(Closed) Long Engagement Brides

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014


Yikes! That is a LONG engagement!


When did you get engaged?: December 2012 [Same date I joined the Bee!]

When are you getting married/did you get married?: October 31, 2014

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: We are paying for our wedding ourselves, which is costing around $20,000. We wanted the extra time to buy everything & plan.

Pros of a long engagement: Our budget isn’t super limited. We have plenty of time to figure out what we want, and alot of wiggle room.

Cons of a long engagement: I want to get married right now!

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: I do. I don’t feel pressured for time, and I have plenty of time to buy things for the wedding. We’re currently $4700 in and I’m glad we have tons of time!

Any other advice:

My engagement isn’t TERRIBLY long! The summer will fly by, I don’t really have any advice other than to enjoy your engagement, and the time you have!

Post # 4
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee

@GreenSkittle:  that is a long wait! But, that’s so great you’re finishing school first! I’m 1 year and 4 months away from my wedding, but we dated for 6 years and was waiting until we were closer to graduating college before we became enaged last august. I didn’t enjoy the wait lol, I really wanted to tell people he was my Fiance and not my Boyfriend or Best Friend. It sounded so juvinile after 3 years. Anyways, advice would be have fun. The wedding may be in the distance, but you have alot of time to get ideas and design your dream wedding! You have tons of time to save for the important things and even save to splurge on things you couldn’t afford now πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
9649 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

When did you get engaged?: January 2012

When are you getting married/did you get married?: July 2015

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: I just started a graduate degree, Fiance is planning on doing some tertiary study online and we can’t afford to live together yet. Want to live together for at least a year first and both of us in steady jobs.

Pros of a long engagement: Lots of time to plan, very relaxing at the moment!

Cons of a long engagement: Frustrating not being able to book things yet! I know where I want things, but the date is not definite, haven’t got a budget sorted yet, so can’t start booking things! 

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad. I have plenty of time to change my mind, but I would like to be getting married sooner.

Any other advice:

Take each day as it comes, the time will fly by!

Post # 6
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

When did you get engaged?: August 2011

When are you getting married/did you get married?: July 2013

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: I’m still at university and I wanted to be nearly finished before we got married. Also, I’m so busy with studying plus two jobs so I wanted more time to plan.

Pros of a long engagement: More planning time, no risk of venues being booked!

Cons of a long engagement: I’ve been to heaps of weddings in the time we’ve been engaged and I’m like ‘I just want it to be my turn already!!’

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: Overall it’s been okay but I wouldn’t have wanted to wait any longer.

Any other advice: Spread your planning out over the period of your engagement so you keep up that wedding related excitement!

 

Post # 7
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GreenSkittle:  

When did you get engaged?: November 2012

When are you getting married/did you get married?: Aiming for October 2014

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: We initially aimed for this year, but several factors contributed to pushing the date to 2014.

Pros of a long engagement: More time to save up $, if you’re going the DIY route, you’ll have longer to collect things for the wedding/reception, from sales and whatnot. Also more time for detailed planning, and if you change your mind a few times, not *quite* as stressful.

Cons of a long engagement: People questioning why you’re waiting so long, or assuming you don’t ‘really’ want to get married, others commenting that you should just give the ring back, similar snarky comments or questions.

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: I much prefer a longer engagement, easier to plan things in advance, and create a backup plan if needed. I don’t feel as rushed or stressed out now.

Any other advice: Don’t let anyone try to tell you how to plan your wedding. It does not matter if they claim they are experts, or are your future inlaws. It’s your SO and your wedding, plan it how you both want. πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
9649 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Sweet_Tea:  Oh yes I agree with the rude comments, like ‘you just care about the big wedding,’ ‘why get engaged then?’. Especially here on the bee. Although I think one of the worst things is laughter when you tell them when your wedding date is. I got that from the receptionist at my optometrist (who is also his wife) who has known me for all the time I have been going there. I was humiliated. Luckily there was no one else in the room at the time, and it was more of a snicker than a loud laugh.

Post # 9
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

When did you get engaged?: 16th December 2011 (our 4 month dating anniversary)

When are you getting married/did you get married?: December 2015 ish.

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: We’re both students at the moment. I’m doing a Bachelor of Education (Early Childhood) and he’s doing a Bachelor of Business (Marketing and Management). We both have 2 years left. We’re putting our studies first, and would like to find full time jobs after graduating and then get married. I would also like for us to be married before we live together. 

Pros of a long engagement: Sometimes it feels like there are none, but I’ve realised that I have so much time to plan and get ideas! I would hate the stress of a short term engagement, so I can just gather all of my ideas now and have a clear idea when the time comes Smile

Cons of a long engagement: I’m super impatient and want to get married now!!!

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: Sometimes. Somedays I get really down and jealous when I see pictures of other peoples weddings, and hear of people getting married. Other days it doesn’t bother me too much. I have to remind myself that it is a good thing, and that each day we’re closer to marrying. 

