Post # 1
I could never sum this all up in a short paragraph, because the drama has been on-going for about 5 years now. Basically, I have 2 SIL’s, both of who don’t care for me, never have, and the like. I have tried the “better person” approach, the “I don’t care” approach…all of it. Boils down to; we tolerate each other, we’re civil, but that’s the long and short of it.
I married their brother about a year ago, and still, things haven’t changed. My BFF and my family threw me a beautiful shower, (SIL’s had nothing to do with, NOR did they ever offer) which was more than I could ask for, and I was so thankful and fortunate to have people like that in my life, even though some of them weren’t “family.”
Now, to add insult to injury, I also have a Future SIL who is getting married soon. The SIL’s are throwing her a Bridal Shower…I was invited at the last minute, and I am sure that’s because the Mother-In-Law “made” them invite me out of courtesy. Question I can’t answer is: Do I go? Do I not go? I’ll add that I’d rather do ANYTHING than go due to feeling extremely uncomfortable, but the future SIL did attend my shower, so I’m in a really tough place. Not to mention hurt, upset, uncomfortable, and somewhat disappointed. Help!
Post # 3
Be the bigger person and go. Don’t let them dictate your relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law.
Post # 4
You have to go. Even if you for some reason dont get along, you dont need to make things worse by not going.
I will say that i dont particularly like my SIL’s either. But i’m respectful of them and i try to be nice (even when the one makes me want to punch her).
Post # 5
@bakerella: Thanks, guys–I was thinking that, too…I probably need to take the high road and just go…
Post # 6
Sorry to hear about your situation, thats has to suck.
I would suggest you go. You don’t really need any more “drama” from them!
Post # 7
meh i say no go. If someone obviously dosn’t want me around, the last thing I wanna do is be around.
Post # 8
Suck it up and go. Be poliet and respectful. Stay a reasonable amount of time. Then have “previous engagement” for which you have to leave a bit early.
Post # 9
I would go, but I would put a positive spin on it for myself. Like, “Awesome! I get to go and be wonderful and happy and show them all that I am not affected by their negativity.”
I dunno, maybe it comes from working in customer service but I always find delight in being overly nice to the people who are the sourest. It is SO hard to continue being mean to someone who is acting really happy towards you. As long as you can pull it off without coming across as totally fake though, otherwise it may backfire!
Post # 10
@ ALL you guys..thanks! Your answers really have helped me decide on what I already felt like I should do! Not excited about it, but I gotta keep cool! :o)
Post # 11
I would base my decision on the relationship with the Future SIL. If you feel like you have a good relationship with her and want to be there for her than go and ignore the other biotches! If you dont think she cares for you much either than skip it all together
Post # 12
If you don’t go it will make you look bad. I would just suck it up, show up with a happy face and a cute outfit and just make an appearance. You don’t have to stay the whole time, but definitely show up. 🙂
Post # 13
@BrightGreen: I like how you think :O)
Post # 14
It’s about the bride, not the hostesses. Just go.
Post # 15
I would go. I don’t know what your relationship is with Future Sister-In-Law but please, (I’m sure you don’t do it now) do not confide in her about the uneasy relationship you have with the other SIL’s because it could get back to them and cause drama. Just keep your distance. Some folks are lucky enough in their IL’s some are not. Just thank God that they don’t poke their nose in your marriage. Keep your head high and enjoy your relationship with your husband.
Ps. Make sure you shine your rings, wear a banging outfit with nice makeup and smile smile smile as if your heart depends on it at the shower
Post # 16
I agree with BrightGreen. Go, and be your loveliest self, but don’t be fake about it. The lecture I would give myself would be: “right, there’s going to be lots of people here, including future extended family. My aim is to be polite and charming and the nicest version of myself that I can be, so no-one can say that I was rude to SILs or that I had anything to do with creating an air of awkwardness for Future Sister-In-Law at her shower”. It requires a game-face, but you could see it as a personal challenge. Offer to help with any serving etc at the party, but don’t make a face if the offer is rebuffed. When you get to the front door, take a second to compose yourself and be ready to be lovely. You’ll feel better for being the bigger person too…
Good luck! 🙂