(Closed) Long rant , but there is a question I need advice on in here somewhere!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

This is what you do,

Assuming you are paying for all the heads at this point.

You keep # for you and your fiance for immediate family and friends.

You tell all parents that they get # number of people to invite that includes extended family and friends. Then they have to figure out how to make their list fit the number. If they want more than that they can pay the extra per head cost.

But do be aware that you will likely end up with people there you dont know because its a time for parents to be proud and “show off” their kids and they want to share it with people for their own reasons.

 

Post # 5
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you are, I wouldn’t have the money to pay for extra people over my budget. I think it’s fair if someone insists on inviting someone then it should be their responsibility to pay for them to be there. 

Post # 6
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Can you tell each of them “You can invite X amount of people?  That is all we can afford.  We would love having them there but it simply is not in the budget.”  So if for example, you give each of them 15 people, including themselves they can work on “their” guests lists and they can figure out who makes the cut for their allotments.  If you want you can add that they can have more than X amount of people if they give you the $26 for each person more than X  by x date.  Then the ball is in their court. Not yours.  

Post # 7
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I read the whole thing, dontcha worry! My advice:

-awesome that your Future Mother-In-Law is so supportive. Lean on her to give you advice about how to talk to Future Father-In-Law. She will know him well (even though they are seperated) and will know how to approach him

-you SHOULD NOT and DO NOT HAVE TO invite people you don’t want to your wedding. I think it is completely reasonable to say “______, unfortunately we have a very limited budget for this wedding. I can afford for you to invite (##) guests to our wedding, but we cannot afford anything above and beyond that.” This gives them the opportunity to offer to pay towards more guests coming

-I am also having a small wedding and the bees were great at telling me to talk to my mom about her slowly growing guest list (I wanted 40 people and she wanted to invite 20!). We ended up compromising so that she was able to invite 10% (since my parents are paying). We agreed to 60 people, tops, so she is allowed 6 guests. My mom wasn’t thrilled, but I also agreed to stay out of who she wanted to invite (and a woman I DESPISE is coming) and we were all honkey dorey.

-also… you said it is only $26pp, but don’t forget the extra costs with invites, paper products, favours, extra tables (and possibly extra rental items), centrepieces (if you need to make a new table), and a larger cake. I think you should realistically be asking for at least $50 per person above that limit to cover the most basic costs.

Post # 9
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@RAWR.its.BREN: I say that in the end, most of it won’t matter (and I am probably the most laid back bride on most things). If you don’t want a bridal party– don’t do it. If you don’t care enough to fight, it likely won’t matter in the end.

They might be upset now, but in the end it will all work out!

Post # 11
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Girl, I totally understand. Darling Husband and I were absolutely set on a small wedding (we invited 80, 65 came). It was one of my few non-negotiable issues. My mother and I had a couple rousing fights on the issue (she told me 120 was more realistic) but I eventually won. My parents DID pay for my wedding, but in the end my mom realized that this was important to me and she backed down.

Your families will understand, but you have to be firm about it. No matter who is paying, it is your wedding and you do have the final say. Break down the allotment of who can invite how many people and tell each side that they have that many number of invitations, period.

Post # 12
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@RAWR.its.BREN: Mom’s are crazy. My mom told me I was bridezilla for the following reasons:

-I REFUSED to even consider having more than 60 people (and originally wanted 40)

-I don’t want a recieving line

-I am considering a sweetheart or family table rather than a head table

-My Fiance and I decided our speach will be “Thank you for coming. I hope you enjoy celebrating our special day with us”. and THAT’S IT. We hate public speaking

-I am only letting her invite 6 of her closest friends (not including 5 that I agreed are also sorta close with me growing up)

-I don’t want a slideshow at our wedding. At all. Ever. I even used the “t” word to show my extreme displeasure.

-I felt it was standard that our photographer would want a meal and didn’t wnat to negotiate to NOT feed her for 8 hrs.

 

Mom’s be crazy! Everytime I tell her one of these things, she calls me Bridezilla. Then she argues as to why we should have it, mostly because of tradition or “that’s they way it’s done at weddings”. Funniest arguement? She thinks I should have a cupcake cake! *gah* *gives up*

It is their job to make you second guess yourself while pulling your hair out. Don’t let them get you down!

Post # 13
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Stand your ground.  This day is not about them.  We told our parents they were allowed 5 people each…not couples, not families, but people.  Luckily only Future Mother-In-Law wanted people.  

Post # 14
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@RAWR.its.BREN: I read the whole, lol. Sometimes its good to get some background before offering advice.

I read all the responses you had and I totally agree and what they are saying is fair to EVERYONE involved. You and Fiance get X amount of ppl, your parents can invite X and your FIs parents X amount. Anyone who mants more has to pay BEFORE the invites go out. I would say this because my mother said she would pay for a few ppl that she HAD to invite and its less then 3 weeks from my wedding and im yet to see a dime. If the extras your parents pay for dont come then they can get the money back. But at least that means that they really really want them to attend and arent just adding numbers for no good reason.

Stay strong, the best thing is your Fiance and you have each others back!

Post # 16
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@RAWR.its.BREN: This seems very simple to me.  The one paying is the one with control of the guest list.  Period.  End of story. 

The topic ‘Long rant , but there is a question I need advice on in here somewhere!’ is closed to new replies.

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