(Closed) Long term girlfriend not invited to 3 friends weddings in short succession

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sorry, but your friends are being rude. If my friends weren’t inviting a SO of mine (especially one I have been dating for over a year), I would stop showing up to their weddings. 

Post # 32
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

A +1 is a courtesy guest, a date. A live-in girlfriend of whatever duration is half of a social unit and must be invited, by name. Entirely different situations.

The bride and groom are asking you to celebrate their relationship while choosing to ignore and insult yours. 

The only people who get to decide if two people are a couple (a social unit) are the members of that couple.

At 1.5 years my dh and I had been married for a year.

If he weren’t invited I wouldn’t dream of going. And I would explain why to the rude “friends” who so completely disrespected our relationship. 

Post # 33
Member
9565 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Your friends are being really rude. If you are serious about your girlfriend being your partner- don’t go. She should be the priority over your friends from 10 years ago. 

Post # 34
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s a tough call. I see both sides. Would like to see an update in what you decide. 

Post # 35
Member
2107 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Your friends suck. Budget or no budget, limitations or not, you don’t split up a married/engaged/long term living together couple. How rude of them to snub your relationship while asking you to celebrate yours. If I were you, I would absolutely skip all three. They are being beyond rude. I know DH wouldn’t go. Your relationship is more important to you than your friends. Show your girlfriend you are a team and on the same side.

Post # 36
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Your friends are 100% being rude. They expect you to come celebrate their relationship, but won’t even acknowledge that you are in one? Crazy rude. 

FTR – A +1 is for a truly single guest. What you have is a significant other. Who should ALWAYS be invited to social events, because you are a social unit. Too many people on here give terrible etiquette advice (well if you haven’t met them/been together for 8 years/bought 6 properties together then you dont have to invite them), but in the end it is rude, and she is hurt. I think she will be very upset if you end up going without her, as she’s put up with your rude friends for the past few times. 

Post # 37
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Florida

Okay I could maybe give your friends a pass if they’ve only met once, however you’re LIVING together, so there’s no excuse, she should’ve been invited. If I were her, I’d be so upset, and my SO would decline going before the subject ever came up. From the way you talk, you’re being a little dismissive of your GF’s feelings. From your post you’re making it seem like you think she’s overreacting and you’re not putting yourself in her shoes and understanding her point of view. I understand you want to go have fun with your old college friends, but they are being rude. Ultimately, if you plan on being with this girl forever and marrying her, I’d suggest declining the invite, and when they ask why, be honest and tell them because they didn’t invite your Girlfriend who you LIVE with. If you do go, she’s going to be upset with you and she’ll likely never want to hang out with your friends as they snubbed her. Truthfully, my SO is the most important person in my life. And if my college friends didn’t want to get to know him or invite him to their weddings, then honestly I’d be okay not hanging out with them anymore. You need to reevaluate your priorities here, because she’s hurt badly.

Post # 38
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

I would never have attended a wedding without my DH, even when he was my boyfriend. We were serious at 1.5 years and living together also. I wouldn’t celebrate someone else’s relationship while they marginalised mine. 

Post # 39
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

A girlfriend of 1.5 years is not a plus one!! She is your partner, they should respect that. 

The first wedding was an understandable misunderstanding, they rectified the issue and your girl friend was completely fine with this. The second and third time  it  was a snub and I can’t believe you didn’t man up and fix it.

I’m sorry op but your post makes you sound like a twat. If you care about this girl you will speak to your friends and defend your relationship. Man up.

Post # 40
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

If it were me I’d decline the invitation. Your friends are disrespecting your relationship and you need to stand up for it. 

Post # 41
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I wouldn’t go. 

Post # 42
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

I also wouldn’t go. When me and my boyfriend where together for just over a year we got invited to a family wedding and his cousin ensured I was invited – we had just started living together.

she also included me in that side of the family pictures (which I wasn’t expecting and was shocked at) because she felt I was part of the family if I lived with her big cousin. 

I’d have been furious to be not invited to three weddings. Also curious to see what you decide 

Post # 43
Member
948 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
konzy :  I understand that numbers of guests and funds are often limited when planning a wedding. However, I can’t help but feel for your girlfriend. Your friends may not have intended to slight her or your relationship with her, but their actions are fairly inconsiderate, particularly when talking about a cohabiting couple.

I can’t think of a single instance in the last 13 years where I’ve been invited to a wedding without my now husband being invited too. That includes family weddings, where the bride and groom may never have met him before, as well as weddings that took place during the 3,5 or 4 years that he  and I were living in different countries working on our plan to live together again.

Post # 44
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You both live together. You’re in a partnership that would be deemed worthy of being considered a social unit. I’m assuming they obviously know you both are together and live in the same home. So, I do agree that it is rude, even in cultures that don’t allow plus ones to everyone, for them to exclude her from your invite. So, I can see her point of view especially if she is from a culture where plus ones are always given.

I wouldn’t personally ask you not to go. It’s ultimately your choice. I wouldn’t personally go because I do find it rude especially when in consideration to my partner. However, I can see how this would affect the relationship your partner may want to hold with them in the future. So, you may have to accept that these are people she personally may not want to be around going forward or bestow invites to if you were to get married.

The topic ‘Long term girlfriend not invited to 3 friends weddings in short succession’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors