(Closed) Long Engagements (and a somewhat long post!)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

FH and I are having an engagement lasting a little over 3 years. We’ve gotten some comments, mostly people saying that we obviously aren’t ready for marriage if were waiting so long or that FH must not be ready for marriage and I pushed him into it so that’s why it’s so long, but truthfully he wanted to be done with college and have a better job. We originally didn’t plan for such a long engagement but we had some setbacks.

It’s given me lots of time to plan and finalize my choices. We know what’s right for us just like you and your FH k iw what’s right for you. People are always going to have something to say.

Post # 4
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Yeah you’ll get reactions like that, but it’s your life, not theirs. Fiance and I will have been engaged a week shy of 2 years on our wedding day. I have said this so many times on the bee, but it has flown. We’re down to a couple hundred and some days, and I have no idea where the first year went! We were jusy busy with life and suddenly, it’s actually time to plan!

Post # 5
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m in college and my fiance works about an hour and a half away from where I’m at and I could lose my scholarship if we get married before I graduate. We’ve technically been engaged for the last year but we made it more public on New Years Eve when he finally had saved up money for my ring and surprised me with it. He didn’t want to tell his family until he had a job and I had a ring so only a few people knew. We won’t be getting married until probably March of 2015 so hopefully by then I can have graduated and if I can’t graduate a semester early then it will be June of 2015. I personally think if the long distance is temporary and you guys are a determined couple like me and my fiance are then you’ll be fine. This is my second year in college and he comes over every other weekend and he also with his job gets holidays off. He’s a union man and is a groundsman for now and the job comes with really good pay and benefits. He will be at this job until Feb of next year. We survived all last year going a couple months at a time without seeing eachother at all and it made both of us realize how much we enjoyed eachothers company and how much we wanted to be together. You guys can definitely do it as long as you’re both willing to put a lot of work in the relationship. Me and my fiance are high school sweethearts and March will be five years for us and even with the problems we’ve had we got through them and survived the distance with neither of us being unfaithful. I agree if you can get through being away like this for a few years you can get through anything. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree with PPs, especially sherryberry. You’d be amazed at how fast time flies. When I first got that ring in 2011 and he brought up the possibility of a long engagement I almost cried. I wanted that wedding right away. But I also wanted my degree and and to be out of where we were living. He also wanted a more solid job. Quickly realizing I couldn’t have it both ways, I sulkily settled on a 2 year engagement. And you know what? If something inevitable does come up and we have to stretch it out a little longer it’s okay because we’ll still have that day when it comes and I will still love him just as much. 😀

Post # 7
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I DID cry! I was so disappointed when I finally accepted that engagement didn’t equal wedding.

Post # 8
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’re both military and didnt want a long engagement but we’ve ended up in a 2 year one as we needed to dibsy a date in our very beautiful (and thus very popular) church in our home village and we’re now down to the 17month mark and things need booking!

Future Father-In-Law doesnt like our wedding ideas, it doesnt match up to his grand showy offy ideas, he doesnt feel proud of us (yay us.). Every time he argues it out with us and over complicates things if he starts loosing he dissmisses the arguement by saying “we’ll see. It’s a long way away you might change your minds” ….errr in the world of weddings things need booking!

Post # 9
Member
2691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I get the same reaction and my wedding is fall of next year!

I think most people see engagement as a hurdle to get over and not an actual step in a growing relationship. They think you only get engaged to get married, not make a commitment to each other and take your time making your special day everything you want it to be!

Don’t listen to anyone, longer engagements mean more time to save and plan and I can’t see anything wrong with that.

Post # 10
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, I’m currently towards the end of a 2,5 year engagement. There are definitely positives about a long engagement, you can enjoy just calling eachother fiance/e and take the planning process at a very leisurely pace. It sounds like you have perfectly valid reasons to take a long engagement.

First of all, the length of your engagement really isn’t the business of other people. It’s up to you and your fiance to decide. But people will decide to make it their business anyway, so you just need to shrug it off.

The other thing I want to warn you a little bit about is that most people will not be excited about your wedding during the planning process, first because the wedding is such a long time off and then because you’ve already been planning it for so long. This may pick up a bit in the final months, can’t say much about that yet. You may also get to the point that I was recently at which is wedding-fatigue – you’ve been engaged for such a long time and the excitement and novelty has well and truly worn off, it just becomes another thing on the to-do list. Especially if you find yourself planning a lot of it by yourself because your fiance isn’t around (it turned me somewhat into a type-A control freak because I was the only person working on it so much). I really don’t want to put you off, just passing on a few words of wisdom so you can avoid the pitfalls I fell in!

BUT, there’s so many good things about a long engagement as well – financial breathing space, urgency of deadlines for getting big things booked etc.

Post # 11
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We’re having a long engagement (2-2.5 years) and FI’s family is very thankful for it because it will be a destination wedding for them and we wanted to give them time to save up for it so most of them can actually make it there. My family probably won’t be as enthusiastic about it, since it will be in the town they live in, but I figure they will get over it. I’m highly doubtful my parents will be helping us out, so we’ll be paying for everything out of our pockets. So the more time we have to save, the more sane I figure I will be during the whole planning stage.

Post # 12
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Sorry but 2 years isn’t a long engagement… We’re going on 3 years with no end in sight. I’m fine with that because I went back to graduate school. I get the looks too and the “well why dont you just do blah blah blah”. It annoys the hell out of me. Stay strong and do what’s right for you.

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