Post # 1
I’m having a 2 year engagement and I’m unsure as to when would be appropriate to ask my bridesmaids. (Other than my sister- who already knows she’s the MOH).
Should I wait until I have a date? Or longer like a year before the wedding? I’m not sure what would be best as I know people’s situations can change quite dramatically in 2 years.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Post # 2
plum_pudding: I think it depends on what your relationship with the people you’re asking is like. If these people are lifelong friends, whom you’ve known for many years and you know you’ll be able to work through any challenges and still be friends at the same level, then sure ask them as early as possible. My best friend and I have been best friends for >15 years and she has pretty much known for years that she’s going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. If your entire bridal party will be composed of people like that, I would say that you can ask them all officially as soon as you want.
If there are some people you’re not yet sure about and you want to give the “will forever be in my life” people (eg. your sister, friends you know nothing can change) a heads up, I think you should give them a heads up/’unofficially’ ask as soon as you get engaged if you want. But I would personally tell them to keep it on the down low until you ‘officially’ ask them when you ask everyone else.
I actually think 6-12 months out is a pretty good time to ask and would probably recommend that. That gives ample time to get everything in order in time for the big day while also giving you more time to wait and predict how your friendship with people will develop before the big day. I know some people ask their BMs earlier than that and then post on WBee after their friendships change in unexpected ways before the wedding day and they regret asking certain people so far ahead of time.
Personal anecdote: I went to a wedding recently of a bride who had a 2 year engagement. She asked her BMs right after she got engaged. The bride and I have a mutual friend that she used to be very close with in college, but the mutual friend and the bride dropped out of touch a little after graduation. Well, this bride’s engagement was the event that prompted the bride and the mutual friend to reconnect. During the next year and beyond, their friendship was reestablished and grew exponentially and they became closer than the bride was to many of the other bridesmaids. Needless to say, the mutual friend was hurt to figure out leading up to the wedding that the bridesmaids had already been asked and she would not be one of them, even though she was invited to all the BM-only events. It’s not something that’s going to affect their friendship in the long-term, but it really made me see a different perspective of how things can change in a year or two.
Post # 3
We’ve been together for 6 years this October, engaged for 5 of those years. Our wedding is set for dec 30th 2015, and we have just started asking our bridal party. 1 down 3 to go so far
Post # 4
plum_pudding: I just asked my bridal party last sunday. We invited them all to my house and i cooked dinner and we had a great times.
Post # 5
plum_pudding: I asked mine right away because I was sooo excited to share the news and have them start helping me plan and just talk about all things wedding related…however…I do regret it with one because I have noticed that she has kind of disappeared from my life and now I have to deal with un-asking her 🙁 And I’ve also asked two new girls along the way so, if you can wait a little bit I would suggest it!
Post # 6
I had a two year engagement and pretty much asked my bridal party right away. I only had 4 bridesmaids and 2 I have been friends with since we were 6 (22 years and counting!) and the other two were my very best friends from my sorority. I knew that there wasn’t going to be anything that could happen that would make me regret my decision (though there were some bumps – but when isn’t there bumps when a bunch of girls are involved haha).
Main reason I asked as soon as I did was so they could be aware of it and to give them time to save some money for expenses (man that sounds really terrible!). One had to travel a significant distance for the wedding and two were working part-time jobs. I didn’t want to spring a ton of expenses on them at the last minute….
Post # 7
plum_pudding: Some of my girls already knew they were standing in the wedding but I officially asked everyone about a year-year and half before my wedding. I wanted to make sure everyone had enough time to save for their dresses, hair, make up etc. while still living their everyday life. I also had 1 bridesmaid change after asking my girls to so keep in mind a change can happen no matter when you ask someone. My engagement will be just shy of 4 years (was in school for 3 than had to come back and get a job). I would choose a date as well before you ask them to stand in your wedding because most responses will include “whens the big day”.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
I asked mine 8 months before. I wish I had asked a little bit earlier, like ten months.
Post # 9
I’m having a 16 month engagement and I asked my girls around the year mark. I asked them as soon as we all had the chance to meet in person. I asked my sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor when I told her the news that I was engaged. I just had to tell her right away 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks for all the responses!
I’m still deciding who will be in my bridal party (besides my twin sister who is clearly a shoo-in for MOH), so I might sit on it til closer to next summer. One of my other friends knows I’m PROBABLY going to ask her, but she’s already gone wedding-crazy so I don’t want to encourage her any further at the moment.
Post # 11
We are 18 months into our 25 month engagement! We asked our girls/guys within the first 2/3 months. Right after we secured our date and venue, we secured our bridal party lol! We are doing a destination wedding so we had to make sure the people we chose had ample time to make financial and childcare arrangements.
Post # 12
plum_pudding: I think it kind of depends on your situation and what you want to do, but for me, I was having a twenty month engagement and I asked within a month of getting engaged. The reason I did this was because I see my friends regularly, so everyone was kind of *assuming* they were a bridesmaid, and it became too much of a headache to sidestep the conversation just because I wanted to do something speshul. Finally, I just made everyone a card, wrote a nice note asking them to stand by my side and mailed them out within forty-five days from getting engaged.
Post # 13
Between a year and 18 months before. I probably would have waited a bit longer except for my BFF/MOH, who was an obvious choice. I do not regret any choices, luckily, and I’d make the same choices today.
Post # 14
Yeah, I asked them right away. By the wedding date we will have been engaged 3 years, and I asked the girls within the first 6-10 months.
And honestly? I wish I would have waited. It’s really easy to grow apart over the course of 3 years and it’s awkward to fire someone just because you aren’t close anymore, so you end up spending a bunch of time with people you may or may not still be good friends with. :/
Post # 15
plum_pudding: I think you should ask now! My Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged a few months after I did. Our wedding is in April of 2015 and my Maid/Matron of Honor still doesn’t have a date. She’s thinking of Spring or Summer of 2016. She already has her bridal party selected! I think if you know that you aren’t going to change your mind on who you want to ask, you should go ahead and just ask now. 🙂