(Closed) Long Term Long Distance – What would you do?

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’d move where he is and take the crap job (and not elope). Crap jobs are temporary. They just pay the bills and rarely define who you are. You also may be surprised how temporary they are. Because you are moving locally, jobs in your field may be more likely to hire you instead of taking a chance on someone “maybe” moving to the area.

As for the elopment, it really depends on the couple. Where is your Fiance standing on this situation? Does he want to just be married or does he want to have a big wedding? Before you move, make sure you guys are on the same page.

Post # 4
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hate LDRs and wouldn’t be able to live apart. It’s torture! I know a lot of people think a little sacrifice is a good thing – but when it comes to living away from each other, I don’t think anyone should have to (if they can help it).

I would look for a job online, give my notice, move to be closer to the man I love. Jobs are temporary anyway, but being together now would help solidify you as a couple and will ensure that you both grow with each other and not apart.

Post # 7
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would move to where he is for now.  It’s not worth getting into a new job when you aren’t sure where you will be living after he graduates grad school.  Some job is better than no job.

Post # 8
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My advice is that you at least wait a couple months to be sure about this job that you already have and enjoy.  Right now, the possibility of losing your job (this job you have worked for and enjoy) is a factor in your decision making.  But quitting and moving is a big decision and so I would suggest that you wait to decide until the job factor is definitive. (the possibility of losing/keeping the job is settled)

On another note,  I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost 4 years now (also because of schooling).  We are both graduating this year and will finally be able to be a non-long-distance couple (“short distance”?  I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for so long I don’t know what not being long distance is called! ha…)

In retrospect, I really do believe that we benefitted from the long-distance aspect of our relationship and were challenged to mature and grow as individuals and as a couple (in ways that nonLDRs are not neccessarily forced to).  It was definitely hard at times, but honestly I believe it was a blessing in disguise. πŸ™‚

Post # 9
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh btw, congratulations on your engagement πŸ™‚ I think it is nice that he proposed before you had to do the long-distance thing because it gives you some extra security on the relationship and gives you an excuse to spend time collecting wedding ideas (even though you don’t need to do concrete planning yet).  I actually feel like the pre-serious weding planning is more fun than the serious wedding planning, so try to enjoy it πŸ™‚

Congrats again! (I wish I had a ring on my finger to help me get through my LDR…ha…)

Post # 10
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Fiance and I started dating just after I left for a 2 year MA program.  He found a good job in our old town, but plans on moving when I move to my PhD program– we were different in that we didn’t want to live together before marriage, but it made much more financial sense for him to be back home.  I’m taking out loans and working a little, but am pretty much sliding slowly into the negative.  We really couldn’t afford both of us going into debt. 

That said, we are 350 miles apart.  One of us makes the drive every other weekend. Sometimes it gets lonely, but we’re as positive as possible about it and we’re getting married this summer. 

If Fiance really hated his job, or didn’t have one at all, we might have considered the move? I doubt it, though, just because he has cheaper rent where we’re from and we still wouldn’t have lived together. But again we aren’t as far as you are so ours is a little more doable. 

If you can live with him (and thus save on rent) and think you won’t have a job anyway, I’d move out there.  It’s easier to find a job when you already have one. 

Post # 11
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would do a crap job and get married in 3 years. My Fiance and I did distance for a year (700ish miles) and we saw eachother every month or two about 6 months into our relationship (prior to being engaged). It was doable but not enjoyable. We also did it this summer (I had an amazing internship 1500 miles away) for 3 months with no visits. We got engaged right before I left (literally the day before I felt like a total jerk making the drive out) which made it a little easier, but it was still no fun. Next year I’m taking a year off between undergrad and graduate school because he has a year left in law school and I would rather do the crap job for a year and be with him then be miserable at school (where I won’t kow anyone). 

Post # 12
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would definetly move to where he is and take the crappy job. Im in a long distance relationship right, a really .. really long one, so if I had that oppurtunity, I know Id jump right at it. Long distance sucks!

Post # 13
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We’re getting married this year (we think!) primarily for this reason. The distance isn’t the hugest deal – we’re about 900 miles apart (I think, it’s about 1400km) in two different countries. He’s in a PhD program for another 4 years, while I’ve got about another 2 years to go in my PhD. I won’t be quitting my job, per se, but I’ll be giving up some of the perks of being in the same city as my supervisor as well as losing teaching assistantships, etc. For us, it makes the most sense, as we have a small child and it’s more difficult for me to complete my studies alone with her than it is when I have my partner around.

In your situation, I don’t know. I think I’d stick it out until you find out about your job. If you lose your current job, I’d move (either getting married or not). If you keep your job, I’d think it over some more. I’m a big fan of lists so I’d make a serious pros and cons including everything – finances, personal happiness, employment prospects, etc.

Good luck! None of the decisions that come with this stuff are easy.

Post # 14
14 posts

I think I would stick it out until the lay off. I was in a similar position and was anxious to quit, but a month later I was laid off (although I was rehired a month later). It worked out in my situation because I was able to spend a month with my bf in another country at the time, and was able to dictate when I was available to start again. I realize this situation is a little different from you but..

It seems like in your case money may be an issue? I wonder if receiving unemployment benefits is something you would rely on? If you quit, you may not be able to receive these benefits. Also, it seems your fiance isn’t in a position to be able to support the both of you, if you just up and move while looking for a job.  I would want the option that allows me to save the most money while I can in the meantime before the inevitable. If you really can’t stand working there or the distance, I would at least set up a few “crappy job” interviews where he is or research the options available before moving. You have to think about your happiness as well, and you don’t want to resent your choices. Make sure you fully understand what you are up against if you choose to move because although you made the choice for love, it easy to feel resentment or depressed about your new situation without a plan and a back up solution. After all, his life will continue as normal, while you may feel yours has fallen apart. I am sure whatever choice you make will be the best for your situation. Wishing you the best of luck! πŸ™‚

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