(Closed) Wedding feels like a fantasy. Long engagement sucks.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 19
11 posts
  • Wedding: October 2016

@Creiddylad:  I feel you, girl. I’m in the exact same boat. I just got engaged in October and our date is three years away on October 1st, 2016. My friend who is getting married in June of 2015 dragged me to a bridal expo yesterday and I felt so out of place being there.
100% agree with

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@bleusteel: about the dress though. If you’re making it and you know what you like, go for it! That way too if you finish and change your mind about something you won’t be spending tons of money to alter it, just more time focused on wedding stuff!

Post # 20
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Creiddylad:  well, I finish my master’s this December, and Fiance has a down payment saved up, but we need to convert that into an actual place to live first. Right now we both live with our families

Post # 21
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Powel Crosley Estate, Sarasota, FL

@Creiddylad:  We got engaged in July and are getting married in Feb 2015 – and we’ve been together for 8 years (!) – so I totally feel you on the waiting game.

My best advice is to savor this moment. You have the rest of your lives to be married – and only this relitavely short period of time to be engaged. Use the word “fiance” as much as possible, have a field day browsing Pinterest and trying on gowns. Use this time to plan each detail, and get excited for your big day!

I might even suggest looking at planning timelines for a 15 month engagement. There are probably some things you can start chipping away at.

Finding a venue and getting your date is the most difficult time consuming part. Use time to your advantage and find the perfect place to get married.

Our venue was popular as well (all Saturdays booked through 2015 and some into 2016) – so we ended up booking a Sunday. We saved money and it will still be a fabulous party!

Post # 22
4025 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Honestly, an 18-month engagement would be a dream come true for my SO and I. Regardless of WHEN we get engaged, I don’t see us getting married before October 2016, meaning, I’m looking at a 2+ year engagement if I get engaged this year. We opted for a longer engagement for a number of reasons, but most specifically, I wanted the wedding of my dreams, the venue of my dreams, etc. I didn’t want to comprimise just to get married six months earlier. I graduate from grad school in May 2016 and didn’t want to have a stressful final year ON TOP of wedding planning, and then because we live in Florida, getting married in the summer of 2016 was just NOT happening. We live together, we have a life together, we are, for all intents and purposes “married,” but regardless, I want the wedding of my dreams.

Now, talk to me when I actually have the ring on my finger and I’m going absolutely bat-shit insane, you may rub this post in my face.

For right now, are you able to make any other decisions? Maybe just checking SOMETHING off your list will help you feel a little better and make it feel more “real.” Maybe do some cake tastings, meet with florists, or photographers? Maybe select STDs or invitations, even though you can’t send them yet. My sister had a 22 month engagement, and she said the best thing when she felt as if she was stalled was that she tried to look at it as being stress free. There were no looming deadlines and she and her then Fiance now DH could take their time making decisions. Plus, she was able to book the venue, photographer, caterer, florist of her dreams because she was making decisions for almost two years in advance! Most girls make decisions 12 months or less before they get married, meaning NOTHING was booked on the dates she wanted.

As for the manipulative parents, I will echo another poster’s statements: Manipulative family members will come out of the woodwork at any time during the wedding process and it is imperative that you pick your essentials (venue, dress choice, date choice, etc) and stick to it. Do not let their comments get under your skin, because they will try to grab ahold of this and steer it towards their needs and wants. At the end of the day, it is YOUR wedding and YOUR life, so unless they are paying for the entire ordeal, make sure you are not bending to their every wish and whim. There is something about a wedding that makes seemingly normal family members turn into crazy, crazy, CRAZY people. I’ve seen it happen to the best of people. I would stop discussing so many details with your family members.

Book a couple of tours at venues and then, no matter popular opinion, book the venue of your choice. You may think 18 months is far away, but around where I live, venues book up three years in advance, so I’d hop to it. The earlier you make decisions, the more choices you’ll have on almost everything. Waiting until it’s “closer” is only going to put you in competition with couples who got engaged six months after you. Bottom line, pick a venue and then start making as many decisions as possible. 18-months will be gone in the blink of an eye. 

Post # 23
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Creiddylad:  OMG this is exactly me. To a T.

We also got engaged in October and are getting married in May 2015! We also haven’t booked ANYTHING.

We didn’t really have much of a choice in terms of when we could get married – FI’s school schedule is crazy and we’ve always wanted a spring/summer wedding, and the summer of 2014 was way too soon for our tastes.

Right now, I am focusing my wedding energies 100% on finding a venue. I am booking one in the next two weeks and I don’t care who likes it (other than Fiance, obviously). I think once that is done, it’ll start to feel more real and other people will stop acting like we’re getting married in 100 years, rather than 16 months.

I wish I had more advice, but obviously, I don’t, as I’m in the exact same situation. With the parents (his mom and my mom, specifically) trying to make everything more convient for them and their families. It’s frustrating and it sucks. We’ll get through it!

Post # 24
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Creiddylad:  We have a 14 month engagement. Our wedding is in a little over 3 months now, and while our engagement is not as long as yours, time.has.FLOWN by. Seriously. I know it’s hard, but really a long engagement is great for the reasons you list out (can save money, find vendors, etc.). Also, having a date next year likely gives you the pick of the best vendors as they’re likely not booked up yet. Try to focus on the positives and really, it’ll be here before you know it!!!

Post # 25
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Believe me, I know how you feel. We also got engaged in October of last year and aren’t getting married until October of next year. We are having 2 days shy of a 2 year engagement.

It is not what I wanted my any stretch of the imagination, but it works out best for us in the long run.

I would start looking at fabrics and picking out what you want your dress to look like. Don’t let anyone get you down.

Post # 26
30 posts
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Creiddylad:  We had the same length of engagement and the first six months were so hard! People get so judgy about long engagements, but honestly we ended up working through some issues we didn’t even know we had, and we’re able to get married as an even stronger, better financially prepared, and more in love couple πŸ™‚ (engaged July 11, 2012, getting married May 2, 2014)

Post # 28
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Creiddylad:  I feel you. I thought a long engagement would be good but all I want is to be married next week if possible!

I’ll also be a May 2015 bride, but I don’t feel like it’s a total fantasy since 2 year engagements are common in my city, where venues are expensive and book years in advance. I’m also waiting to graduate from school, but we’ll be getting married right after my final exams, and a month before I have to sit for the bar exam. I’m freaking out about that a bit too much to focus on much else right now.

The major problem with a long engagement is that there’s plenty of time for everyone to give you their 2 cents. I have no advice, but I’m here to commiserate with you if needed!

Post # 29
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@sailor_girl:  +1, great advice.

It’ll be ok, lady!  This first part is the hardest because EVERYTHING is up in the air.  Once you have a few big things settled, it’ll become more real and you’ll appreciate the extra time to plan and pay for everything.

Post # 30
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Muhlhauser Barn

@Creiddylad:  I agree, long engagements can kind of suck, at least at first. We’re 16 months into our 20 month engagement and I can honestly tell you that the first 6 months or so kind of sucked… once we got under the 1 year mark it started to feel much realer. We did book our venue early, but only because my parents were moving out of the state and I wanted my mom to be able to tour reception halls with us prior to them moving. We did get a great price on our photographer because he was brand new when we first got engaged — his prices were $800, but now they’re over $2,000 as he’s gained a reputation over the past year. Even if you’re not solidifying plans yet, do your research now and start any DIY projects too while you still have that newly engaged “I’m getting married!” excitement. Also, ever since the holidays last year time has been flying by… I can’t believe we’ve only got 4 months now & it’s time to start getting my dress altered, having showers and my bachlorette party, etc. 

Post # 32
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Creiddylad:  My engagement will be 23 months. We set a date and booked the venue the week after we got engaged, without asking for anyone’s opinion, then booked the photographer about a month or two later, then booked the church. We are looking for a caterer next. You can start looking for other things, like a photographer, right now, and you can start sewing your dress… who cares if you mom thinks it’s too early?

Some people make a big deal about long engagements – especially older people because it was uncommon when they got married. There are many reasons for having them (i.e. my Fiance and I live 2 hours apart currently and didn’t want to either live separately or have to accept crappy jobs just because the wedding was approaching) and it’s no one’s business but your own.

I understand that it sucks to wait but just focus on the good parts – lots of time to plan, no rushing, lots of time to save money, etc. It’ll arrive before you know it! That’s what I keep telling myself anyway πŸ™‚

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