Post # 1
I am leaving next week for an internship on the other side of the country. It’s going to be about 5 months (New Year’s) before I’m back at home with my husband and my dog, which I know isn’t long at all in terms of LDRs but still feels pretty massive. We scheduled a few days for him to come visit me for Thanksgiving, but it’s a major strain on our finances for me to be moving away for an unpaid internship and I don’t think we’ll be able to afford any other trips. I know that one semester really isn’t that long; in fact the rational side of me knows it’ll go by fast. But I’m still starting to feel pretty nervous! After all, I’ve never been long-distance before, and I’ve never lived by myself in Washington DC before!
This internship is an unbelievable opportunity for me and I am starting to get really psyched up for it, but at the same time I’m worried about how being 2000 miles away is going to affect my marriage. Obviously we’re going to be fine, but I can’t help but feel sad. So if any of you have LDR tips (or experiences to share), I’d love to hear them!
Post # 2
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
My husband and I were primarily long distance for our first 4 years of dating, and then off and on while we were engaged. It’s hard, but it is so much easier as an established couple than when you’re first starting out. It’s also so much easier when you know there is an end date.
Make time to call each other daily or a couple times a week at least, even if it’s just for a couple minutes before bed. It’s so comforting to hear each others’ voices.
Do not argue over text or talk about anything important – if an argument starts or seems like it will start, just step away. Say that you don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about whatever it is over text.
Text regularly. Funny pictures, funny stories, memes – moments that made you think of them. It doesn’t have to be a flowing conversation, but it’s nice to know they’re thinking of you.
Hide notes in his stuff before you leave. Cute notes, jokes, “I miss you’s”, in the fridge, in his sock drawer, on his desk – get creative. I used to do that in my husband’s room whenever I’d visit and he’d be finding them for months – he loved it. He still has most of them and won’t let me throw them away lol.
It’s hard, but it will be okay! 5 months will fly by, especially with how busy you’ll be. It’s not fun, I remember the dread of leaving all too well. Good luck!
Post # 3
chelbell23 : Thank you, this is extremely helpful! I am going to start making cute little notes to hide, and I will definitely make sure not to risk starting an argument over text.
Post # 4
We were LDR for quite a while, too. And likely will be again in the future. The first few weeks are the hardest & before you know it you’ll be back to bugging each other. Talking daily & FaceTiming are wonderful ways to stay connected. We also sent each other little gifts and notes in the mail. 🙂
Post # 5
My husband is in the Army and we’ve gone through two deployments to Afghanistan while together. It’s super hard – not only are we so far apart, but also he is in danger throughout the 10 months and there is that extra level of worry. I can echo everything PP said 🙂
One additional thing I want to add is that, I know it sounds silly, but it really DOES fly by. It really does. We were both working, and had massively different time zones. There were only a couple hours during the day we could talk at all. There weren’t long periods of awkward silence, no lost chemistry. We just clung to those couple hours as hard as we could.
Try to set a schedule for phone calls. For us it was every day (minus the blackout days – those were terrifying), but you probably don’t need to call that often. Don’t be afraid to talk about the boring adult stuff like taxes and credit cards, but also don’t be afraid to be extra mushy and lovey to each other.
Five months IS a long time! Absolutely nothing to sneeze at. But you will be working very hard, and so will he. I doubt there will be many twiddling thumbs, and that will definitely help the time fly by 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2018 - England
lovelyruby : Skype/face timing will be your new best friend! Talk as often as you can, and write letters if you can as well. It sounds cheesy but they always made me smile when I recieved one! but also try and focus on other stuff as well! When me and my now husband were doing long distance what I struggling with was getting dragged down by how much I missed him, and would end up just moping, luckily I had very supportive house mates who dragged me out of my funk.
Post # 7
A couple of things:
1. Recognize that you’re off doing a fun new/exciting adventure while he will be in his same routine. I often found that for me it meant the LDR was harder for him then me so there were times he would feel attention needy/clingy (or as clingy as you can be with thousands of miles of distance) and I’d have to remind myself to give him that attention but also set boundaries so that I wasn’t missing out on opportunities (e.g. not turning down invites to do stuff so I could stay home and facetime every evening)
2. Not spending too much time only talking about how much you miss each other or what you’re going to do when back together. We found LDR felt easiest when we focused on what was going on with our lives NOW and sharing that with each other so we felt part of each other’s day to day.
3. TRUSTING each other. This one came easily for my (now) husband and I but trust is so important. If you’re the jealous type, own this and don’t project your jealousies onto him (and vice versa him to you)
4. Being OK with not connecting every single day and as a PP mentioned NEVER having serious relationship discussions or arguements over text. Never ever. Put the phone down. IDeally video chat for those or worst case phone but never text!
5. Give yourself at least 4-5 days when you visit and don’t be alarmed/shocked if the first day or so feels really awkward and weird. It always took me at least 24 hours to slip back into relationship comforts after having weeks of independence. It didn’t mean I didn’t LOVE having SO around again – it just felt like a muscle I had to wake up again and it would take a little bit. However it does mean that short visits are hard because half the visit is just re-adjusting so we found visits of 4-5 days better because then you have a few days of relationship normalcy.
5 months is totalyl do-able but it IS a long time so don’t short shrift yourself. Keeping communication open, trust high, and making sure you’re both maintaining your lives outside of the relationship will help make it fly by though!!
Post # 8
My SO and I have been on and off long distance for most of our relationship, and currently are now (set to end in two weeks, woot!). You alrwady have a visit date to look forward to, and an end date set, which are the biggest things in my book.
Other than that, text every day when you think of them, call once a day, and just let them know they’re in your thoughts. And when you talk, talk about all the exciting things going on and the awesome things you can do together when the distance is over. The first few weeks will be quite the adjustment, but the end of the year will be here before you know it 🙂
Post # 9
Thank you everyone! Y’all are all so incredibly helpful. I am definitely feeling more confident about the next 5 months!
Post # 10
For us, the single hardest part about our LDR was that there wasn’t a set end date. So you’ve taken care of the hardest thing!
We had a nightly Facetime date, and it was wonderful. I know that others say not to feel like you have to talk every day, but it was a wonderful way to touch base for us.
My other advice is to find some sort of hobby group. I took up running, and ran with a group a few days a week. Nobody there became my best friend, but it was nice having a social group to hang out with in the evenings.