(Closed) (LONG!!) Not sure how to get over something… :(

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@FutureMrs.HK:  Hopefully talking to someone will not only help you get though this, but be happier and more secure in general.

It sounds like you’ve got yourself a great guy and that you’ve got a good head on your shoulders as well. 

All the best to you!

Post # 20
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Fortunately for me, these exes were so horrible that everyone cut them out of their life and made sure not to mention them so I don’t really know much about any of them…Yes, block them..you don’t need to keep tabs on her…focus on your energy and attention on you and your husband. My husband’s ex emailed him telling him how I’m not good enough for him (she doesn’t even know me)..so I know she’s stalking him on myspace and facebook..but don’t let her childish game get to you.  You got the guy and she’s obviously just living a sad loveless life that she’s trying to stir things up for you so that you’ll be in the same position.  So don’t let her win..block her and make her not exist to you and your hubby. 

(not that i’m wishing anything badly to happen)! I’m telling you what happened to one of my ex’s ex really to show you why karma’s a b****. I came to find out one of the ex married the guy she cheated with had a baby and the baby had down syndrome..and she suffered a great deal since birth.  Unfortunately this was extreme and whether or not it had anything to do with karma bitting her in the behind or not..i feel badly for the baby.  i’m still friends with the ex and I guess she looked him up via facebook to tell him.  He feels sorry for her too, but she did what she did and he’s now in a better place.  

Post # 21
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Remember there are 2 sides to every story. You only have his. You don’t truly understand the dynamic of their relationship then, because you were not in it.  Maybe she is a horrible person, but maybe he was perfectly fine with all of it then, and it was just the way their relationship was. The fact that this is effecting your relationship now, doesn’t seem to make any sense to me.  It’s not “his” issue therefore it shouldn’t even be on your mind.

Post # 22
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know how you may feel. It’s a feeling of, ‘how dare someone hurt the person I love the most in this world’. Even though she was part of his past and he is over her…it’s still new to you…and the fact that someone could take advantage of the person you admire for just that very thing….is hard to imagine.

My DH’s ex-wife royally hurt him before their divorce. Although she and I get along now, it’s more or less for the sake of his daughter. Even though her and I are cool…I still think she is a heartless bitch for doing what she did to him.

The best thing I can tell you to do would be to assure your Fiance you would never hurt him the way his ex did. Make sure he knows how much you love him…that will throw his trust back in for all women-kind. His knowing your words to be true will be healing for you. Good luck my dear! xo

Post # 23
Member
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@FutureMrs.HK: I think I know how you feel, kind of, because I get this way, too. I might feel jealous at some level, too — she’s needy and dysfunctional and yet so far she seems to be getting away with it.. .or at least she has more money that you. 

It sounds corny but just try to remember that your reward is your life. You are independent and don’t take advantage of people, and you get to marry your Fiance. You’ve got your act together. That is a hugely valuable thing.

As far as her contacting your Fiance….I agree, that’s not cool at all. I’m glad your Fiance has been blocking her. That’s the right thing for him to do! But it is annoying that she’s popping back up.

Just try to stay in the present and think about the life you’ve created for yourself and how proud you can be of that. You can’t control the past or anything about this woman.

 

Post # 25
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureMrs.HK: OMG get out of my HEAD! I could have written this about my DH’s recent ex.

She did the same thing to him: used him and discarded him. Now she has found him on FB and wants to be BFFs. She even asked for an invited to the wedding! He told her it was family only and she still said she was coming! Needless to say, we didn’t send her an invite and she did not come.

Basically, all he and you can do is ignore her. Just know she is in the past. EVeryone has to go through the fire in life something to learn a less. Both your Fiance and my DH learned the same lesson: some women are just no good.

Now he is with you so he has a positive healthy relationship. I have told my DH I do NOT want her back in his life. If she sends him a HI on facebook he will respond back but he will tell me haha.

It is good your Fiance is strong enough to resist her. Be thankful for that and know that you will give him a better life than she could ever!

Post # 27
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think you will take comfort in the saying “What goes around comes around”. You stated above that you envision her living this perfect life abroad, happily unscathed from all of the hurtful things she did to your DH in the past. I can almost guarantee, that is not the case. When people are bad, good things do not happen to them. I’m sure she has her demons giving her a hard time for what she’s done, and who wants to be friends with or date someone like that? I’m sure that’s why she’s now trying to seek out your DH, because she’s been rejected by everybody else so she’s trying to go back to the one person who allowed her to act horribly.

Honestly, if I were you I would probably feel sorry for her more than anything. It sounds like she’s really messed up her life and I have a hard time believing people can be happy who are so mean to everyone else.

Post # 28
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@FutureMrs.HK: Some people are so narcassistic they can’t see when they are wrong. I’m like you; I have a conscious. I don’t even like taking money from my DH. I really can’t believe his ex would still think they are friends when she basically leached off him. He loved her and her son. They boy call HIM daddy. His family HATED her and when they met me they met me with suspicion because they were afriad I was like her (they did not want to see their beloved son/brother hurt again). UGH! The nerve of her asking for a wedding invite!

I admit I’m jealous, but in the sense of if she was a leach then she will do it again now. I will NOT allow her to come into our lives and wreack havic. I’ve cut loose male friends of mine who could not respect the fact I was married and I will make sure she stays away too. Luckily both of SOs can see the snake in the grass!

Post # 29
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Would you feel better if she paid him back? Like it would be resolved?

Post # 30
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!! Do we have the same DH? Lol!

My DH had a friend whom he met during h.s who was EXACTLYYYYYYY like the girl you described. She used him for money ALL THE EFFIN’ TIME!!! She had a b at that time (whom she is now married to), however she still managed to use my DH. This way she saved her bf’s money I guess.

My DH had issues at home with his parents fighting constantly and being abusive so whatever time this girl spent with him to hang out, he was very greatful for that. And kept on dishing out dollars. (UGH! The thought KILLS me.) She would take him to the mall for ‘shopping’ and he’d pay for EVERYTHING. He was working a lowly job @ that time at some fast-food joint and paying literally the entire paycheque to her whims. So I TOTALLYYYY understand how you are feeling. *hugs*

Anyway, they had a falling out. I won’t get into that. BIG HUGE BLOWOUT 1 yr before DH and had even met.

But it did bother me up until even 2+ years of knowing and being with DH because I felt that all the money he spent on her, he could have saved for HIMSELF. (And consequently for us.) Plus he had her on FB! ANDDD we got engaged a few mths after her engagement announcement on FB. I couldn’t help but feel like that had something to do with it. Even though DH has convinced me it does not. But you know us women… lol!

We had a HUGE *SS fight over it a few months before getting married to the point that I wanted to just walk away. And so did he! Cuz he couldn’t quite understand why this is bothering me so much?

I was angry @ him for being stupid enough to be used and not saving his money. He was angry @ me to not be able to realize what a ‘few minutes of happiness’ meant for someone who had the shittiest life possible. (That is true. He did have that and it is true that I did not see it.) But none of that mattered to me!!!!

The point being, the ONLY way I wwas able to get over it was to consciously make the decision to LET THE PAST GO. I mentally pictured myself purging ALL this sh*t out of my thoughts and slowlyyyyyyy (ok ok, PAINFULLY slowwwwwly), I was able to get over it. Took me a conscious DAILY effort to do this for about 2+ months.

Now, we are in a much happier place. I am much more confident in myself too. Knowing that “so what if DH has lost all that money? It’s done and gone and NEVER coming back. Good for him, he has me now who is not like that. He is better off. His lucky stars are shining.” lol!

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