(Closed) Long distance trouble- any advice please?

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I understand where you’re coming from (in an LDR myself), and it sounds more like you’ve come to terms with the distance than fallen out of love. It sounds like you’re very comfortable with one another, which is a good thing. If you’re concerned about the lack of lovey-dovey action, talk to him about it. It’s the only way he’ll know what you’re thinking.

LDR’s can be emotional for a lot of reasons, but it sounds like you’ve gotten over the initial shock of it. You obviously love him very much, or you wouldn’t be so concerned about this. But you know how to be on your own now, and you know that life keeps going even if you aren’t physically together. I know in my case, I used to get really sad all the time when one of us had to leave, but it’s gotten much easier. It just means we’re that much closer to not having to leave each other anymore.

If you’re really concerned about your fears ruining your relationship, maybe try talking to a therapist about it? I’ve never dealt with depression or anxiety myself, so I’m no help there. But maybe a professional could help get to the root of your fears?

Post # 4
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance and I have been in and out of long distance-ness almost the entire five years we’ve been together, sometimes living a few hours away, sometimes living states away.  We have just finished a year of long distance (one more to go) with a visit every two months or so with the distance between our last visit and now being three months. 

My first question for you is have you lived together other than the month that you spent together?  When my Fiance and I moved in together for the first time the first maybe two or three months were super trying.  We had spent a lot of time together, traveled, etc before moving in together but the actual combining of our personal space and schedules was a whole new game and it took a while to get things squared away.

My second question for you is do you take any medication for your anxiety?  I started taking anxiety medication this past year for a variety of reasons.  I was on a super low dose but I could truly not believe how much it helped.  Holy wow!  I would have never thought it would be sometime I would need/do but I’m so glad that I did.

Next, how long have you guys been doing long distance and have you had to do it before?  I ask, because the long distance aspect brings up a whole bunch of things that you don’t deal with when you’re together.  For example, the prince charming you build up in your head.  I’ve had to deal with that a bit myself and struggle sometimes too to accept that the way I want him to react to something is not necessarily the way it’s going to go. Especially if he is busy or working on something when you are visiting.  The first time I visited my Fiance after we got engaged I was soooo excited and looking forward to it, and it was rather anti-climatic.  He was so busy with work while I was visiting (there really wasn’t away around it).  Laying in bed by myself reading or playing on the computer was not the way I had envisioned our get together.

Not sure if any of that helps.  Hope everything works out for you!!

*hugs*

 

Post # 6
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@shychick: After reading your response and rereading your original post, I really don’t think you have anything to worry about as far as your reaction to your relationship goes.  If it was the first time you two lived together, it was bound to be anticlimatic afterawhile in my opinion.  Once you get over the initial “ahhhhh I haven’t seen you!!!  aaaahhh!!” I think it’s normal to settle into a groove that might not be so exciting.  Like I said earlier, it takes a while to get used to living with someone.  One of the biggest things for me that drove me nuts was how to spend our time together.  Before we lived together, time together was always ‘us’ time.  After we moved in together, we were together a lot but it wasn’t always ‘us’ time, if that makes sense. 

As for when you went to leave, that sounds pretty normal after doing long distance for 10 months, too.  I started to feel that way as well after several months into the LDR this year.  When he first moved and I went home by myself (he moved out of state for school and we had previously been living together) I cried and cried and cried.  The first time I went to visit and I left, I cried.  He came to visit and left and I moped around for a bit.  And it got less dramatic each time.  It didn’t mean I loved him any less or that I didn’t want to be with him but rather than I was starting to accept that happy couple time was over and it was back to my solo life.  Long distance sucks, there is no two ways about it.

I could go on and on about long distance relationships since over half our relationship has been long distance (in bouts). 

As for the medication, I was mortified that I would need to go on it.  I have never thought kindly of mood altering medication.  I’ve always been a worrier and an over thinker but when Fiance got engaged and then I ended up going back to an empty apartment it hit me hard.  Really hard.  To the point where I was hardly even eating.  Not because I wasn’t hungry and didn’t want food but because it repulsed me.  Kind of like when you’re realy sick and you’re hungry but you don’t want to eat.  That went on for weeks until I finally made a doctor’s appointment.  It helped with the eating pretty quickly and I was also amazed to find out how chill I was.  I was so worried when I went on it because I thought, what if this changes me.  What if it makes me weird.  It didn’t though.  I was me without all the worry, anxiety and baggage that I usually carried around about everything.  I still thought about everything sure, but I didn’t dwell on it.  I was on a super low dose and it helped so much.  I’m not sure if it is something that would be right for you, just thought I’d share.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

When i leave now its never as dramatic as the first time(LDR for 3 years now)….The  first time i cried for weeks and didnt want to leave my room or have fun but now i have friends at college and I want to see them and i cant wait to go back but i also count down the days til i see him. It’s sad when i leave but im also happy the get back to my friends.

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