be thrilled if they can make it, but given their situations, I will understand if they can’t come.

Post # 4
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding soon in Brooklyn and 4 of the Bridesmaids are out of state (Montreal, DC, Connecticut, LA). The one from Montreal is coming to the Bridal Shower, but she’s the only out of state Bridesmaid or Best Man who can make it. I think most people can’t take two out of state trips in such close proximity, you know?

Post # 5
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Hey there! I have two bridesmaids that are out of state, one is in Cali and the other is in Seattle. All of the wedding events and the actual wedding is going to be in Texas. Sadly, they will not be going to my bridal shower or my bachelorette party. Life happens and they just can’t afford to fly back and forth for all of my events. I completely understand and as long as they are able to make it to my wedding, that’s all that matters. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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dreamr12:  I had two bridesmaids and a Maid/Matron of Honor – both bridesmaids lived 4-6 hours via plane away, the Maid/Matron of Honor lived an hour away by car. There was no point in trying to coordinate any event for my bridesmaids to attend – it would have cost them a ton of time and money just to show up for one afternoon or evening, and I was trying to make things as easy for them as possible. My Maid/Matron of Honor planned and attended all events.

Ultimately, one bridesmaid was able to attend my shower by pure coincedence (she was visiting family in my city during the week of my shower), but neither girl could make it to my bachelorette (my Maid/Matron of Honor invited all my local friends, instead). 

Honestly, I didn’t give it a second thought. I was so psyched that they were able to do all the travelling for the wedding that I couldn’t have cared less about any of the other events.

Post # 7
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

I would ask them if there is a date that might work well for them within your available dates, letting them know that if none of them work you totally understand. That way you are showing that you made an effort so nobody feels intentionally left out, and it gives you better chances of them being able to make it, but if they can’t nobody has hard feelings. 

Post # 8
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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dreamr12:  I had 5 bridesmaids in 5 different cities. The only event everyone was present for was our wedding ahha. It sucked, but it wasn’t reasonable to expect everyone to be able to come to everything with such a distance (then you add in work schedules, some not having vehicles, kids… it gets even crazier).

If I were you I wouldn’t expect them to all come all the time, you might find yourself disappointed. Just enjoy your events and appreciate who can be there. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
6534 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s really unreasonable to expect either of them to travel such a great distance for a shower. If they offer, obviously don’t turn them away, but I’d plan on neither being there.

Post # 10
Member
30391 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If my bridesmaids lived in another city, I would actively discourage them from having any thought of attending the shower. I simply would not be comfortable with them spendiing that kind of money on top of their existing wedding-related expenses. If that means no shower for me, I’m ok with that.

Post # 12
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

How about setting up a Skype session so they can virtually take part?

Post # 13
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I was a 5-hour drive from my brother’s wedding, but was surprised that my SIL’s sisters actually made no effort to invite me or any of my other sisters. We would have gone. So I think it is nice when people do try to include those at a distance, though of course you will understand if they ultimately cannot make it.

Post # 14
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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dreamr12:  My bridesmaids asked me what dates wouldn’t work for me and then they discussed a date for the shower/bachelorette party amongst themselves. For the record, I have 4 out of state bridesmaids- two in CA, one in OH, one in NC and the rest of us are in FL (varying between 4 and 2 hours away from eachother). It is difficult to work with so many schedules but they should be able to figure it out without stressing you out. If you can, tell your maid of honor what works for you and ask her to pick a weekend with the other girls. 4 hours away shouldn’t be too hard!

 

**Edit: Of course I wouldn’t be upset if one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man couldn’t make it due to distance. I know they all would love to come but sometimes it isn’t feasible. The main reason I am doing my bridal shower and bach party the same weekend is because if the Out of Town bridesmaids are able to come, I want them to be able to attend both parties! 🙂

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by bluelinebride.
Post # 15
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

4 of my BMs are a plane ride away, including my Maid/Matron of Honor. Fortunately all of our hometowns are within an hour of each other. We decided to have my shower on a holiday weekend since a few of them were thinking about coming home for the holiday anyway. 2 of the 4 long distance BMs will attend my shower. A few of my in-town relatives are peeved that it’s on a holiday weekend, but it was more important to me to have my BMs there!

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