Post # 1
Hi All… This is a long story… But I need some advice…
My sister is bi and has been with the same girl for about 9 years. She is out to me, my sister, my fiance, and all her friends… The only people that really don’t know are my parents.
She would really like to come out to my parents and bring her partner to the wedding. I am totally cool with this. BUT… We are excactly 3 months away from our wedding date and she still hasn’t talked to my parents.
There are two problems…
First, I really don’t want my wedding to also be a coming out party… Especially since we really arn’t sure how my parents will react.
Also, my sister has “told” me that if she brings her partner she will also “need” to invite some of her friends… Since her partner won’t know anyone and my sister will have to be part of the bridal party activities, such as taking pictures.
I am totally stressed. We are on a budget and have had to make hard decisions about who was being invited from our own friends. Also, I know that there will be a couple of other friends of our’s who won’t really know anyone and I intend on making sure that everyone gets introduced so that there won’t be any awkwardness.
I just don’t think that it makes sense for my sister to invite people who have no real relationship to me or my fiance.
Post # 3
You need to sit her down and tell her due to budget constraints, you cannot invite any other people but her and her girlfriend. You also need to tell her that it would be better for her to tell sooner rather than later, but that’s totally something she needs to do. Also, weddings are NOT the time to come out to a family.
Post # 4
I agree she can’t just add people for the sake of making her date more comfortable. Straight, gay, bi whatever, what if everyone did that? I’ve been to weddings where I didn’t know anyone. Granted I didn’t just drop a bomb on anyone, but still it’s YOUR day. My friend went through something kind of similar, only her sister was dating someone of a diff. race who her parents were not thrilled with. (Come on ppl of an older generation, get with it!) Anyway my friend didn’t want and “tension” I guess at her wedding so she just demanded they all work it out. Now they love him and the sister ended up marrying him so he’s their son in law!
Anyway…tell your sister how important it is for her to be at your wedding and for her and her g/f to have a good time, but that you would like it all to be out in the open wellllllll in advance so that YOU can be the focus of YOUR day! That’s my 2 cents!
Post # 5
It’s lovely that you want to be accommodating to your sister and her partner, but she is not doing anything to make it easier for you.
Your wedding should definitely not double as a coming-out party for her. That is absolutely not fair to you. If she has delayed telling your parents this long, that suggests to me that this news is not going to go over too well, and perhaps is best left until AFTER the wedding at this point. If you think 3 months is long enough for them to adjust to the news, then insist that she tell them RIGHT NOW and if she doesn’t, then leave it until after.
As to having to invite a bunch of other people that you don’t even know to keep the girlfriend company … that is completely outrageous and out-of-line, especially in light of your budget constraints. If her girlfriend attends, she’s just going to have to live with not knowing anyone. I’ve certainly been in that situation, with my date being part of the wedding party. It’s not the greatest, but I still got to spend plenty of time with him. An adult should be able to manage to mingle with strangers for a bit.
Post # 6
You’ve gotten some good advice already. The only thing I’d add is, assuming you like her girlfriend, why not invite her to tag along during the bridal party activities? That might be preferable to waiting around by herself with a bunch of people who may or may not approve of their relationship. And if your friends already know about your sister, then I’m sure they’d understand. That way, you’re actively supporting your sister, following proper etiquette by inviting her long-time partner, making her partner comfortable, AND not breaking the bank. Win-win.
Post # 7
I think pinkrokker has some great advice, and you should not feel obligated to invite your sister’s partner’s friends. Maybe your sister was suggested this in an effort to make herself feel more comfortable by having more support? I hope she decides to come out before your wedding – can you be there with her or in other ways support this? Sounds like it would be best for all concerned.