Long Distance Commiseration

posted 5 months ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 16
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My husband and I were long distance (10hr plane trip) for just over a year and it really did suck! I can understand why you’re feeling down- that is such a dissapointment. But hang in there!!! And I hope your fiance feels better, herniated discs are not nice. Tell him not to rush it!

Post # 17
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Its awful isn’t it!  You try to talk and video and share things throughout your day but it’s just not the same as being together – do you have an end in sight?

I live in the US and my fiance is 7,000 miles away in a different continent – 6 hour time difference and about 18 hours via plane. We have been like this our whole relationship and try to go no more than about 5 months without seeing each other. We hope it will end soon! 

I will say I think it makes the relationship stronger though – most people cant do long distance, so your communication is better and when you’re (finally!) together its better. 

Post # 18
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

mariana1114 :  Oh, I hate it when people tell me that absence quote! It’s awful too, because people who haven’t done it, truly don’t understand it. They ask annoying rhetorical questions about independence and hanging with friends etc. But all that is ridiculous, because yes, I have friends I go o with, yes I have hobbies and other interests, and I’m very close to my family. However, none of that changes the fact that I miss him, and I’m always subconsciously aware he isn’t here. I don’t think it’s too much too understand that I’m going to be bit a bit bummed if I haven’t seen my SO in 3 weeks. 

Post # 22
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

My birthday and my anniversary are next week and we can’t be together.  I’ve been a mess all week and have been feeling very depressed because I miss my husband so much.  Soon after we got married, I had to move 2000km away for work in an isolated place, where I can’t just hop on a plane or drive down and see him for the weekend.  It’s a sacrifice that will benefit us in the long term but it’s so hard, especially on top of having to deal with the challenges of living in an isolated place.  I get to spend all summer with him but I have to come back for one more year of this.  I’m trying my best but it’s not very easy.  I feel you, hugs.

Post # 24
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee

Two years bee! My problem is opposite from you however, since he’s self-employed his schedule is very dependent on what work comes up (or rather if it doesn’t come up). This means that he doesn’t know when he’s coming to see me until about two days before any trip.

We live about an hour’s flight apart so last minute tickets can get very expensive. Most days it’s okay, but some days when you’re done it really eats at you not knowing when you’re going to see him next. Hang in there!

Post # 25
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I feel you. She lives in California, I live in Texas. We’ve been together for years and been long distance the entire time and it’s really, really hard – we only see each other twice a year. We do lots of facetime calls and watching things together over instant messenger – we also pretty much hang out in a chat window all the time that we’re just around the house doing nothing, which is as close as we can get to being in the same room right now. We’re on the downhill side of our LD situation – she’s graduating this summer and moving out here, thank God, which I only tell you to emphasize that you WILL hit the light at the end of the tunnel eventually. Seriously, free facetime calls and making “dates” to watch movies long-distance are lifesavers, it lets you still feel connected as best you can. Hang in there – you’ll get through this. 

Post # 27
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Esplanade Lakes Ballroom, Downers Grove IL

sparkosity :  I’m so so sorry, bee! My tipping point is about 6 weeks too, and if he had to break that I would start to lose my shit. And I can only imagine how overworked and tired you must feel if you’re in a residency program. If it helps any, I’ve also been long distance my entire relationship (2.5 years) and we won’t be together until we get married next year (so 4 years in total). I’ve always gone to weddings alone and I didn’t really start to feel it until recently. Is there any way you can borrow money from your parents or a sibling to go visit him? I’m sure he would love some support with this back pain. Or, maybe if you can’t go to him, can you go somewhere else to get your mind off of things? Maybe you’re homesick and you could make a trip to your hometown instead? Or go see a friend? I know it’s not at all the same thing, but situations like this can create a downward spiral of loneliness…hang in there bee! We are rooting for you!

Post # 28
Member
1031 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I can commiserate. We had 2 months in the same place, then 8 months of being on different continents and not seeing each other at all – only having a weekly skype conversation. Then I came back to his country last Sept; we had a few days in the same place, a week apart in different towns an overnight ferry ride apart, two weeks or so together, three months apart, a week together, three months apart. His work surprisingly sent him to the town I’m living in at the end of March, so long distance is over now, but over the summer he’ll probably be away a lot, and then Oct/Nov I’ll be away. 

It’s been tough, there’ve been tears, skype calls are frustrating because sometimes the internet is awful, and when we’re in the same country but different towns, I think “Great, at least we can phone every day”, but there are often phone network problems too.

But we’ve stuck it out. Phonecalls and skype have enabled us to have a lot of conversations about important things. While I was home and we didn’t see each other for 8 months, we read through a workbook on intercultural relationships together, so that gave us plenty of food for discussion. When I got back to his country, he came and met me at the airport and it was so great to see him again.

14 months is still a long while for you, but at least there’s a date when it’ll come to an end. I think it will get easier once you it the year mark and know that “this time next year we’ll be together”.

During these 6 weeks, even if you can’t visit him, can you think of other ways to encourage him – sending a card, sending him a book/something else he’d enjoy doing while sitting? Or maybe you guys can read a book together. I don’t know what you already do to keep in touch across the distance but maybe you can use this time to find new ways to do so, to give you something else to focus on.

Post # 30
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I understand what you’re going through. My FI and I are high school sweethearts and we went to different universities. I was in Texas, he was in Florida. If I tally up the total amount of days we’ve spent together in person, it’ll probably be just a total of 1.5-2 years. This May marks our 7 years of being together! 

Now we’re engaged since Jan. 2016. We haven’t gotten a wedding date yet because of his job. He’s in the military so I won’t see him for another 10 months, and the military might send him somewhere asap after so we still can’t plan a wedding! It’s extremely frustrating. 

It’s always going to be hard to find someone who will understand what you’re going through. Thank goodness for weddingbee, right!? 

Whenever you’re feeling down, just think about how much it’ll be worth it when you see him again. What you and your fiancee are going through will make your relationship stronger. You’re doing what many people would never ever do. You’re strong for going through long distance. 

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