(Closed) Long Distance Relationships!

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

We were apart for less than 2 years.  And we were already engaged too.  We ended up seeing each other about every three months or so.  So I guess that helps.  But still excruciating.  Obviously knowing we were engaged and there was a definite end in sight made it easier.

I applaud lasting four years.  So where will you be living? In Canada?  It’s also hard because involved in a long distance engagement is not only the stress of getting married, but usually one person (maybe both) dealing with the stress of moving.   Tough stuff.

Post # 4
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Washington to Iraq and now Oregon to Kuwait.

What makes it work?

We read together every single night. We set aside one hour of almost everyday at the same time to talk and then read. 

At first we could only see each other 3 times a year. But now we see each other every 8 to 10 weeks. 

Also, we never focus on how much we miss each other but how much we’re looking foward to upcoming events. 

 

 He works 7 days a week 4 months at a time, so this means I do twice as much traveling. I found a job that I enjoy in my field that allows me to take time off (unpaid of course) for this kind of travel. I also try to plan "events" that keep me focused 2 to 4 weeks at a time as opposed to pining away for the 8 or 10 weeks to pass. 

 

What tricks do others have?

Post # 6
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We were together for two years of high school, then starting with college we were long distance Washington DC – New York state for two years, and this year has been Italy – New York state. Next year we go back to both being in the US and while it will still be distance I think it’s going to feel really easy! We’ll go back to seeing each other about once a month or so. I’m so excited for us to actually have the same home once we’re married but I know the separations won’t be over even then, since he’s in the military. At any rate, for now I am just focused on going back to the US and seeing him again for the first time since January 3!

 I love the feeling of beating the odds too. I think long distance has really forced us to become even better at trust and communication, and we are just very emotionally close as a result. Of course we have matured as people and in our relationship, and long distance has only strengthened that effect. Getting married and living with him is going to feel so wonderful, and also be such an adjustment. I’m excited. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yup. People usually doubted us. Let’s see…my Fiance and i were together for 2 semesters at school (with a summer apart in between) then he was stationed 30 minutes away for a few months…..then I lived in Savannah with him for 2 months….then he was in GA and I was in MO….then I moved to Seattle for a summer….then i moved back to MO to finish college and he got deployed for 15 months….now he’s back in GA and i’m still in MO cuz i got a sweet job. We’ve been doign this for about 4 years or so now….we’re getting married a little after our 4.5 year anniversary…NEXT MONTH! WHOOHOO.

We aqctually get to live together in November when he gets out of the Army though. So there’s our second celebration! haha

 

My tricks were a) being in college b) finding a job c) planning a wedding d) AMAZING sorority sisters and friends and e) taking advantage of the fact that he was gone to indulge all those things i ever wanted to do, like gym classes, ballet, cooking, etc. I adopted two cats….

and i  ALWAYS counted down to the next time i’d get to see him. Every week apart was a week closer. Light at the end of the tunnel ladies!

 

My philosophy was that i’d rather spend all this time without him to have him in the end….than not have him at all and have someone else. That mantra alwqays reminded me a harder relqatinship with him was better than an easier one with someone else.  

Post # 8
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I dated FH a whole whoppin’ month before I moved back to CA and he stayed in NY.  When we started dating I really didn’t think the relationship would last since we only had a month of dating behind us.  Sometimes life is funny like that though because we’ve been together 4 years now.  Unfortunately we only see each other about every 3 -4 months.  Sometimes it’s only for a weekend, and sometimes it’s for a week.  Christmas break is the longest at 10 – 14 days.  Luckily, the end is in sight.  He graduates June 12th and we get married the 13th.  From that point on we can live together (minus 6 weeks of training he has in Oklahoma and any time he’s deployed). 

For us I think that one month together really cemented our relationship in the beginning.  Although, it was only one month, it was one month we spent together in a military college.  All that stress and pressure that comes from a bootcamp like environment acted like a cruicible for us.  In that environment you don’t put on facades and the real you shines right through, so we knew about each other and who we really were real quick.  I hate being away from him, but I love how the distance has forced us to communicate in ways we never would of if we could simply see each other every day.  It’s definitely made us stronger for it.

Post # 9
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

My Fiance and I dated for about 2 months during the summer before he went back to school on the east coast in Philadelphia.  He had already been going there, I just didnt realize it until about a month or so into dating!  Before he left to go back to school, we figured we had only been dating a couple months and we would "see what happens".  I did not date anyone else, he went on a couple dates but when he came home a couple months later on break in October, he realized I was "the one" and didnt date anyone else. 

We were apart for a little over 2 years.  It was hard not seeing him that much, but we got to see each other every 2-3 months.  I went out to Villanova 3-4 times and he would come on October break, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and summer.  We talked every day and completely trusted each other. 

I think by being long distance in the beginning of the relationship, we got through the hardest part first.  Everything after that seemed easy.  But I completely agree, I love beating the odds.  I had SO many people (not family, but friends and co-workers) tell me it would never last.  And almost 6 years later we are still together and getting married next month! 

