(Closed) (LONG!!) Not sure how to get over something… :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@FutureMrs.HK:  Yes, he was used, but he also allowed it to happen.  It sounds like he is very caring and goes above and beyond in his relationships to care for others, however, he needs to learn not to let people use him too. 

Post # 5
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

@FutureMrs.HK: Think about it as much as you need to. You can’t tell yourself “get over it” because that’s easier said than done. If you need to feel angry for a little while, feel angry but don’t act on that anger. And don’t take it out on him because we’ve all done stupid things for love. 

 

Post # 6
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrs.HK: You just have to know there are people in this world who will look for those generous souls and take full advantage of them.

This girl found her “cash cow” for that part of her iife and unfortunately your FH didn’t know how to stand up to her. 

If it really bothers you, maybe talk to a therapist about it. But in all honesty, it’s in his past, he’s moved past it (and he was the one wronged not you) so it’s in your best interest to look forward instead.

Post # 8
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Sometimes people do bad things to other people.  He putup with it, then he learned from it, he moved on, he got her out of his life, and he seems to have “forgiven” her.  Now it’s time for you to get her out of your life (and head) too.  You need to forgive her for what she did.  Once you forgive her, you will be able to move on….just like your fiance.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrs.HK: If this is affecting your relationship with your FH then you should definitely talk to someone to figure out how to get over it. 

What about it is really upsetting you? I still am not 100% sure what you are so upset about/can’t get over.

Post # 11
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@FutureMrs.HK: Are you jealous in some way that your Fiance gave so much to this woman? Are you mad at your Fiance for having been duped by her? Or are you annoyed that she’s trying to get back into his life now? 

I understand having issues with events/people from your FI’s past, because I sometimes do, too, even though I know it’s completely irrational. 

Still, it sounds like he’s 100% moved on from this situation, and he’s learned a lesson… 

Post # 13
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrs.HK: I don’t think stubbornness has much to do with it, but I think you are dwelling on the past and maybe have some little bit of self-consciousness which is causing you to not feel “good enough” for your FH. I think you need to address those issues with someone so you can be happy with the wonderful relationship you have and the wonderful man who wants to marry you rather than dwelling on his past.

Post # 15
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I understand this, DH’s ex-wife royally screwed his finances in the final months of their marriage and we are still dealing with it, 3 years later!

At first I was extremely angry that Darling Husband wasn’t more on top of things and felt that is was really his fault that it got so bad (it was, don’t get me wrong).  When we talked about he said that he left her to do whatever because he felt bad about their break-up, which sounds similiar to your Fiance.

My best advice is to just give it sometime, it will get better! It does seem that he’s moved on from the situation.

Post # 16
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

your husband sounds like every guy I dated and even my hubby. I’m the girl that comes after when women would use and abuse these “poor” guys. My hubby and both my exes were extremely generous and they let women take advantage of them…to the point where they owe LOTS and LOTS of money.  One even bought a house with the ex and walked away when he found out she cheated on him..he still owes $50K for money spent on her truck, and paying for her master!  He didn’t have money so he borrowed it just to pay for her.  The other ex owe 10K in personal loan by the time he found out she cheated on him.  My hubby however got it worst. He was not only out of the money spent on his ex’s engagement ring, but she racked up so much debt on his cc and other charges (using his ssn without him knowing) that he had to file for bankruptcy. ๐Ÿ™ We’re still dealing with that now, but I chalked it up to bad luck and a really hard and rough life lesson!  I don’t blame hubby for it and I don’t know any of those girls to ever have any hard feelings about it.  Yes, those guys I was involved with and my hubby got burned, but I also believe in karma and it will come a day when those girls will pay for their deeds and those guys and my hubby will be rewarded for theirs. It doesn’t help to be upset or stress about what already happened. I tried my best to be there for my husband and to show him that I love and honor him..and that I would never in a millon years use him as he was in the past. 

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