Any other advice: Enjoy it! Your day will come Smile 


Post # 10
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

When did you get engaged?: October 2011

When are you getting married/did you get married?: September 2013

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: im from Sweden, he’s from Canada and we live in the UK. wherever we proudly pick would mean a lot of our guests would have to travel cross Atlantic to attend, so we wanted to give everyone enough notice and time to save up. We are also paying for it ourselves so gives us more time to pay for things. 

Pros of a long engagement: you have time to research vendors and find the best ones and the best deals. You also don’t have to stress about n taking time to find you dress/shoes/venue etc. there is always something that will take longeto than expected. You also get to enjoy the excitement of being engaged door longer. 

Cons of a long engagement: The wait is hard but in the end I think it will actually make the day even more special. I also found that you’ll get a few comments of “oh you have loads of time etc” in the beginning but just know that everyone gets on board once you get to less than a year I found (basically as soon as Xmas was over everyone was like “yay! You’re getting married!) 

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: being 6 months away now I am actually really glad we did have a long engagement. I haven’t had to stress about stuff, I have some fantastic vendors in place, and I have managed to negotiate some good deals too. I had the time to shop around and find the perfect accessories, and I have been able to DIY a few things to add personal touches. It also gives you a chance to step back and say “do I really need X, Y and Z that the bridal magazines tell me I do” and just focus on what is right for the 2 of you. 

Any other advice:

start off with research and take your time to figure out What your vision is and what is important to you. Budget, budget, budget! Everything is more expensive that you think. Most of all and more importantly – enjoy the planning process! Everyone I know that is already married is telling me they are jealous as the wish they could do it all over again. Worth keeping in mind πŸ™‚ 
 
 
 
 
 

Post # 11
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Introducing Queen of the long engagements (7 YEARS!)

 

When did you get engaged?: July 2006

When are you getting married/did you get married?: July 2013

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: We were only 17 when we got engaged and always planned to wait a long time, we were going to universities in different cities so couldn’t live together for a while and we needed to save up to be able to have the wedding we want without going into debt.

Pros of a long engagement: Lots of time to plan and save, lots of time to do my wedding DIYs, we’ve been together long enough to know that we work as a couple, there won’t be any surprises when we get married because we’ve lived together for ages already, we’ve also done long distance while engaged so know we can cope with that if we ever have to do it again for work or something.  I’m a big fan of the long engagement, especially for younger couples.

Cons of a long engagement: Having too long to plan and over-think things.  People making sarcastic comments about whether we’ll ever get married, people assuming that we got engaged for ‘the wrong reasons’, people assuming that we weren’t sure whether or not we actually wanted to get married which is why we’ve put it off so long.  The vast vast majority of the cons are to do with other people sticking their noses into what isn’t their business!

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: I’ve loved having a long engagement.  I’m pleased that we made that commitment to one another early on, but getting married as teens would not have suited us.  I’m glad that we’ve had enough time to save up for this without financially crippling ourselves.  I’m glad that people actually take us seriously as a couple now (because they certainly didn’t to start with!).  It would have been good to have been able to get married straight out of uni, but that still would have been a 5 year engagement.

Any other advice: Ignore the rude people who think they know best – they don’t.  Remember that, in the grand scheme of things, when you’re planning a whole life together, a couple of years extra engagement are a small sacrifice so that you can do what’s best for you.

Post # 12
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@clumsylawyer:  I am not that far behind you!

When did you get engaged?: December 9, 2006

When are you getting married/did you get married?: no date yet

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: We had only been together 9 months when Fiance proposed, and I was only 18 (he was 25). We were living with my parents and wanted to be out on our own and independent before getting married. Plus I wanted the relationship to continue to grow as well.

Pros of a long engagement: I’m in a funk right now, so can’t think of too many pros atm. Mainly that we’ve grown into our relationship in a stronger way than maybe we would have if we had gotten engaged later. One pro is that I originally wanted 80 odd guests, a big sit down dinner, etc. Right now I’d be happy with an early afternoon ceremony with casual finger food and 30 people max, most of those being his family. It’s more about solidifying and legalising our relationship as opposed to throwing a huge party… we are basically an old married couple anyway!

Cons of a long engagement: My Mother-In-Law passed away in 2009, and I know that Fiance will be devastated on our wedding day without her there. I nearly lost my dad in 2011 and I couldn’t imagine him not walking me down the aisle.
Another con is that I have friends who have met, married, had kids, and built an awesome life in the time I’ve been engaged. All we’ve done is tread water and I want that awesome life for us. I feel as though we’re reaching the time where we either knuckle down and get shit done, or give up and walk away.
People don’t take us seriously, or make comments like “how’s that wedding coming along?” – this happens when I run into people I haven’t seen in a year or so. Kinda depressing to say “nothing has changed”, but like I said, time to knuckle down.
Fiance upsets me when any wedding is mentioned, he makes a big joke of it and sometimes says things about not getting married at all. I say it hurts and he blows it off as a joke. I’m getting like a crazy waiting (but not) bee… I’m still waiting for a date, all I have is a ring.

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: Despite my complaining above, it was/is the right decision for us. In all honesty, it wasn’t until about the beginning of 2012 that I felt really ready to get married. The 5 years before that was more of a promise to each other. I think Fiance might still be in that ‘promise’ phase.

Any other advice: Do your best to enjoy it – I think others have said the same. Try not to fall into a rut, that’s what we have done, and it sucks to try and crawl out of it.

Post # 13
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee

@GreenSkittle:  

When did you get engaged?: November 2012

When are you getting married/did you get married? September 2014

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement? We already own a house and are having the wedding and reception in our backyard.  However, our yard needs some serious landscaping and a new fence, and our budget won’t let us fix the yard and pay for a wedding in the same year.

Pros of a long enagement: Tons of time to plan and research.  I’m also taking on more DIY projects with my spare time, which will help us save money and make the wedding more personal.

Cons of a long engagement: I’m looking forward to seeing my friends and extended family at the wedding, and I don’t want to wait an extra year for that to happen.

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?:  Absolutely.  We’re doing a long engagement to build the backyard of our dreams which be used as our wedding location.  We looked into other wedding spaces to see if we could have the wedding sooner, but we realized that nothing could be more meaningful to us than holding the event in our own home.  It feels right for us, and I have no regrets about waiting longer to make our backyard wedding happen.

Any other advice: Take advantage of your extra time to research and plan.  And contrary to what people have been telling me, there is no memo saying how long an engagement should be.  Embrace the time and you’ll be happier for it.

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

When did you get engaged?: September 2005

When are you getting married/did you get married? We got married
on January 8th 2013 our 8 year anniversary.

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement? Fist reason is I was married before and I wanted to live with him for a while before getting married.  One lesson I have learned is that you really see peoples true colors when you live with them.  Second reason is we were trying to save for a big wedding but something was always coming up.

Pros of a long enagement: It gives you time to really learn about each other and experience things good and bad.  We have been through some really rough times and we came out of them stronger than before. Its easy when things are good, its when things are bad that is the true test

 Cons of a long engagement: Watching people that started dating after us wind up getting married before us was annoying.  Also always hearing your not married yet?Other than that not much else.  We lived together so it was like we were married anyways.

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?
I did like having a long engagement because it proved alot of things to me about our relationship.  When we did get married I did not have absolutely no doubt about if I was making the right decision.  I was divorced once and I dont want to go through that again.

Any other advice: Love is love, married or not.  I think its better to take the extra time to get to know the person before making that serious commitment.  You have your whole life to be married to each other.  Divorce is no fun!

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

When did you get engaged?: October 2011

When are you getting married/did you get married?: October 2014

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: Well, a. somebody jumped the gun a little πŸ™‚ and b. we knew we wanted to wait until we were both done with school (I will finish my Master’s program in December) and then ended up having to push it back from March, and didn’t want to do summer in SC.

Pros of a long engagement: We had only dated for 8 months when he proposed, we are able to grow as a couple, and discuss our long term goals, as well as slowly figure out finances, etc.

It is nice to have time to plan, and make conscious decisions about who we want to have at the wedding, how much money we want to spend, etc. without feeling rushed or pressured.

Cons of a long engagement: The cons of our long engagement are really just cons in our relationship. We are currently long distance, and I wish we could not be. But hey, such is life. 

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: I am liking it. We’ve been lucky enough to hire a wedding planner (the wedding is going to be in his hometown, which neither of us live in at the moment…) and she is absolutely wonderful. I never thought I would have a long engagement, but it will be nice to finish my graduate degree with my maiden name and start our life together knowing that we have pursued our individual goals, which I know will make us stronger as life partners.

Any other advice: Honestly, keep the above in mind. You are so young (I am pretty young too, so please don’t take that the wrong way) and I hate to see people compromise their life goals for marriage. Unless that is your goal! If being married to this man will make you happy outside of anything else, then hang on to that and have a beautiful long engagement and happy life together.

Oh yeah, and as @clumsylawyer said, it’s SO easy to overthink things. Focus on your school, and plan your wedding when you can.

 

Good luck to you. 

Post # 16
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

When did you get engaged?: April 2010

When are you getting married/did you get married?: May 2014

Why are you having/did you have a long engagement?: Long story short: school. I finished my MA program summer 2011; Fiance started his BA in Spring 2012. I needed time to find a job (I did in Dec 2011) and save up.

Pros of a long engagement: Seeing trends come and go, finding preferred vendors early on, able to set a more realistic budget, able to see what you really like over time, ability to lose weight (if need be!) realistically.

Cons of a long engagement: impatience

Overall, do you/did you like having a long engagement? Why or why not?: You know, now that I am in the “home stretch” I don’t mind it at all. I really was able to look around at vendors and ideas and see what Fiance and I really liked. Having this long as also allowed us to set a more realistic budget based on information we have gathered and not just educated guesses.

Any other advice: Just be patient. Focus on your schooling and it will all come in time. One of my sorority sisters transferred into my college and joined our sorority while she was engaged (her Fiance went to the same school); she didn’t start planning until she graduated.

Oh, and don’t make any major purchases until you are *sure* you will be getting married within a year.

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