Long distance – can it ever work?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

megaleg2019 :  I would give him some more time to respond before jumping to the conclusion that he didn’t mean he really wanted you to visit. I assume he has a job, so he might be trying to figure out if those dates worked and hasn’t been able to get back to you yet as he’s tied up with work stuff.

If you like this guy, and he likes you (sounds like he does) it’s worth exploring! I’ve seen long distance work with my friends, but the only way I would go into a long distance relationship is if I knew at some point, it wouldn’t be.

Like I would never move away from where I live, so if I met someone in another location, and they also refused to ever relocate, I’d probably call it quits before it even started because I wouldn’t be ok with long distance for a long period of time (like over a year). So, just some things to think about for the future..

Post # 4
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee

I was long-distance with my Boyfriend or Best Friend until fairly recently. So yes, it can work! My situation was similar to yours: we met in college, he graduated 3 years ahead of me, and I visited him a handful of times while he was in grad school. I wanted a relationship, but he was nervous about the distance. After a couple more years, he decided he was ready.

I agree with futuremrs2020, who said you should always have a goal in mind for when the long-distance will end. That means one or both of you planning to move. For us, we were LD for 3 years while living with our parents, then moved in together (closer to him). If you are serious about this guy, have that talk early and often.

Post # 5
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

It’s very likely he shares the same feelings as you…

Just be honest with him, talk it out.  Even if there’s no clear solution right now it doesn’t mean you can’t keep exploring the relationship.  You two clearly have a connection so why not try?  All you can do is take it one day at a time.

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

Well I can’t speak to your specific circumstances, but my husband and I have been long distance (several states apart) for five years and will be for the foreseeable future (work) and it’s going just fine. 

Post # 8
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

My now husband and I were long distance for 4 years at the end of college. Colorado to Minnesota. We only saw each other for 4 days at spring break, a few days when he was home from school on Christmas break, and a decent amount when he was home in the summer. Long distance is expensive, the traveling can wear on you.

its also not for everyone, and your communication skills need to be solid. You need to have clear and honest expectations for how often you expect to communicate and how. Skype daily? Text throughout the day? Phone call at night? Every couple of days? What if your regular talk plan gets messed up one night? How do you feel about him going out with friends that include females? What’s your expectation for frequency of visiting? I was the only one who visited my husband since he was back where I was already for breaks. 

Long distance relationships can get in a pattern of avoiding problems because you want to wait to talk in person, but then in person you want to just enjoy your time together. How will you tackle issues?

Realistically, how long can you go before one of you plans to end the distance? Who is most likely to move? Are there good job opportunities? Will you immediately move in together or set up separately to test the new stage of a relationship?

Lastly, I will say my relationship is incredibly strong, and we have excellent communication, a healthy respect for each other’s personal time, and a healthy appreciation for our time together. My best friend was also long distance with her husband for 4 years and I see similar traits in them. If you can survive and thrive in an LDR, I truly believe it makes your relationship stronger. I am a firm believer in LDRs for the right people. We both have busy and challenging work schedules and I credit our LDR for how well we are now able to handle lonely evenings alone and not building up resentment about work, because it’s still better than 1000 miles apart.

Also consider your love language. Hubby is a words of affirmation person and I am a quality time person. Both of us are a little bit of touch as well. Because we could get by on nice words and long Skype dates we were still happy, and then we grew to a whole other level when we could physically be around each other regularly. But if you need kinesthetic touch to feel loved? Or quality time has to be in person for you? Then LDRs may not work.

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