- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I have been happily married for almost 3 months. My husband is 3 years younger than me and an amazing person. He is nice, compassionate, good looking, and loves me. We dated for 3 years and lived together for about 7 months before getting married but there has been something haunting me for quite some time and I need to get it off my chest.
4 years ago before even dating my now husband I met a guy (John) on a trip with girlfriends. I felt a total connection with him even though I just hung out with him for a day. We had a long distance phone relationship for about two months. He sent me a plane ticket to go see him because he lives on the other side of the country. I accepted the ticket. A week before I was going to see him the phone calls stopped so, I didn’t end up going. Since I already had the time off, I left out of town anyways and while away he called me on the day I was supposed to arrive. He told me that he stopped calling because he bumped into an ex-girlfriend and didn’t know what to do, and that at that moment he didnt think it was right for me to go because he had mixed feelings about him, her and me. Then a few weeks later he tells me to go see him with the same ticket he had sent me. He couldn’t come see me because of work, I told him that he had to make an effort to see me first and then I would decide. He never came to see me but we kept talking for about 3 months. We stopped talking because during that time I met James, my husband. One day when I was drunk I called John and started talking to him again. I ended up meeting him while on another trip with cousins and spent a weekend with his friends and my cousins and cheated on my boyfriend of six months.
We had a great connection. My cousins loved him and we all had fun. John could not accept the fact that I had a boyfriend. He told me to break up and that we could get to know each other. But I couldn’t, I was scared to leave my boyfriend for something that was uncertain. I talked to him for a couple of weeks after that then, I stopped. And that was it. I went on with my life. My husband found out that I had seen John because he read one of my agendas and I told him part of the story except that I cheated. He forgave me, because I told him that I needed closure before moving on with him. The problem is that I always think about John, I even dream about him. I don’t think that I will ever feel what I felt for him in just 3 days for my husband whom I dated for 3 years. I can’t even explain it. I didn’t allow myself the opportunity and it is something I am always going to regret. I think about things he said, our conversations, things we did, and the sex. My husband is not as fun, and as impulsive as John. I feel very guilty at times, and really can’t tell anyone. I’m happy but I always think what if? It has been 3 years since I last saw or talked to John, but I can’t get him out of my mind. Advice please!