Post # 10
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I second the statement made above about getting through the difficult stuff first. The physical is put on hold in a distance relationship and you experience your emotions and you want to talk about it. So, you end up confronting these things first, because you have no choice.

It makes everything so much better. 

If you can survive the distance, you can survive marriage.

It will be, as they say, CAKE. well, almost.  But you have learned to communicate which many relationships lack.

Post # 12
Member
14 posts
Newbee

Our stories are so similar!  We were friends in high school, went to prom as friends, and the summer before college decided to date – then came August and the prospect of being 3 1/2 hours apart for college.  We stayed together, did the distance thing for 4 years, and we’ve been back in the same city for 2. We’re not officially engaged yet, but we’re definitely planning on marriage.  Congratulations on your success, too!  We saw each other anywhere from ever 2 weeks to every month…depending on what was going on for each of us on weekends with other committments.  I agree with you though – how great is it to beat the odds. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

yeah, we’ve been long-distance our entire relationship

met him in times square at a bar it was his last day of a year of travelling and working, I was drawn the minute I met him and knew he was someone I wanted in my life.

We’ve been doing the inter-continental thing for two years now, gives me  a reason to travel to Europe a lot.

 

The hardest part is when we say goodbye, he hates it when I cry, so I wait til he leaves, we survived by skype, we chat everyday or every other day; we see each other every 3 months and I am very blessed my sister is a flight attendant so we saved bigtime on tickets, if it weren’t for her our wedding would never be

plus we are both very frugal so we could save for our next trip, we both have the same family and religious values even though we are different races and we just plain love each other

 

I think it’s the love and commitment that helps you beat the odds, if it’s really meant to be it will happen no matter what, I had no idea, but I am very happy  we are now engaged, I always knew there was something good about this that was worth pursuing and not letting it go, it’s just an instinct you have, we nearly gave up because it ws painful, but it was too good a thing to let go, my friends would say how can you do it, anther said what are you going to do with this, but deep in my heart  I knew it had a chance of working

 

Plus I have an amazing circle of friends I have a good time with in the city, my girlfriends and I have so much fun so it helped me through the lonely nights when I was missing him, which is why I invited all 18 of them, litttle do they know they helped me with my relationship and surviving the odds

It also makes you appreciate every minute with each other, you don’t focus on the small things and don’t take each otehr for granted when you are with him because your time is precious, it makes your time together much sweeter 
 

Post # 14
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My Fiance and I started dating long distance! We had mutual friends in college and we took a semester off to work.  One weekend he came back to visit and we realized that we had feelings for each other. He left to go back to work (it was only February!) and we emailed for a few months, which turned into weekly phone calls. He came for one more visit at the end of the semester & we officially began dating. And when that weekend ended – he went right back to work.

We did long distance all that summer & it was really hard. He was working for a branch of the forest service that had him traveling to remote forests all over the western US. He had to call me (and really work to find cell phone reception or a payphone) or make special trips into the nearest town library to use email. But he was able to visit every other month or so.

We did this for the next two years. We spent the year together at college. He graduated and went back to the forest service for the summer and next fall semester while I student taught. That winter he decided to switch jobs for many reasons, but one was being able to see me regularly. 

These days, though, I wish he had keep working for that branch of the Forest Service. He would probably have a full-time postition now, instead of setting himself back and still working seasonally. It would have been hard, but I think we could have done it. I tell him all the time that if he has to go somewhere without me, I’ll be okay.

What everyone has said so far is right: long distance really makes you closer. I trust him and he feels sure about me. Why make all the effort for someone you don’t think is right for you? It also makes me more sure about our decision to get married. I know we can make it through everything — our communication skills are supurb! There’s no room for vague sighs or "it’s fine" when you’ve only got an hour or less to talk at night!

Post # 15
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think that’s one of the best things about long distance you both have to be very secure and trusting, if you are insecure about your love it would never last if you didn’t trust each other it wuld never last 

 

I never worried about him going out and he never did with me, we were both secure, sure there were beautiful people around us but they could have been a sack of potatoes, he feels the same way, he says they may as all well be guys 

Post # 16
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with ilovenycmissie: you definitely have to have trust, or the long-distance thing doesn’t cut it.

My Fiance and I started out long distance. He’s in the UK and I’m west coast; we never would have started a relationship with that sort of distance if we didn’t immediately think that this could be the most important relationship of our lives. That’s the great thing about long-distance: you know right off the bat whether or not it’s worth it. 

That said, we’ve been really lucky to see each other for about a week or so every month, and I was in a position to move to the UK this summer. I really admire the people that can survive years in an LDR – but I am not one of them! This has been one of the hardest things I’ve done, and if I had known beforehand just how sad and pathetic and weepy I’d get during our separations, I would not have signed up for this – no way, no how. Luckily I had no idea.

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