(Closed) Long Story about love please help

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1439 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s normal to wonder about “the one that got away”. My advice is just based on part of your experience and I don’t know your feelings, so it should be taken with a grain of salt.

1. Try to keep in mind that you never lived with John day in and day out and that you likely have an idealized memory of him with all of the good things magnified and any flaws forgotten. You’re building a real life with your husband which is a beautiful thing, but does involve sacrifice and hard work, so it makes sense that you might think that things would be easier with John. It’s not likely that they would be though.

2. Maybe you could focus on the reasons you married your husband to try to get John out of your mind (I assume you don’t want to get back in touch with John. Since you didn’t want to leave a boyfriend of 6mo, you probably don’t want to leave an almove 4 year relationship/marriage either. 

3. It might help to make more of an effort to do exciting and spontaneous things with your husband. When you’re living together and just going through life things can get routine, but you can stop that! And you could also (after initating some exciting things) talk to your husband about how much you would appreciate it if he did the same.

I hope things get better soon!

Post # 5
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think many people have a “one who got away” or maybe even more than one! A few of mine are still around town and I still have career-related relationships with so at first it was hard to put them out of my mind.

Just because something shows up in your dreams doesn’t mean it’s that special….I mean, I have some pretty weird and crazy dreams, whether sex-related or not. Try to avoid over-romanticizing the situation — you will likely end up with a really unrealistic picture of your relationship with John. For all you know he had a million annoyng habits and you would have hated each other after a week of living together!

For me, the trick was stop stop fantasizing. I don’t necessarily mean sexually, just in general — stop daydreaming about “what could have been” or reliving what you think happened. Doing these things just feeds into this loop of crazy thoughts that are probably unrealistic. When I sat down and told myself that, and quit having those thoughts, the feelings went away pretty quickly. I don’t remember if it was a month or a few months, but they really did go away. If I run into them, I briefly think, “oh man, he is still cute!” and I have no desire to have those daydreams again.

Like many emotional things, it’s a lot about self-talk. enjoy the here and now. When you ar at work and want to daydream, daydream about your current man. It will improve your current relationship and get all those what-ifs out of your head!

The topic ‘Long Story about love please help’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors