(Closed) *Long* I need advice. Am I being unreasonable?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

cate23 :  

Ok, that sort of changes things…I don’t blame you AT ALL…in addition to not spending time together, you are essentially funding his hobby and lifestyle that he does alone while you are busy working…that would definitely build resentment in my mind!! Maybe I am wrong, but I suspect you feel your husband should be spending more time looking for PERMANENT employment and less time farting around at a gym…I think you need to discuss all of the issues with him…particularly if you guys have debt to pay off…he needs to grow up!!

Post # 32
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

IIII donno, I don’t think it’s fair if you don’t like it and you’re also paying for most of it…

SO has a job where he works most saturdays, is renoing a house, and is big into mountainbiking, sailing and rock climbing

I usually leave for work an hour earlier than him, hit the gym on my way home, have an active social life and blog in my spare time (which any blogger will tell you is a fuck ton of work), also in the summers while he’s working weekends I go up north and we don’t see each other AT ALL at least 2 weekends of the month

so.. we’re big on having dinner together as much as we can, but honestly most of the time, certainly in the summer, we’re more like ships in the night. This works for us though and if it ever didnt (and sometimes it does get to me) we mention it to each other and do what we can to change it. Similarly if our families are feeling neglected or like they haven’t seen their kid’s partner, we make effort to show up more consistently

It’s a juggling act, but it’s YOUR juggling act, so you need to figure out what you can both be happy with

Post # 33
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee

We spend at least 4 hours a day together. 

Post # 34
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

cate23 :  So . . . you are paying money for him to stay away from you most nights of the week, which is making you very unhappy?  Read that back a couple times.  I think I see a very easy solution to this problem.

Post # 35
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

ct2015 :  This was my thought as well.  I know substitute teaching, here in FL anyways, doesn’t pay much at all, and the MMA classes have to be expensive.
OP- is this hurting your financial goals/ savings at all?  If so that would be a huge issue for me.

Post # 37
Member
4260 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

That would make me sad too.  My Darling Husband and I are together whenever he is not at work, and he is a teacher.  Maybe once every 2 weeks we do something on our own.

Post # 39
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

cate23 :  that’s way way less than I was expecting for the classes.  Still, I’m sorry you’re not getting the time you want.  We are still that couple that are always together.  I adore my friends, our kids, and the rest of our family, but I’m happiest when I’m with just him.  I hope you can find a compromise that makes you both happy.

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