(Closed) Long Distance Marriage – Realistic or Insane?

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Me and Fiance did an LDR for a year 6+hours away. I’m sure you could make it work.  Fiance travels an hour to work everyday, perhaps you could move somehwere in the middle so both of you travel the same distance, but still get to be together!

Post # 4
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Luckygal5571: That’s a great idea! An hour commute by train doesn’t sound bad at all!

OP, are you thinking you might want kids in the next 3 years? If so, the LDM would make it much more difficult, if not impossible. 

Post # 7
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@slicey19: How do you feel about having to do that?

Post # 8
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

we’ve been long distance for 2 years and were married last month! currently we see each other about 2 days a month as we live 10 hours away from each other. we’re working to minimize the gap now (aka i’m trying to find a new job) but it’s definitely doable and i would not move until i had another job secured.

Post # 9
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am not in a LDR but I know a couple who is.

They live about 3 hrs from each other and travel back and forth every weekend. Jobs keep them apart.

They have been doing this their whole marriage and seem madly in love after 15 years. So I think it might be able to work.

Post # 11
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Darling Husband and I are in an LDR.  It’s not ideal, but it is what it is and we make it work.  Our way of thinking is that this is just for a brief period and it’s a way for us to make a better future for ourselves and our future kids.

Skype, texting, emails, and visits help, but the biggest thing I’ve learned is that you HAVE to be flexible and understanding.  Distance tends to make you more emotional, more prone to misunderstandings, and fights are more common.  

We’ve found that we must give each other the benefit of the doubt before getting irritated or angry with each other.  For example, if I have been texting Darling Husband and he doesn’t get back to me, I could get irritated with him, but I try to assume that he stayed late at school or his phone died, etc, until I learn otherwise.  It saves a lot of unnecessary stress and keeps your faith in each other strong.

I know you and your Darling Husband are already in your LDR, but you should make a pro/con list and have some serious talks about your expectations (how much will you talk, when will you visit, how will you handle finances from a distance, is phone/skype sex a possibility, etc) and go from there.  It’s possible to be married and be in an LDR, in fact, I think it gives me more security than before when we were dating because I know Darling Husband is stuck with me. 😉

Post # 12
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

SO and I have been making it work since we met, over a year and a half ago, with another year and a half to go before we can even consider one of us moving.  We’re separated by an 8hour flight (yuck).  It sucks but we’re hanging in there for the long haul.  SO also has a friend who has had a LDM for almost a year and a half (different continents with 1-2 visits per year) and they have been doing well (as well as can be expected), too.  Phone calls, Skype, letters, and frequent messages keep us feeling connected and get us through to the next visit.  I think you can make it work, and you’re still close enough for spur of the moment visits when scheduling/transporation permits.  Good luck, either way!

Post # 13
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Just wanted to let you know that I can relate– kinda.  We were long distance for 2 years while dating (including different continents, but mostly just states apart).  Have been in the same place for a year and a half, got married 3 months ago, and now I leave him next week for the next 7-ish months.  I envy your 2 hour commute to see each other; even though it’s painful enough.  LDRs are difficult and painful.  All I can say is try to stay as busy as possible in your own life– work, friends, hobbies, etc.  Make time for one another, but as a PP said, be flexible.  Sometimes it means leaving friends early, or meeting up with them a bit later to accommodate schedules.  Video chats/Skype really helps with the seeing each other, but nothing beats a hug.  No matter how you parse it, it’s the pits.  🙁

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