Post # 1
My SO and I have been together a little over a year. He is planning on going back to school to get his doctorate degree in physical therapy. In order for him to do this he must move three hours away because only a few schools do not require him to take extra classes.
When we talked about this I became a little sad. I know in the long run this IS the right decision. We have been living together for about six months so it is hard to imagine being alone at the home every day.
Any advice on how to make long distant realationships work? I feel like we will be okay it is just hard for me to not be emotional
Post # 3
@MrsShev: I would set up daily routines. Those can include good morning texts, daily phone calls (even if very short), good night texts or afternoon im chats.
Also schedule a longer weekly phone call.
When Fiance and I were long distance the first time we talked 24/7 through text, im and on the phone. The second time we were much busier (it was several years later) and I found that a text goodnight (the first person to go to bed sent one and got a response, the second person to go to bed just sent one with no expectation of a response) was really comforting. I knew every night before I went to bed that he was thinking of me. Some nights we would talk right before bed which was nice too because it was almost like going to sleep in the same bed. I almost always went to sleep before him, especially when he was going out with friends. His second goodnight text (when he went to bed) let me know that he was home safe if I woke up in the middle of the night worried.
I also loved getting care packages. I would bake brownies (which mail better than cookies IMHO) and send them to him. It often squished into one giant brownie in the shape of the container, but it still tasted good.
Post # 4
The good news is 3 hours means you can see each other often, depending on your schedules its very possible every Friday night to Sunday morning.
Then during the week spend the time working on something you want to work on. Gym, a hobby, an evening class etc
And as the PP said, get into certain routines when you are not together. Emailing through the day, texts etc. And when you are together be sure to spend some of the time doing date things so you have quality time. Likely he will still have school work, but reserve time for your two.
Post # 5
@asscherlover: I definetly like the idea of a routine /plan. thank you for the advice
@ThreeMeers: Yeah three hours is not too far and yeah we will have to focus on quality time. Since we live together we have a date night but we also do our own things often since we are busy during the day but yeah I think focusing on quality time then we do have it will be a good idea
Post # 6
The key is good communication and keeping promises about communication. When I moved 400 miles away for college my SO and I promised to never hang up on each other no matter how upset we got, and we managed to keep that promise which allowed us to talk out problems and actually resolve them. We also came to the agreement that we would talk every day. We usually talked for about an hour from 8 to 9. Skype also really helps if you have the internet and computers to support it.
Post # 7
I definitely think communication is KEY!
I’ve been in a LDR over the past 7 years and my guy lived in LONDON… you just make it work because you love each other!
How long is grad school for him? 2 years? 3 years?
I don’t know if you’ve thought about it much but would you think about moving there to be with him? If not, he will have plenty of breaks & other opportunities to come back and be together like old times.
My Fiance and I do best now that we have iphones because we have apps that connect us in amazing ways. We can txt each other anytime and send eachother pictures of things that remind us of each other and invovle each other in every aspect of one another’s lives.
I planned the whole wedding by consulting my guy via phone, txt and video… it works well if you work it well!
…don’t get me wrong, it can be lonely but I have amazing family and friends to busy me up when I’m feeling low. I just remember how great it is when we’re together and this too shall pass. The pain is temporary and when I really think about it, I value my time alone too so its nice to refocus & have the goal of being together is a great motivator.
Post # 8
When we were long distance we were able to be on the phone a lot but pretty soon we ran out of things to talk about. So we started playing an online game together. It was a great way to spend time together without having to just talk the whole time. Also check out lovingfromadistance.com. I love that site!
Post # 9
My fiance and I did long distance for over 2 years while he was at school and I was living at home and working. We would use IM a lot while he was online doing his schoolwork and I was relaxing in the evenings. We’d also text periodically thoughout the day, and use skype/video chat a couple times a week.
When we had to do long distance again this summer while I was away on a school practicum, it wasn’t even an issue. We already knew how to get through it.
It can be a bit sad and lonely, but remember, it’s ok to be emotional about it. This is the person you love and want to be with every day and it sucks to be away from them. You don’t have to be happy about being apart. Just be there for each other and you’ll get through it.
Post # 10
Like the other posters have said, communicate, communicate, communicate, and for a change communicate some more.
We tried to find ways to do “normal” couple things via skype (playing backgammon, watching a movie). Sometimes we would put the computers in our bed and lay down so that you could almost trick yourself into thinking that you were just in bed together. Always start your day with a “good morning” text. Read books together and talk about what you think of them.
What I found with a LDR was that we had to come up with a lot more things to talk about because when you’re physically with someone, you don’t actually spend the whole time talking, but on the phone you’re talking the whole time.
Post # 11
Four years long distance and counting (for a masters degree and now PhD). I agree with everything the PP’s have said. My Fiance and I talk every single night before bed. Even when we’re both busy, we make time for that call to at least say I love you and goodnight.
Post # 12
@KimmySumShuga: yyeahr your right. It is a little less than 2.5 years. I am finishing up school where I live right now so it would not be convient to move since I am almost done.
Thank you everyone for all the advice. I truly feel much more comfotable about the situation.
Post # 13
@MrsShev: Glad I could help! It will be a transition but its not forever and maybe once you’re done you’d make the move for the last years of his grad school time.
All you can do is try! You are probably stronger than you realize
Post # 14
My FH lives in Georgia while I’m currently living in Illinois. Yes, it’s hard, but if it’s meant to work out it will.
One mistake I made early on was that I let the distance make me angry, which pushed him away. It was wrong, and I almost destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me. So my #1 advice is pick your battles, and try to recognize when you’re getting angry about literally nothing.
Post # 15
@Future.McGuffee: thats so true. sometimes when i think about it i get angry when i know i shouldn’t part of the reason he is going to school is too be able to support us. I should be thankful
Post # 16
I think it is hard in the beginning because you have the whole setup to figure out (and in my case we had JUST started dating then I moved) but I second the communication and the routine. We’d probably have broken up by now if we didn’t have those two things going for us!