Long engagement – because you WANTED to.

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

Over 2 years here. Same reason as others have mentioned, pretty much. We already bought our house. Living below our means and being able to save up for a wedding was important to us. Frankly, I was rather paralyzed with anxiety about the whole planning thing, too, for various reasons. We changed our minds several times. We’re finally happy and excited about what we’re doing, and I don’t think that would have happened if we rushed into doing things Exactly How Everyone Else Does It™.

I have to say, “friends and family losing excitement” shouldn’t be a reason to get married faster. Little secret: other than your overbearing mom or sibling that you’re really close to… *whispers* No one cares as much as you think they do.

That’s actually my mantra every time I catch myself stressing over some minor detail: “NOBODY CARES.”

Post # 32
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee

We got engaged April 2016, and are getting married March 2018. We didn’t actively start planning until August/September ish, when we began looking at potential venues.

We’ve had no negative comments at all, the closest we’ve come is people wishing the wedding were sooner because they’re really looking forward to it!

For us, it meant that we had more time to save up and less stress/rushing trying to do things. It’s been a very relaxed process so far.

Post # 33
Member
3642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

elizabethlx :  Hubby and I planned on having a long engagement for the reasons you cited (school, saving up, more time to plan). He proposed during my first semester of grad school, which was sooner than I expected. We initially planned on getting married this summer, which would have been over a year and a half long engagement. We ended up getting married after 6 months of being engaged, because the stars aligned and we had the opportunity to have everything paid for. I would have been DIY-ing a lot with my family, so spreading it out over that time would have been helpful! 

Post # 34
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

elizabethlx :  We were engaged for over 2 years – December 2014 to April 2017. We got engaged early in our relationship and wanted to move in together and spend time co-parenting his son first. We also wanted to get married overseas and needed time to save up. I definitely had a couple of moments where it felt like we had been engaged forever but the wedding came up very quickly once this year started!

Post # 35
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We will be engaged for a year and 10 months. Just how it worked out because we wanted an outdoor wedding and didn’t have time to begin planning for the first four months of our engagement since we were househunting/moving. Yeah, a lot of people kept getting confused “You’re getting married NEXT may? I thought it was this may!??” but we also had positive feedback that said we’d be able to take our time selecting vendors and planning, which is true!

Post # 36
Member
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ellethebee :  We also had 15 months, which didn’t seem that crazy to me, but my dad for whatever reason thought it was insanely long….to the point that I think he was legit questioning how serious we were. We “finally” got married last weekend and my bridesmaids (who are all married except one) were telling me that my dad was quizzing them each on how long their engagements were. Turns out that all of them had longer engagements than we did, ha! 

Post # 37
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I am engaged and my engagment will be about 1 year 3 months. Honestly this seems really long. I would go for the 1 year. I orginally wanted to have a long engagement to be able to afford the type of wedding we wanted and take our time. However after about 7 months it got old for me. I just want to get married and make the man my husband now. I think 2 years is too long and I would reccomend a year and a half.

Post # 38
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee

As someone that has attended long engagement weddings, I was still excited about it when it rolled around. I think it depends how involved you are though. i’ve spoken to a few friends whose siblings had 2 year engagements for example, and they said that by the time the wedding rolled around they were kind of… not over it.. but a bit tired of devoting so much thought and energy to it. But if it’s mostly just going to be you and your fiance for the first year doing planning then I think it’s great.

I actually wanted a longer engagement, but my fiance and family begged me to do it sooner. Since they were doing a lot of the planning I relented. I think another year would have been less stressful for sure, but i do also think it might have been less exciting. Just depends what you’re planning style is! If longer works DO IT

Post # 39
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

tiffanybruiser :  I don’t get why people judge the level of “seriousness” based on the length of an engagement it seems silly to me lol.  I never thought about how other people were looking at our relationship and our length of engagement before I started to get comments on it! Congrats on your wedding, BTW!! ♥️ I’m sure your dad knows how serious you guys are now lol!! 

Post # 40
Member
942 posts
Busy bee

elizabethlx :  

I believe in you do you! I’m having a long engagement (3 years before we get married) because of both school and money but mostly because I’m on a school scholarship and my sponsor prefers that I focus on my studies and graduate first 🙂 so I probably fall into the “I have to” category but that doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying a long engagement! 

I do love the flexibility we have and how we can wait around for the best deals. We also don’t feel rushed in the process and spend more days than other people saying “hey we’re getting married soon! How exciting!” to each other lol. I also love planning my wedding since I’m not stressed out over having to pick out the dress, venue, flowers etc under a time crunch. We also had time to go around every venue personally instead of relying on our planner to put together a wedding quickly. 

We did have to explain a lot to friends, because they won’t stop asking when or why are we not getting married yet. We’re quite young so a lot of people don’t take our engagement seriously, since we’re in the kind of social circle where quite a few couples claimed to get “engaged” only to break up some months later. My parents love that our engagement is super long since they’re not ready to let me go haha. We have not let our relatives know until later this year as they’re quite nosey people.

Personally the excitement never fizzled out. There are weeks when we never bring up wedding planning, which is perfectly fine. There are weeks when we couldn’t stop talking about it. I think a con would be watching your friends get married faster even though you were engaged first, but I’m not bothered much by that haha.

 

Post # 41
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

We’re having a 15 month engagement as well, like some of the other bees that mentioned it earlier. We planned to be engaged for at least a year so we could book our venues and vendors (usually the popular ones would be booked out a year + ahead!)

So we got engaged, picked our date and it happened to be 15 months 🙂 My mum was complaining it was long but the time just flew by! Honestly, there was nothing done in the first couple of months but the booking started at a year out and the last few months are still pretty hectic! I have a month and a half left!

Post # 42
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

This thread is definitely making me warm up to the idea of a longer engagement, thanks bees!

Post # 43
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

elizabethlx :  we’re one year into a two year engagement, mostly for the same reasons as you, but also to be able to save a bit of money as we just bought a house which was a fair hit to the already low savings. First year has already gone so fast so definitely savour it all as it’s a very special time that I personally didn’t want to feel rushed 😊

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