(Closed) long engagement! could use some advice please.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@cincilover:  Hi there! My engagement isn’t as long as yours (a year and a half), but I definitely had wanted it much sooner. I’m studying abroad for the summer and my Fiance wanted to get married after I return rather than having to be without me just after we get married. Understandable, but we were together for a long time before we got engaged and I’d always wanted to be engaged less than a year because of my tendency to obsess and get anxious and just want it to happen NOW. I didn’t know until we got engaged that it would be much later than expected! So I do understand your feelings! I PROMISE it will go so much faster than you think. Yes, it’s a long time, and sometimes it WILL feel long, but you’ll get busy going about life and suddenly the time starts flying! 

The great thing about a long engagement is you have so much time to figure out what you want, to budget, and to save. I brainstormed for months without doing anything “real,” and now I’ve been able to narrow down to what I really want. My nighttime dancing under the stars reception became a daytime brunch that much more suited what felt like “me,” but I never would have come to that conclusion without the lengthy time to consider and look at the things that really resonated with me. Play on Pinterest and dream up everything, then you can start to narrow down and make decisions. You’ll have a truly amazing day that is everything you want because you had TIME to think and to plan. And it will be worth every moment of the waiting! Enjoy the time with your Fiance, too. I’ve found my time with him that much sweeter now that we’re getting married. Hell, if nothing else, you can throw out the “we’re engaged!” card and get everyone excited (and free stuff sometimes) for much longer!

Post # 4
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I WISH I had a longer engagement… it’s been 10 months so far, and we have 4 months left before the wedding and they are flllyyying. I really wish I could go back and add another 6 months. It’s hard to start making decisions until you know your venue, but 2.5 years out, you should have your choice to book anywhere you want in advance, start asking prices & dates 18-24 months in advance, start visiting asap!

It took me about 3 months to research all the possible venues, vendors & prices…I made a spreadsheet. Let me tell you, you are not ready for the prices! Weddings are crazy expensive. Use the time you have to save money, shop around, and read wedding planning books & blogs. And also to do alot of research on what everything costs before you make your guest list. The first couple of concepts/themes I had for the wedding had to be abandoned after I found out the prices, hours, and restrictions.. we had to reimagine a new ideal wedding, and that changed which venues became our new favorites, and which style we ultimately chose to be the most achievable on our budget.

Choosing the dress is easy… what’s hard is when the florist asks you what TYPE of roses you like, or what you think of cala lilies vs orchids, when the cake baker asks what you want for a topper, when the rentals person asks you what kind of lighting you want on the dance floor, or when you actually try to write out the text for a ceremony program. If I could go back in time, I would’ve started thinking about these kinds of things earlier… make sure you pull out pics from magazines that aren’t just dresses & hairstyles…but also alll the decor & detail ideas… just start like 10 file folder catagories…haha good luck enjoy!

Post # 7
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@cincilover:  We’re having a 42 month long engagement so I know how you feel. In the beginning I felt like it would never get here, but time really has flown by. It’s not too early to start looking at venues and figuring out what you have envisioned for your big day. You’ll be able to lock in your prices because costs fluctuate, especially in the wedding world. I also second the file folder suggestion. I got one and it’s been fantastic. Everything is all nice and organized and it’s easy to keep up with. I’m repeating what others have said, but do your research, plan your budget, take care of big ticket items first (like the venue, flowers, photography). 

 

The time is one good thing about long engagements. I hated mine in the beginning, but I’ve really come to appreciate the time I’ve had to get things together. 

Post # 8
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Well when I first got engaged in 2011 we had originally had 2013 as our date but we pushed it back to 2014 so by time we get married it will be a 3 year engagement. I really wasn’t happy about pushing it back especially since I was already in the planning stages but since I had already booked my venue and entertainment we just switched the date with them.

In a way I’m kind of glad that we did push it back to 2014 which is what I originally wanted anyway because my sister was getting married this year but it allows us time to save since FH is not working right now so I’m the only one putting money towards the wedding fund. It allowed me to figure out what I truly wanted and in this time it has allowed me to see who I can really count on these days. The friendships that you have had for years will definitely be tested…at least that’s how it was for me. But I pin like everything for inspiration and ideas but honestly the time has really flew…I remember when my sister was at 700 days and now she is down to 140 – it really flew by so I’m sure it will be the same for us πŸ™‚

And of course if you want to talk wedding the ladies are always here….I dont’ really talk to my friends or family about it too much but on here….everyone always wants to talk about it πŸ™‚

Post # 9
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Our engagement will run just over 1.5 years and let me tell you, after watching several friends get engaged after and married before us, that extra time is a godsend! We jumped on things like venue and photographer booking (for which we got first dibs because we were pretty far out from the date we wanted). On the flip side, we’ve been taking our time with decisions like the look of the save the dates/invites and what everyone is going to wear. I really like having the time to think and not having to make snap decisions because of a short engagement.

Enjoy this time! Become one with your inner designer! Look at all the beautiful photos here on the ‘Bee and see what inspires you. Or… take breaks between bouts of planning. You have enough time to make it as low stress as it can be. 

