(Closed) Long Term couple not living together – 1 invite or separate invites

posted 7 years ago in Paper
  • poll: How should I invite this couple
    Separate invite : (7 votes)
    14 %
    1 invite - to him with her name under : (17 votes)
    33 %
    1 invite - to her with his name under : (23 votes)
    45 %
    Other - explanation below : (4 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My Fiance and I have been together for a while but live separately and we always just get one with the other’s name on it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4582 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We ran into this when sending Save the Dates and we just sent them to the male friend’s address with his girlfriend’s name on the second line.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1287 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I agree with sending them just one invitation, maybe you could just call them up and ask what would be easiest for them? (or ask them next time you see them)

    Post # 7
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Send it to HER! If my husband received the invite while we lived apart, we never would have gone to the wedding for he would have forgotten about it. Unless he’s a very conscientious man, he is not going to even know to send an rsvp. Don’t mean to stereotype, but I’m just sayin’.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2600 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would just send it to her with his name on the 2nd line.  We did that for a few people on our list.  Who knows if it’s to the letter proper etiquette, but it seemed the most natural option and worked for us. 

    Good luck 🙂

    Post # 9
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    One should be fine. But to the one that would be most likely to RSVP

    Post # 10
    Member
    1698 posts
    Bumble bee

    According to rigourous correct form, you send one invitation to each member of the couple unless they live together. This is because, according to the most formal standard, every guest must receive equal treatment: as far as the invitations go each guest must be addressed by his or her own name, and receive the invitation at his or her own address. This gets around the problem of having to decide which member of the couple to send the invitation to, and prevents you from following stereotypes which some diligent courteous gentlemen (or, for that matter, some free-wheeling etiquette-spurning women) might find offensive.

    It also gets around the problem of trying to figure out who wanted the beef and who the chicken when you get a response back for “2” with both options checked, or of trying to figure out which one is coming and which one isn’t, if you get a response back for “1”. Of course, if you were following rigourously correct form these wouldn’t be problems anyway because rigourously correct form doesn’t include R.s.v.p. cards. But I thought I might give you some practical considerations that might matter even if you don’t care about what’s “correct” or not.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1698 posts
    Bumble bee

    @unixfairy: Fortunately, I have reached the coveted status of “respectable old spinster lady”, so that my young relatives and acquaintances who are in long-term relationships of the non-marital variety tend to hope that I have NOT noticed their status. (They apparently forget that those of us who were at college back in the ‘sixties were  inventing the sexual revolution, letting it all hang out, and making love not war.) They tend to feel relief that they’ve pulled the wool over my eyes, rather than resentment, when I follow correct form. And, I like to feel that my efforts accustom them enough to what’s proper, that it may smooth the way a bit for younger women like you to do the same.

    I’ve (rarely) heard people mention their filing systems, too, but they get little sympathy. This is 2011, after all. If convenient record keeping matters so much to them, they’d be far better of with a spreadsheet.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3981 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We had this same situation but we just sent it to him because he is closer to us than she is but addressed it to both of them. Easier that way.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I had one like this I just sent it to him with her name on the invitation too. They don’t live together but she stays at his place a lot.

    Post # 16
    Bee
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    That’s so cute – problem solved, I guess!

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