Post # 1
SO got a save the date for a wedding halfway across the country a few months back. The grooms family is also from east coast (like us) and will have to travel.
I was wondering if in long distance (plane necessary) scenarios it is more likely that someone be invited with a plus + because you have to travel, you are more than likely not just going for one night as it’s so far? Or it has no bearing?
By the time of the wedding SO and I will (God and timeline willing) be engaged. Obviously the groom would not know this. Is is appropriate for my SO to tell him this, or to “feel out” whether there is a plus one? I don’t want to be tacky or rude, but I just fear that my SO won’t say anything, go to the wedding, tell the groom he’s engaged, and the groom will be like, why didn’t you say so, she would have been invited!
What is the ettiquette here? I do not want to be rude in any way. I was trying to think of a way he could ask by saying he wanted to book the flight in advance, but was wondering if it was for one person or two. Try to start a convo that way?
Either way, I will take the trip and the long weekend with him, but it would be nice to attend the wedding as well.
Thoughts? Very curious to know what people would do here. IF it’s appropriate to say at all, and if so, how. Thanks!
Post # 3
I’m only saying this because I’m in crazy RSVP stress mode. I think it is better to just not say anything. A lot goes into making a guest list (people get cut, etc.) and people (the bride) get stressed out. I have a lot of people asking me if they can have plus ones, bring kids, etc. and though I understand, it’s just not possible.
Post # 4
As crazy as it is, it’s actually not correct etiquette to put ‘and guest’ on a Save the Date. I would have your FI say to the groom, ‘awesome, i’m booking my flights, should my girlfriend book a flight too? She’s awesome, can’t wait for you to meet her, in fact, we’re planning on getting engaged in the next X months.’ Feel it out. Nothing wrong with that. If you’re engaged before invites get mailed, you should get invited!
Post # 5
And guest would go on the invite not necessarily the STD. We got a STD to FI’s cousin’s wedding and only his name was on it, however my name was on the invitation. If you have to make travel reservations before you get the invite, I guess you could have him ask his cousin about it but I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that but that’s just me.
Post # 6
Thank you very much for your responses. It is genuinely appreciated.
Going to try to pump this up, as there seems to be mixed opinions. Maybe a few extra thoughts would help me decide.
Post # 7
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with either asking the couple or asking the couple’s parents if you’re close. That said, if they even slightly try to say no, just graciously accept it. They might be not inviting +1s at all or they might just not have put you on the STD for some reason.
Post # 8
@CityBearBride: I like this approach a lot!
Post # 9
I think I like @CityBearBride ‘s script too. It sounds very much like something my friend would have said.
And yes, agreed. Say no more and graciously accept whether it is a yes or no. I wouldn’t want them to feel bad either way, just be aware.
Thanks again to all.