(Closed) Long LDR waiting rant, should I be upset?

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I definitely understand why you’re upset. LDRs are so tough! That is why so many do not last; however, there are still tons that do. The bottom line is that if you want it to work, it will.

Be happy you have an end date though and know when this job ends – that is such a relief because you have a light at the end of the tunnel! You know you can start your lives together then. Keep looking forward to that.

I’d sit down with him (over Skype or IM obviously) and just have a real conversation about the future. Tell him the distance makes it so hard to just casually date – you need a plan. It makes things so much easier to have a general timeline of when you want to get engaged, about how often you can visit, and when you want to get married. You don’t have to be demanding about it, but just explain it’s something you need to feel secure.

Hang in there, girl!

Post # 5
Member
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@minipenguin:  I understand why you’re upset, but think about it, it’s probably just as hard on your SO having to be apart from you and having such a demanding job that leaves his future plans (even for the next week or month) so up in the air.  Men like to be in control, and it probably stresses him out a lot not being about to give you an answer.  He probably doesn’t like being reminded that he’s not in control and doesn’t know what’s going to happen with his work schedule. You should try to be understanding and supportive, and tell him how much you appreciate him working so hard to prepare for your future together.

My husband works in a similar job to your SO, and we were also LDR before we got engaged.  It can be really hard being in a LDR and giving up so much without being officially engaged, but try not to stress about that either, because it sounds like you are on the same page about your future, it’s just a question of when.  For me, my husband didn’t want to propose until after we were no longer in a LDR, after we could spend more time together.  Our relationship was less stressful then, and we had more time to fully enjoy it. It was hard to wait but I understood and there was no doubt in my mind it would happen– and when it did, it was amazing!

I would make sure to talk to your SO about what his work will be like after he leaves this job site. Is his schedule still going to be up in the air and unpredictable? Does he know if he will definitely be able to get more time off?  And what’s his long-term plan for his job, meaning how long will it be like this, and when (if ever) will he have a job that lets him come home to you every night? These are important things to plan for so you know what your life together will be like.

Post # 7
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I totally understand where you are coming from. If you read my late three threads you can see we same some things in common. I was in a LTR too, for a year while my boyfriend went to finish his masters degree, and it wasn’t always easy but we did it, when he came back we moved in together, and I was hoping since everything was going well and we were happy that a proposal was on the way, silly me, he didn’t even though about it, and when I brought it up he was like: “what? we are so young… career… settling first… I don’t know what to tell you… maybe in 3-4 years”.

So I belive in can be hard when guys are not in the same page as us, I too would like a stupid ring in my finger remembering me he is worth waiting for.

Some other bee gave the advice to just walk away, I’ve give him 8 years already (we are both 24 years old and dating since 16), and that he as no intension to marry me at all, but I know he is worth the wait. But maybe this could make sense to you? What do you feel? I think the most important thing is how you feel about the whole thing. 

I hope you can sleep on your feelings and mke the best choice for you. If you need to talk don’t be shy, I’m here 🙂

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