Post # 1
I’m sure there’s a bunch of threads along these lines in the Waiting boards, but I just need to get some stuff off my chest and hopefully hear some words of encouragement from all the other wonderful Waiting Bees.
I’ll have been with my wonderful SO for a year come December 18th, but it feels like much longer because we’ve known each other for over three years. We’re a bit different from a lot of relationships because we started dating after being in love for over a year (albeit long distance) and finally decided to make it work with the intention of getting married. So I guess I’ve been waiting for most of our relationship? He’s a state park ranger about four hours from where I’m living with my parents, and I’m trying to generate enough cash flow with my freelance writing business so I can get an apartment near him. Sadly, that’s been going slowly because my dad is recovering from a heart attack and I’ve been trying to help Mom out as much as possible.
Anyway, this is really my first Christmas season in a serious relationship, and I’m just now learning how much it sucks to see engagement announcements popping up every time I log onto Facebook! Seriously, it’s only the 4th, and I’ve seen two announcements in two days! I know for a fact SO isn’t proposing this year, but seeing all the announcements makes me miss him even more. Not to mention the people getting engaged are either younger than me or have been dating for a short amount of time.
And to top it all off, I’m dreading after New Year’s because SO leaves for ten weeks of police academy so he can start doing law enforcement as a park ranger. He’s got a week of orientation with the other park rangers in the middle of this month too, which conflicts directly with my commencement ceremony for my Masters program and our one-year anniversary. I don’t hold it against him by any means, but I am sad that we have to be apart during those two huge milestones. I really don’t know when to expect a proposal, because he wants to get all his finances in a row and stable first, and park rangers don’t exactly make a lot of money.
Anyway, thank you Bees for listening! I would very much appreciate some advice for how to get through all of this!
Post # 3
It sucks to be the only girl not dancing, doesn’t it? I would put myself on a self imposed Facebook Embargo as much as possible, we didn’t have to put up with crap like that when I got engaged…so I can only imagine how much harder that makes things.
How about you treat yourself to something nice…maybe in a sparkly right hand ring, or a necklace…something that says, ” This Christmas, I proposed to myself and…I SAID YES!” Its ok, and it doesn’t make you weird….because it gets you through this part.
New Year’s Eve is complicated, but also full of possibilities. If he’s going to be gone, and that’s sad, I’m sorry….why not have a BIG GIRLY SLUMBER PARTY and ring in 2014 with nail painting, andhair braiding, and popcorn and peanut butter cups all night long?
Post # 4
@Nona99: Thank you so much for replying! Money is a little tight right now, but I’ll see what I can do in terms of treating myself 🙂 SO isn’t leaving until the 5th, so I’m going to cram as much time in with him as possible until then. I’ll probably still cry like a baby when we have to say goodbye though… What also stinks is that I really don’t have many friends here right now. I moved back in with my parents temporarily after getting my Masters, so most of my friends are either back in Charleston where I went to school, dispersed all over the place, or are the other rangers where SO works (They’ve all pretty much accepted me into the ranger family, hehe). Maybe I’ll go visit my best friend in Pennsylvania for that girly slumber party after he leaves 🙂
Post # 5
@SilvanArrow: OP, I know that it’s hard and it doesn’t seem ‘fair’….but the proposals/weddings/baby annoucements were starting to wear me down and made me focus on WHAT I DIDN’T HAVE!
I had to get off of the website altogether, I didn’t delete my account but I disabled it. And I’ve not looked back!! Maybe this will help you too!
I also wrote a post here about how you can handle not getting a proposal this holiday season. As Nona said, you HAVE to do something nice for yourself. I’ve bought myself a right hand ring, got a new hair cut/style/color, went shopping for some new clothes, and fingers crossed, I’m going to the spa and getting a new purse (right now I feel like saving money is over rated!!!!!!!).
If there’s no extra funds, maybe you can also consider doing something to give back to the community to volunteering at a food bank or working at an animal shelter. These things will make you feel good about you and help you focus less on the proposal.
Hang in there!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House
We were lucky in the sense that my FI proposed before I moved to go to my Masters program…not in my plans by the way, I think he just wanted to have that done before I moved a plane ride away for 2.5 years.
However, I still completely feel your pain. We’ve now been engaged since October 2011…I’ve seen many people get engaged and married in that time, and yeah, it SUCKS. I still get that inadvertent twinge of jealousy when I see someone get engaged, because up until about a month ago, those people were probably going to get married before us!
Also, I just want to say that now that I am finishing my program (congrats to you as well!!) and moving to be with him (I think permanently, but there are still a lot of things up in the air on the job front) it all has been worth it. We have grown so much as individuals, and are really ready to start working for our future together.
Totally off-topic, but FI is from Charleston, and that’s where we are getting married! 🙂
Post # 7
Thank you so much for all the kind words so far!
@veryberry13: I only wish I could disable Facebook, but I kind of need it for business networking. Still, I’m going to try and stay off of it as much as possible! I’m feeling some Christmas shopping this weekend to get my mind off of things 🙂
@lizzieb: Congrats on your Masters as well and for moving to be with your FI! I finished my program over the summer, but I’m going back for the commencement next weekend. Long-distance definitely isn’t easy, but I completely agree that it’s helped us grow as individuals so that we’ll be kicking butt even more once we’re in the same place! And have so much fun getting married in Charleston! Part of me wants to get married there too, because SO and I have lots of good memories there and our future officiant and tons of friends. I just hope it wouldn’t break the bank getting married in such a popular city!
