Post # 1
Are there any other Bees out there with long distance BFs/fiances/husbands?
My fiance and I have been in a long distance relationship for most of the time we have known each other. I’m a medical resident in the midwest, finishing up my 4th year of residency (I have 5 total). My fiance works at his dream job in California. We got engaged last October, and are getting married one week after I graduate from residency in June 2018.
My friends tell me all the time how impressed they are with how we have managed to do long distance for so long (it will be 5 years this fall, since we spent my final year of med school apart as well) and it drives me crazy to be congratulated for something that causes me so much agony. We have gotten through it, and I don’t think our relationship has ever really suffered, but it has been SO HARD.
I’m feeling particularly emotional/mopey/depressed today because my fiance was supposed to come into town tonight for a long weekend visit. I haven’t seen him in over a month, and I was really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, he has been having some back pain issues recently and just had an MRI and was diagnosed with a herniated disc. Yesterday and today it’s been really bad and he can’t sit without a lot of pain, so he cancelled his flight. The flights are too expensive (over 1000$) at this short notice for me to book one to go see him this weekend.
We have gone longer periods of time without seeing each other, but this is the first time we have ever had to cancel a trip so close, and I just feel so down about it. I really miss him.
Is there anyone out there who wants to commiserate with me about how awful long distance is?
Post # 2
I’m right there with you. We’ve been doing 1300 mile long distance for years 🙁 We’ve been together for 4 years 🙂 We only see each other twice a year.
I know what you are saying. Friends just don’t understand how hard it really is.
Maybe you guys could watch a movie tonight, or thus weekend, over facetime?
Keep plugging along!
Post # 3
I’m sorry, Bee. 🙁
My SO and I have been long distance for about 9 months while we complete our master’s programs in different states. We were lucky to have a year together in the same place beforehand, though, and our programs are only 2 years and we will get to spend the summer together. We’re also lucky it’s only an hour plane ride and our schedules have worked out to seeing each other a couple times a month. But, SO currently lives in the northeast and his flight in to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year got canceled. It was awful and was a month before we got to see each other again, and we have another month apart coming up as he finishes up the semester and is super busy/out of the country for projects.
I can’t imagine 5 years! Kudos to you guys (even though you don’t feel good about it). Some days are hard — I’m assuming you’ll end the long distance once you’re married? Just keep on keeping on and focus on that light at the end of the tunnel.
Post # 4
alletheottb : That’s a good idea! I might try that.
Twice a year! Gosh, that would be so hard. 🙁
Post # 5
npoliver : Ugh, the cancelled flights are the worst! And on Valentines day too… that would just have been awful.
That’s so nice that you guys get to see each other pretty often. And the end of your distance is in sight 🙂
Yes, we won’t be long distance anymore after I graduate. I’m going to find a job–hopefully in his town, but if not then we will relocate together. I do feel like I’m finally in the home stretch. Just 14 more months!
Post # 6
I feel ya, bee. FI and I have spent almost 4 years of our relationship doing long distance. It really took a toll on me emotionally for a while before we got engaged last May. Now I feel like there’s finally a light at the end of the tunnel, as we’ll be getting married this summer and will be moving in together then.
We had a very similar situation happen earlier this year– FI was planning on visiting for Valentine’s Day but had to cancel his trip three days before due to illness. Though I totally understood his reason, it was really crushing to have looked forward to his visit for so long, only to have our plans scrapped last minute.
Just hang in there bee! Long distance is truly awful, but it makes those moments where you finally get to see each other again so special.
Post # 7
missjoy0819 : Thanks so much for the encouragement, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding and the end of the distance!!!
Post # 8
I feel you! We’ve been long distance the entirety of our 2.5 year ‘official’ relationship, about 1400 miles. We see each other.. maybe 3-4 times a year? And it sucks because, while we would LOVE to live closer and do the ‘typical’ dating before jumping in deeper, that’s just not feasible since it would be really difficult to coordinate roommates wherever he is stationed, I couldn’t afford living on my own, yet to live together we’d have to be married (military). And obviously for that same reason, he is unable to be the one to move to me. Our situation is that where he is currently stationed he actually gets to have an apartment, so it’s the perfect time to move in and let things progress.
We did have something happen where we ended up cancelling things just a month beforehand and the whole thing was incredibly upsetting. We got past it and are better than ever, and I did see him for New Years. We also managed to fly me up where he is now in early March to visit and see the area, and we both paid for my flight. I HOPE to see him over the summer but we also would like to go to Germany in the fall and I’m looking for jobs to move there, so the summer might have to be put on hold to see how the other two possibilities pan out.
It is hard sometimes! Mostly we deal with missing each other and talk constantly and Skype 3 out of 4 days. We try to still have relaxing evenings, go to bed together, little date nights, cook together, lazy weekend mornings together, etc. A LOT of Netflix. What is hard are the deployments, and they haven’t even been hard at all, relative to the experiences of many others.
I’m so ready to just BE THERE. It’s been a long process to work on mentally and emotionally preparing, as I’ll be leaving EVERYTHING and EVERYONE here in my home state. But it really does feel like the RIGHT time in every way – as long as I can find a job. I have that motivation to work on things and apply to jobs to try and speed things up, but I can understand where you feel stuck for the time being!!!
Post # 9
We are currently an hour flight apart (in different countries), and will be until about a year after we get married 🙁 Some days are easier than others- tonight is the start of our “weekend” and I got home and just wanted to crawl into bed and cry because we aren’t together this weekend- for no reason other than I really miss him tonight.
I totally get it, and wish I had some encouraging words for you, but know you aren’t the only one?
Post # 10
I almost feel bad for commenting, because my distance isn’t as far.
My bf is a 3 hour drive away, and we’ve been doing long distance for about 8 months. We only had a month of getting to know each other before he had to go to a job site. I see him pretty much every other weekend (he works every other weekend), but with other things going on in our lives, it’s typically only bits of 4 days a month. Sometimes he is told he has to work his off weekend last minute. The longest we’ve been apart is a month. The tentative end date for long distance for us is June or July (that’s the hope anyway).
It sucks though. I feel like I’m almost single when he’s not here. ☹️ And the time we get together never feels like enough. I was really depressed about it a couple weeks ago (though I’m pretty sure now my bc was making me crazy and hormonal, but still). I also got mad because he made the comment that he doesn’t see us as long distance. I felt like telling him, “You betta recognize!”
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2016 - Beach
My husband stopped traveling for work FOR GOOD about 6 months ago. I can definitely relate and know the loneliness you’re going through. He would be gone for MONTHS at a time and we have 2 little children. It sucked going solo to birthday parties or family get-together’s. It’s not the same as being in person but we used Skype a lot and would schedule a “date” and have dinner and drinks together after the kids would go to bed. It helps with the distance and I thank my lucky stars we have that kind of technology. I can’t even imagine how tough it must have been for past generations.
Post # 12
Hi bee, I just want to chime in that I totally feel you. Long distance sucks! And there’s not much more that can be said about it… FI and I did long distance twice, for 1 year and then for almost 2 years (both times international!!). It was really hard, and I often felt really lonely. But the light at the end of the tunnel always made me feel better.
We would talk every night when we were long distance, and we had these words we would say to each other to say good night, the same words each night. Having that nightly ritual really helped me, like it was a piece of FI I could hold onto and always count on.
You are almost done and I hope yall can reschedule a visit very soon!
Post # 13
laynita : thank you for the encouragement! I’m glad to hear you made it through your periods of long distance successfully 🙂
bubblescomere : I’m happy to hear your husband is done with the traveling! it must be quite a relief
knotyet : the length of the distance doesn’t matter when it limits how often you get to see each other! I hope everything works out for you 🙂
kmeris : I’m so sorry you’re feeling sad today 🙁 it’s never easy but sometimes the lonely weekends are just the worst. I hope you get to see each other soon
wildflower3 : the military must complicat long distance even more than it already is! Thanks for the commiseration and good luck to you!! I hope everything works out!
Post # 14
After finals (two weeks from now), BF and I will begin somewhat long distance (3 hour drive, and he plans to come back most weekends). After the summer he has one more semester and I will have a job somewhere probably further than 3 hours, and we will be long distance for the following 4 months, after which he is going to try to get a job in my city, wherever that is. I pretty much have to take a leap of faith he will follow me, and we are hoping to be engaged by about that time. And all of this was worked out in the past two days…
I did long distance with my ex for most of our 3-year relationship, and it sucked. I felt like we missed out on so much, and maybe if we hadn’t been long distance, we could have figured out sooner we weren’t right for each other.
Praying for you Bee. It’s hard, but you’re almost there. *hugs*
Post # 15
My FI and I did long-distance (really, really long distance-we were 10,000 miles apart) for 14 months and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I don’t think people who haven’t been there realize the physical pain involved. Like, it wasn’t just that I was lonely and missed him, I had this physical heaviness all the time when we were apart…
So kudos to you-5 years! I honestly can’t even imagine… Just keep your eye on the prize, and try your best to stay busy. I had a bit of long distance experience before I got with FI that made me balk at the ‘absence makes the heart grow stronger’ stuff. But now that I’ve lived it successfully I can tell you from experience – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger! Think of it this way-2 years down the line when you’re finally together you’ll have the memories to keep you from taking the little stuff for granted. Your starting your marriage having already made this incredible sacrifice for each other.
You have so much to look forward to Bee. Best of luck!