Long Distance in Marriage

posted 8 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
4533 posts
Honey bee

We did it for just over a year and a half (ended 16 months after our wedding). Two to three months is easy peasy.

Post # 3
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

My husband and I did Aug – October long distance about 2 years into our marriage due to job situation. It wasn’t ideal (especially because he had to live with my parents during that time!) But honestly wasn’t that bad. The longest we went without seeing each other was like 6 weeks I think? Plus I was working long hours so was pretty preoccupied with that. 

We also have done quite a bit of long distance in our relationship before marriage and anytime it’s for a fixed period it’s easier as you know there is an end in sight.

Making sure you each are independent and have your own interests to pursue is key. Staying in touch is obviously important but it’s a time where you have to keep yourself engaged and distracted with personal interests too.

Post # 4
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

A month or three might be fine. But I wouldn’t do it personally.

Post # 5
Member
4026 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My husband and I have  been doing long distance somewhat since we’ve been married (5 years). His job requires extensive travel (2-3 weeks at a time). Usually he comes home for several weeks between. Sometimes he’s home for months in between. As of this month though he is across the country for 30 days at a time and will be home for 4-5 days each time he comes back. This will last through the end of the year. It sucks but it’s a really good step in his career for his ultimate goal, so I’m supportive.

The best thing you can do is stay busy. Having your own hobbies and things to do each week helps the time go by so much faster. We also facetime every night and that helps. Communication is absolutely critical when you aren’t around each other to pick up on body language to tell how your partner is doing or feeling. 

Post # 6
Member
588 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My husband and I were a 3hr plane ride apart for 7 months until I finished school. Honestly, it was a pretty positive experience. This was right after we got married. We tried not to talk everyday because, well when you’ve both had boring days, the lull in conversation can make you feel bad. No one wants to be the one to say “well we don’t have anything to talk about, so let’s hang up.”

 

Post # 7
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

My husband is in the military so we’ve had quite a few times where he’s been away for a few months. It’s fine, just need to remember that he’s away not because he wants to, but because he has to. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, lots of tears, FaceTime calls…. Try to keep yourself occupied with exercise classes, catching up with friends etc… 

Post # 8
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

We did this for about 3.5 months. My husband found a new job and I was bound at the old space with my job and education. He stayed over a friend for the time being so I couldn’t visit him much. But he did make the effort to visit me every weekend ( 7-8 hours of bus drive each way).

The whole ldr isn’t fun but doable. We were just about 5 months married when he moved. Now that we’re together again for 2 months, I can definitely say that it feels like we’re still newlyweds. We were both sort of awkward around each other at the beginning, trying to get a new routine. 

Post # 9
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

We were long distance for four years before marriage, and have been long distance (a plane flight away) our whole (two years so far!) marriage until Covid (and will be even while raising a child in the next few years.) We are apart about half of every week and try not to go more than two weeks without being together (and are together for two months in the summer.) 

Honestly? Its mostly fine. I hate separating (and in part because I don’t love my job/life in the state I’m in the other half of the time) but….. I think its actually good for our relationship. It makes us each see the other person as a whole distinct person, it makes our time together more special and meaingful, and it makes us appreciate each other more and be more thoughtful (it also made me weirdly more comforable about having a child because I knew if he was single-parenting half the week we couldn’t just fall into gender roles.) 

We often don’t chat for a few days, but we also routinely facetime, and text, and sometimes watch TV together online. 

Post # 10
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

Fiancée & I have had weeks-to-months apart because of work, often in very different time zones/across the globe.

One of my peices of advice is to know how much/when you’ll comminucate:

Will you talk every night?  What’s your policy on texting/messaging/replies? Will you need each others’ undivided attention when you talk, or is it ok if you are cleaning/cooking/watching TV?

Post # 11
Member
4026 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
@leztrythisagain:  Yes! Especially the parts about what to expect while you communicate. There are times, if we’re both busy working from home (or his hotel), that we will facetime just to have each other’s presence. We set our phones up next to us while we work. We aren’t having an active conversation the entire time, but it helps make it feel like he’s in the room with me. 

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