Just to answer some questions some PPs posted.
I’m not going to move, because he doesn’t want me to. He hates it where he is, so he certainly doesn’t want to be there permanently. Also his house, his dog, and our families are all here. He’s living in housing provided by the job site, so it would not be ideal for me to leave my career to go there, and this site is only temporary anyway. He’ll only be able to stay on until the project is complete (maybe another 2 years), though the goal is that he finds a job here before then. He’s 3 hours away, which doesn’t seem like a lot, but he works long hours and weekends, so if I drive out to see him on the weekends, I’d only see him for a few hours and have to occupy myself in a very rural town where I don’t know anyone all day. I’ve done it several times for our relationship, but it gets old fast, and he doesn’t like me to do it, because he feels like he needs to find a way to get off early, even though I’ve assured him it’s my decision to drive out there to see him.
When we first met, I did not know he would soon be leaving for this job. He told me on our second or third outing (group hang outs, so before we had our first official date, he told me), so he did not hide it, but he was supposed to be coming home every weekend. The job site is behind on their timeline, so when it got time for him to actually leave, they told him he’d be working every other weekend. Eventually, he started losing even the weekends he had off.
So I was not prepared for an LDR. It sort of sprung up on me, and then got worse as time went on. It’s been nearly a year of it now, and I struggle with it. I never would have chosen an LDR, because I know I’m not really built for it, and it’s never something I wanted. But by the time we got to the level it’s at, I had already fallen in love with Fiance.
He spends so much time at work, and then is tired and needs to be able to get up early the next day, that I feel he doesn’t have much time to try and find a new job. He’s applied to only one place so far, and he doesn’t seem to really like the other job postings in his field here. I’ve tried to be understanding, and I know that regardless of what job he gets here that it’ll be a pay cut (being on site pays well, because it’s hard and you don’t get much time off), so I know he doesn’t want to just take anything and wants to minimize the pay cut.
I guess I just felt like he’d be back before the wedding, and we’re actually married. I never thought it’d come to this, and didn’t realize it’d be so hard for him to find a job here or how much time it’d take.
I don’t want to punish him for this, or feel resentful about it. I’m trying really hard to continue to be supportive and to not feel that way about him or our situation. However, the more time that passes, the harder a task that becomes.
Thank you to the PPs who have posted their situations. It could be worse for us, the distance could be greater, the length of time could be assuredly longer.