Long distance – he’s not sure he’ll move

posted 8 months ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 31
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Yeah sorry bee. I wouldnt be sticking around any longer. The fact that he moved away 2 years in with no regard for the relationship and continued to give you vague “it’ll happen” responses when asked about your future plans… he knows you wont move there without an engagement and refuses to move to you. Honestly, what other choices do you have? I really don’t think this man will propose any time soon…. I’d buy the house, break up and start your life!

Post # 32
1162 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like it’s make or break time bee. One of you has to move. xo

Post # 33
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Time to have a serious talk about a timeline for engsgement, wedding, living together. If he’s cagey about it, then there’s your answer. 

Post # 34
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

Based on his behavior it doesn’t sound like getting married to you and starting a life together is a priority.

Post # 36
1118 posts
Bumble bee

dromy2 :  Sounds like a good plan, Bee.  Make sure you don’t allow any wishy-washiness.  Get solid answers.  If you must, tell him clearly that you are making plans for the future, and he needs to either get on board and be a part of that, or let you move on with your life.  

To be honest, I had to have the “man up or move on” conversation with an ex once.  He moved on.  Best thing that’s ever happened to me.  So glad I stood my ground and made him choose.  

Post # 37
727 posts
Busy bee

No more time for wishy washy bee, or else another couple of years will drift by in no mans land..

Time for one of you to $h!t or get off the pot…so to speak..

Post # 39
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

dromy2 :  did you offer to go to his state if he were to make a firmer commitment e.g engagement? FWIW im not even sure that’s a good idea from what you’ve said so far.

I’m sort of a bit confused about this, because I can’t imagine that you’ve been together 7 years and both say you want to be married with kids and…. not made any attempts to compromise/ plan ahead at that. One of you is not being truthful in all of this (at least one!) 

I was with my Darling Husband for 7 years before we got engaged (not long distance though) and that was lonnnng. But I knew where we always were with future plans because we talked about timelines/ planned for the future a lot. Not saying my way is right by the way, just saying I can’t understand how you wouldn’t have this clarity after so long apart. 

Post # 40
783 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like he wasn’t being truthful

Post # 41
2228 posts
Buzzing bee

His feelings have changed. He’s entitled to this. You need to face the reality that it’s over, in my opinion. Reminding him of what he said isn’t going to make him change his mind.

Post # 44
7327 posts
Busy Beekeeper

dromy2 :  I’m sorry bee. I don’t think it’s hard to believe at all. It’s very easy to talk about hypotheticals, but much different when it comes time to make the big life changes that are necessary to make those hypotheticals a reality. 

Anyway, as much as it sucks, it’s good that he’s being honest with you now and you know where things stand. This is clearly a dead-end relationship, so I would end it firmly and conclusively asap so you can move on with your life and find someone who actually wants to be with you and vice versa.

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