Long Distance Relationship – First Visit Proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 18
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

This has BAD IDEA written all over it.

Post # 19
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My FH and I met online and were long distance for one year before we met in person. We were past the honeymoon stage, and we decided to wait on getting engaged until he moved here. (Although our original plan was to get engaged before the end of the trip.) We are both religious and virgins. I was not his first relationship. (I’m 22 and he’s 28.) I started dating at 19 and although they never went anywhere, I had some understanding of any red flags to detect if I ever saw them and was very cautious getting to know him. 

He’s been living five minutes away from where I live for two months, and proposed to me a few days ago. We have known each other for two years next month. We spend everyday together and nothing’s changed except that we are now in person.

Your situtation is different. Since you’ve never been in a relationship, it’ll be much harder for you to see the difference between love and infatuation. You remind me of myself when I first started dating people and I was just excited because some guy was paying attention to me. By the time I met my now FH, I wasn’t looking for that rush of excitement—that all-consuming feeling of emotions and a roller coaster of excitement that comes from new love. I was looking for contentment. Sometimes we are passionate. Sometimes, it’s exciting. But we have more moments of contentment and laughter than excitement. Which I would recommend looking for instead of the feeling of new love. 

Btw, my FH also had a long distance relationship prior to being with me, and noted is was very different being with his ex in person. After they met, the relationship deteriorated less than a month after. 

I would wait until you’re several months in person everyday before proposing. A lot can change in 4 months.

 

Post # 19
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

By chance are you guys headed towards some sort of arranged marriage relationship? I ask because that’s the only situation I can see that would make sense to propose within 4 months never having even seen each other. No shame in this, my cousins had an LDR with Asian women from their home country (the men were working in the US so they had a lot of Skype and email sessions) and they’re doing great – but I think this should be cleared in your post for everyone who’s saying no don’t do it, it’s too soon. If not, then I agree with everyone else that it’s too soon.

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