Post # 10
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

Our engagement will be 25 months and 10 days, haha! But I’m pleased for that. Whilst I’m kicking my heels on a lot of stuff because I can’t do anything this far out, it’s giving me time to look around and really develop my ideas and experiment – my most recent project has been scouring for autumnal DIY invitation suites for free download. And there aren’t many – so what other free downloads can I adjust? When I next get a chunk of free time with my photoshop, I might try and design one myself – I’ve got the time to really work things out and practice. AND I’ve got time to practice calligraphy too, for the envelopes.

Not only does the long engagement give me more time to save money, it actually helps me work out how to do things more cheaply, because I’ve got time to really ponder over what would be the best way to do something, and price shop. I have made spreadsheets. Many many spreadsheets. We were able to go visit all the venues we shortlisted two or three times. I’ve been able to spread my dress shopping out over months – once a month since November, and surprisingly found it already (I thought I’d be pickier!)

There is SUCH a temptation to just rush through and make the decisions so I can tick it off and say “Done!”, but it’s pointless when I’ve got the time to do it carefully. It’s an exercise in self-control. Maybe by the end of the planning process, I’ll have enough self-control to ACTUALLY just have ONE biscuit when I say I’m going to, and not six.

 

 

What I have found helpful is giving myself a time-consuming tangentally-related side project to work on, so I have to focus on that instead of fretting about the planning. It’s a good way to prevent my life being wholly absorbed by the planning as well, and gives me a chance to challenge myself. My project is a journal-comic so I have a record of my thoughts and feelings during the time, but you could easily take up cookery – DIY edible favours? I saw a great idea, mini pots of maple and pumpkin butter! Or a blog – that’s a popular one here! Or even other types of crafting, which could prove useful for the wedding but develop skills you can use afterwards as well. It gives a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction too, and makes me feel a bit less like I’m losing myself to the wedding!

Post # 11
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

We got engaged in January 2012, won’t get married until July 2015, and depending on my health and university we may push the wedding back even further. So we’re having a 3.5 year engagement minimum. The first year FLEW by. I understand how you feel about friends getting engaged after you and married before you. One of my friends from high school got engaged the month after me and got married in December. I was happy for her for sure, but I was slightly jealous that she could get married so soon!

Post # 12
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m about nine months into my 3 year engagement. It sucks sometimes, and I sit there reading up on table linen rentals and the like, and it feels so far away sometimes. Not helping is that my brother’s getting married next year, lol.

As long as you don’t think about it too much, you should be fine. That’s how I get myself through it. Find a hobby you like to do and stick with it. I chose photography and movies. 

Having the long engagement seems like a blessing, however. Gives Fiance and I more time to think about our relationship and see if we’re right for each other, gives us time to save up money for the wedding and a down payment in the future for a house, and lets us have a lot of time to plan for our wedding and test out different themes.

Congrats on your engagement!

Post # 13
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m more than halfway through a 4-year engagment. πŸ˜›

 

I sometimes want the wedding to come sooner, but at the same time, we both have things that we’re doing now that would be much more difficult if we were living together and married. I’m doing an additional degree, and Fiance is starting his own business. This way, in addition to saving money up and planning over a longer period, we both will get to accomplish the things we need to without stressing each other out or wanting for lack of funds. πŸ™‚

ETA: It doesn’t feel like it’s been a long time since we got engaged. Time will fly by!

Post # 14
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@cincilover:  Our engagement is just shy of 2 years. Proposed Christmas Eve 2011 and we’ll be saying “I Do” on our 7 year anniversary this year. πŸ™‚ Gives you LOTS of time to plan! Thank you Pinterest! πŸ˜‰ I didn’t start booking things until January so that we still had a year. Time will fly by and it’ll be here before you know it!

Post # 15
Member
6344 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

We’re having a 3.5 year engagement.

 

I’ll admit, it gets frustarting at times, esepcially as we’ve been together for 7.5 years now, and will have been together nearly 9 years when we marry. Unfortunately: that’s life, and we can’t get married any sooner.

 

In many ways, I’ve enjoyed having a long engagement. Where I live, the best venues/photographers/florists/bakers get booked up to 2 years in advance, and, as our wedding is peak season and on a Saturday, it’s been great having so much choice, and not being bummed out because the photographer we want is already booked. We also managed to secure a good deal on our venue, as we booked over 3 years in advance, but they gave us that year’s prices: this has saved both us, and our guests (it’s a hotel so we also negotiated great room rates), a lot of money.

 

Further, I currently study full-time at post-grad level, and also have two part-time jobs. It’s been lovely having the luxury of time, and not having to rush into making decisions. I’ve been able to browse at leisure, and take a lot of time over each aspect of the wedding. As such, I know I am 100% happy with all our choices; I feel that had I had to plan within 12 months, and been limited in terms of who/what was available, I may well have had some regrets.

 

Post # 16
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Our engagement was a year and ten months, and I really enjoyed it. It was nice to take our time planning, and to enjoy that short but special time looking forward to the wedding. It was kind of like a little vacation before jumping into the daily routine of married life.

The wedding will be here before you know it!

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