Post # 8
@SilvanArrow: Ugh…i remember what that was like. No fun. 🙁
When my husband and I were dating, we spent our first 2 years apart. He lived in Ireland and me in the states. He had to miss my college graduation and the holidays were always hard. 🙁
Spend extra time with family and friends and try and take care of yourself. xo
Post # 9
Yup. It can really really suck. The facebook announcements, the couples who have dated only six months and are engaged (while you’ve been going on 3 or 4 years….). I find that it has taken me a lot of effort to be happy for other people who are getting engaged or married now. But I’m still trying to make the effort.
What really bugs me though is the “post-Holiday hand check”. You know, when your well-meaning (or incredibly nosy friend and family members) grab your left hand soon after Christmas to inspect it. Happened to me three times last year. :/
Post # 10
@plum_pudding: Oh gosh, I didn’t even think of the hand check! I had a friend run over and do that once while I was at swing dance and telling another friend that I had found out my ring size. I must have been holding my hand in such a way that it looked like I had a ring on it. So embarrassing! I’m also kind of dreading questions from the family. I’ve never brought a guy home to meet the extended family, and my one aunt was always asking why I wasn’t dating anyone when I was growing up. Oh well, SO’s adoptive grandmother assumed we were engaged over Thanksgiving, and it kind of made me giddy, so maybe it won’t be too bad 🙂
Post # 11
@SilvanArrow: Oh, I know!
Facebook can be nice, but also, reallly annoying!
I have changed my settings on some people in the past, so I don’t get to see their updates in my feed. It might be silly (and I sometimes feel bad for doing it), but it does give you a little more peace and quiet.
And not being able to be with the person you want to be with right now is hard, but it makes you thankful for the times you do have together!
My point is, you know you have found “the one”. (a lot of people would be very jealous of that!)
I understand it’s really hard being genuinely happy for other people, and it might not be a perfect situation, but try to enjoy the people you do have around you (like your parents, this might be the last holiday season you spend with them while living at home), and miss your boyfriend! It’s a good thing! (if you didn’t miss him, I’d be worried )
I second the idea of doing volunteer work.
I’ve always had the best times whilst doing volunteer work! (and it keeps you nice and busy)
It makes you feel good about yourself, it doesn’t cost you money, you are helping other people/animals (so they feel better too!) and you have less time to get lost in any Facebook rabbit-holes!
And when people ask if you got engaged, or take your hand to have a look, you couls just say something like : “Nope, not yet!” and move on to an other subject (like how their Christmas was, people often like talking about themselves).
That SO’s adoptive grandmother assumed you were engaged is very sweet!
I think that symbolizes that she sees you two as belonging together, engaged, married or not!
Remember; things will change!
Have a great holiday!
Post # 12
@OldeSarah: Thank you for the kind words and for reminding me that I have indeed found “the one.” I needed that positive dose of reality! I thank God every day for putting SO in my life and could not have asked for anyone better.
One thing I adore about SO’s family is that they already treat us like a social unit. We’re not engaged, living together, or married (obviously), but to them, everything is about the two of us and they understand, for instance, that we’re going to spend Thanksgiving as a unit going between our respective sides of the family. I feel so much like part of the family already, so I don’t mind if they ask if we’re engaged 😉
Post # 13
@SilvanArrow: I feel your pain! I just did a friend cull on Facebook! I went from 300+ “friends” to just 80! I just kept family and my actual friends! It’s so much nicer logging on now I actually see the ppl I want to see and if any of those 80 ppl got engaged I’d be genuinely happy! I didn’t do the friend cull because of engagements it was just in general what ppl put up there can make you question yourself and really we don’t know the full ins and outs of their lives! They only put up there what they want to portray! I live away from family and friends so I still love Facebook for keeping in touch with buy I got rid of all the acquintance brag bookers!
Post # 14
I just wanted to say that I’ve felt so much better since talking to you ladies. Thank you for your support! I went Christmas shopping this weekend and did indeed treat myself to an at-home manicure kit. The sales lady practically pounced on me in the mall, but it turned out to be a good deal and I already used it to give myself a super nice at-home manicure! I’ll paint them once they grow out a little more. Might as well start getting in that habit for down the road anyway 😉
Also, SO has just been super sweet when we talk on the phone. I’m planning to go see him when he gets back from his week of park ranger law enforcement orientation. I told him we’ll have to belatedly celebrate our anniversary and my graduation. And he was like, “Yeah, you’ll be here at a good time (He actually has the weekend as his off-days), so we should do something really special.” I asked if he had anything in mind or if he wanted to keep it a surprise. He said, “Hmmm just leave it to me.”
I got so giddy! We’re usually pretty low-key when I visit due to money being tight and go Dutch most of the time when we go out to eat, so it tickles me to death that he wants to plan something special for our anniversary. I know it’s not a proposal, but that’s just fine. I want to enjoy being all sappy and whatnot 😛
Post # 15
@SilvanArrow: Yay! I’m happy to hear that!
Post # 16
I’m with everyone else here. You have to surround yourself with friends. My SO was only gone about a month last year, but that felt like an eternity to me. The only way that I got through that time was by doing a lot of stuff with my family and my friends. I went to the movies with them, went shopping, etc. I know what you’re saying about money being tight. There are economical choices. Simply go window shopping! I do that all the time.