Long Distance Relationship – First Visit Proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7551 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Honestly I’d save the proposal for another time. Even if you were seeing each other in person daily, you’re moving way too fast and that can be uncomfortable at best for the object of your affection. 

Post # 3
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee

Since you’re both still young, this is your first relationship, and you’ve only been talking for 4 months, I’d hold off for now on a proposal.

Post # 4
Member
11303 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
soonerborn91 :  

I totally agree it’s the other Bees.  It’s too soon.  Four months is just not enough time to know each other, especially LD.

Dig deep—are you really ready to be married to this woman, as wonderful as she no doubt is?  Or, are your insecurities getting the better of you?  If what you have is strong, it will still be there in a year or two.

Post # 5
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

It’s hard to really know someone until you spend a lot of time with them. People routinely live with their partners, thus seeing them every day, for years before proposing — it’s a really big step, and you want to make sure that you feel like you truly know each other (quirks, bad habits, annoying pet peeves they do included!) before committing. My Fiance and I got engaged after dating for ~20 months, having functionally lived together for 18 of those months (but officially for 11), and some people still thought that was a little bit fast. 4 months, at least for me, would have been really soon. Add that to the fact that you’ve never actually spent time with her in person, don’t know if you have any chemistry or passion face to face, don’t know each other’s daily lives and routines… I’d hold off so you can spend this time focusing on getting to really know everything about each other instead of rushing towards the future.

This woman very well may be the one! You might be with her forever! But it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. I would see how this visit goes, plan another visit, and eventually talk about her moving to the US — and then maybe think about committing further. 

You could always give her a promise ring, though I tend to think of those as more of a high school type of thing. But if you want to show her you’re serious, it’s an idea.

Post # 6
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

– No, wait. Your chemistry in person may be different.

– your time dating has been really brief.

– there’s lots of first love feelings present.

Post # 7
Member
5757 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

The suggestion is don’t do it. Four months is probably not enough time to propose even when yoy aren’t long distance. Have you even met this woman yet? 

Post # 8
Member
574 posts
Busy bee

My ex is from the UK and met his Venezuelan girlfriend (now wife) online. They were in a long distance relationship. He flew to Venezuela to see her after a few months together, then flew back to see her another few months later (a year into their relationship with 2 visits) and on that visit proposed. 

They got married a few months later and now live together, and have been happily living together for a year and a few months. 

Everyone told him it was too fast…but he did it anyway. 

Trust your gut. 

Post # 9
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Have you even met her yet? I’d say you need at least a few weeks together in person, multiple times, before you can say you actually know her. It’s so easy to hide parts of yourself online. 

Post # 10
Member
691 posts
Busy bee

I don’t want to offend anyone but I feel like I need to throw this out there.. is there a possibility she’s doing this just to get a green card? I know romance frauds (i think that’s what it’s called?) are super common in Asia and I don’t want you to be taken advantage of or hurt if that’s the case. Is she from a big city in china? Or a small rural one? Obviously, this may not be necessarily true but I think you should be 110% sure she’s not just using you for a green card. I hate to be that person but I feel like it’s a possibility that needs to be explored. And if she’s 100% genuine, then I’m super happy for you and hope things work out. Again, this is not to offend anyone, but more to caution from a good place. Truly hope that things work out for you guys! 

Post # 11
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I know it’s an exciting and heady time, but you’re only 4 months into a relationship with a person you’ve not ever met. 

I would wholly advise giving it more time to learn what you both want and need from a relationship, get to know her better and see if you are both truly compatible because not only is this a long distance relationship, it sounds like it is also a cross-cultural relationship and there can be lots of associates challenges.

Post # 12
Member
632 posts
Busy bee

That’s really sweet and I am a hopeless romantic who is willing to take a risk when it comes to love. I met both my current and ex-husband online and they were both from different cultures to myself. I have been through the visa application process more than once and it is a LOT of work (I’m in Australia and I’m sure it’s just as involved and costly, if not more in the USA). This girl could be the one for you, but it takes a long time of going through many different experiences together to truly know someone. There are most likely going to be huge cultural differences as well that can cause difficulties. I don’t think you should rush into proposing. It would be better that you invite her for a holiday to the US first to see how that goes. That will give you a better sense of whether you are really compatible or not. Marriage is a huge commitment (as you know) and so is bringing someone to another country. It’s rarely a smooth or easy transition. You really don’t want to make that decision until you know 100% for sure she is THE ONE and that she is as devoted to you as you are to her. You definitely can’t know that without having met or spending a significant amount of time together in a real-life setting (eg.  Staying in each other’s homes meeting families and hanging out with their friends, seeing each other Sick/tired/stressed, seeing where they work and how they spend their free-time etc.)

Take your time, and enjoy the process of getting to know each other and seeing if you have that special connection. I hope that it is a great experience for you, but I don’t think you should make any big decisions just yet. Best of luck 😊

 

Post # 14
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve been in LDR and whie I do understand a lot of people due to visa get engaged early. You have been chatting 4 months and never met. How about have your first meeting and then once you head back keep talking and then discuss the future?

First meeting is nervewrecking enough without this additional pressure. Just enjoy each other and work from there.

Post # 15
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee

You’ve never met so I really think it’s best to wait to propose. 4 months is not a long time and you barely know each other. Take time to get to know each other more and make sure this is the right relationship. 

Post # 17
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m in a LDR, and my fiancé proposed to me on what was probably our 75th visit… You can’t possibly know a person without at least meeting them first, and you shouldn’t be proposing to someone you don’t know yet.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors