(Closed) Long Engagement Naysayers

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that’s just their competitive side coming out. I know a ton of people engaged after us and getting married before us and none of them act like that… that is just so rude! Why would anyone want to say those things?!

Post # 4
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Most people try to be sympathetic with me b/c they know it wasn’t really our choice.  I get a lot of pity comments like “I’ll be here before you know it” and “at least you’ll have more time to plan”

Nothing snarky as of yet.

 

Im getting married May 2012 and got engaged this past January.

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

We got engaged in April of 2009 and our wedding is December 2010.  I haven’t heard much – – – however a friend got engaged last month, and her wedding is in July.  One of my bridesmaids commented – – oh, S got engaged after you and is getting married before you!”

 

Post # 6
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

We get it a lot – engaged Oct 08 getting married June 10 – many people have been like, “man, you’ve been engaged forever, are you actually getting married?” I just play it off – it was our choice and we’ve been planning since the beginning so I just shrug it off – enjoy the time!

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i can’t imagine why people would even say anything. it’s preference. to me, it’s the same as saying “oh, you waited until you’re 30 to have children? well, i started at 28! what’s wrong with you?” so what?! when you are ready, you are ready. why would it make a difference to ANYONE how long your engagement is? it’s just strange.

 

Post # 8
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am getting married in September and my two closest friends are getting married in July and October. All of us are in eachother’s weddings. It can get kind of crazy, so I try to keep the wedding talk to a minimum or I am just pretty vague about our details because I don’t think this should be a contest.

If it were me I would either ignore the comments or next time it comes up lightheartedly say something like “We’re enjoying our engagement and I guess we’ll all bed old married people by next year!” 🙂

We all have our own time lines. Do what works best for you anf FI!

Post # 9
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We got engaged in July of last year and our wedding is this coming September.  When we announced we chose September, my mom thought it was going to be of the same year…and when we clarified 2010 she was like why wait?!  Um…HELLO!!! hahaha  I know a few people who got engaged after us who are getting married before, but at the same time, these people are getting A LOT of financial support for their wedding.  We didn’t want to rush and are paying for the shindig so waiting was the right choice for us.  Let the naysayers say what they will…you can always say that you want to see what X & Y did wrong to make sure you do it right! 😉

Post # 10
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

For some reason, my husband’s boss was the worst when it came to heckling us about our long engagement (18 months, not even really that long). He would say to my then-FI that I must not be sure I wanted to get married and that I was giving myself plenty of time to change my mind!

We got some other comments from people too, but I think it was just meant as a joke/they weren’t thinking. It never really bothered us much, because we knew that it was the right timelength for us! 

Post # 11
Member
1049 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I got engaged in April 08 and we’re getting married in June. Over 2 years, but so what? Our engagement and planning process has been (for the most part) relaxed and not rushed, we had plenty of time to save and get everything we wanted and now we’ll be getting married with no wedding debt at all. I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

We also dated for 5 years before getting engaged. I’m sure that’s crazy too, but I couldn’t care less.

Post # 12
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Its weird but I’ve heard a lot of strange comments.  Some man I don’t know asked me about the details and said, “isn’t that a bit long?  I mean when you decide to get married you just do it”.  We will have been engaged for 1.5 years before the wedding.  It was what worked best of us, we’re still glad we did it that way.  We haven’t experienced as much stress as a lot of other, rushed couples have felt.  And we could still enjoy the engagement while saving, whereas with a shorter engagement, we’d just be saving money and doing nothing else.  That guy just sounds kinda jerky.  I’d ignore him, he may also feel a bit of jealousy that you have a longer engagement than he does. 

Post # 13
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You said it right its not a race, I didnt know there was a time limit on how long you are allowed to be engaged….We have never had anything negative said about us being engaged too long.

Dont listen to him..

Post # 14
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We got engaged in January of ’08 and the wedding is this August. So a little over 2.5 years. It has made the planning process so easy and unrushed. Not to mention we had our pick of vendors 2 years out! 😉 

I dont understand why people think that it’s a race or something. One of my friends met a girl, got married and has had a baby all in the 2 years that I’ve been engaged! 

Post # 15
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

We got engaged in November of 08 and made our preliminary guest list. We put down one of FIs friends with a TBD guest since he had just broken up with his girlfriend. Then, he met someone in February, engaged in June (I think), married in November.

We have had many friends get engaged after us and married before us. I think the important thing is just that couple’s do what works best for them. I can’t imagine making it a race!

Post # 16
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My mom told me yesterday that she thinks ours is a long engagement.  By the time we get married in July, we will have been engaged for slightly over a year — 14 months.  I thought that was average, but maybe I’m wrong. 

One of my friends got engaged before me and isn’t getting married until October of 2011.  I’m really excited about her wedding, and actually kind of jealous of her long engagement, since it’s such an exciting time, and it goes so fast.  It’s actually pretty great that she’s not getting married for another year and a half, b/c we have a lot of friends in our group getting married this summer.  Having the weddings more spaced out makes it easier for me to attend all of them 🙂

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