(Closed) Long distance MARRIAGE? Need some insight please

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Long distance sucks, but its bearable. I found long distance when I was engaged was easier than long distance when we were dating. Probably because the relationship felt that much more solid. I wouldn’t let yourself dwell too much on worst-case-scenarios because I promise you that you will come up with worse ones. Like what if you become paralyzed from the neck down? Its theoretically possible and would be horrible, but you would survive. Maybe thats a bad example, but my point is, if you have to do long distance, you will be ok. Just like if you were to become paralyzed from the neck down you would just have to adjust. (I honestly hope that doesn’t happen to you or anyone else, but that was the first example that popped into my head.)

ETA: I forgot to include advice. Schedule a time to talk everyday that works with your schedules and difference in time zones. Send each other mini packages. Send a good night text when you go to sleep. It makes it a lot more like going to sleep with each other each night.

Post # 4
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There is no way I could do this however could you perhaps look for an employer to sponsor you? perhaps you could get a job and the company could sponsor you there? i know a friend from bulgaria where his wife did that to get here.

Post # 6
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I kinda understand how you feel although I’m lucky as I only have a couple of hundred miles separating us compared to you! I find that as long as you keep the lines of communication open then you can get through anything. And what is 1-2 years compared to the rest of your entire lives together?

You sound like a pretty solid couple. Don’t let something as little as distance put you off getting married. You may find that during that time your self-esteem increases and that when you do get to be together permanently your relationship will be that ever bit stronger. I’ve seen relationships short-distance relationship struggle a lot more as people don’t know how vital communication is.

You could see the distance as an advantage to teaching you the values of communication and how strong your love for each other is. It’s one of the few things that help me. Do whats best for you though at the end of the day 😀

Post # 7
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I’m exactly a year into a long distance marriage and about to celebrate our second wedidng anniversary. Ironically we were not living together for our first or second anniversaries after having lived togehter for about 4 years before getting married. It’s hard to be long distance, even moreso than I imagined before getting into this situaiton.   I am also married to a non/American husband. 

In one of your posts, you mention that you are not done with your studies and you precciously stated you studied abroad. So, why not finish your degree in his country? Student visa is one of the easiest to get and most universities in Europe have lower tuition. I see that he is british and Universities there may be more expensive but maybe you could even find another EU country that you could both transfer to if the UK does not work out.

It seems to me that you will have the most options as a student. Also, I am not familiar about the income requirements but what if you marry in the US and then return to the UK as husband and wife, will they really not allow you to enter if he does not earn enough money? This does not seem right to me. I married an EU husband and he was never asked to prove income in order to marry me. I only needed to show proof of health insurance for a visa.

Stay calm and do some research on immigration before making any major life decisions.

 

Post # 8
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@katedesaccord:  I am actually planning a long distance marriage for the first year or two (job issues). We have been in a LDR since the beginning (2 1/2 years ago and engaged for about 2 years)  We are about 1500 miles apart, both in the US. My Fiance travels almost every weekend. sometimes pretty close to where I am. We try to see each other for long weekends every 3 weeks or so. Even if I lived with him, I would still need to travel to be with him on weekends.

We do talk on the phone at least once a day. So far, I don’t think the relationship has been difficult at all but knowing exactly when we are going to see each other again helps.

You can definitely get married without living together for a while. I know at least 3 very successful marriages that began this way.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What are the prospects of him coming to the US for a few years? Its relatively easy to emigrate on a fiancé visa (relatively meaning, not bad compared to a non-fiancé visa) and the job market in the US is quite a bit better than in the UK currently, especially in the trades, IT, and service industries.

Getting an employer to sponsor you only works if you’ve got a highly specialized skillset.

Post # 12
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@katedesaccord:  On the plus side, LDR don’t have to deal with the day to day grind of other relationships so the honeymoon phase lasts longer. 

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