(Closed) Long wait before engagement – how not to wreck the relationship

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 59
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Mouse217:

 

The better you handle the waiting, the more confident he’ll be in his decision to make you his wife.

 

SUCH A GOOD WAY TO PUT IT!!!!!!!!! Amazing verbage ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 62
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I understand your frustration about the ticking clock thing. I’m 24 but I’ve had a condition go undiagnosed and untreated for 10 years before anyone even diagnosed me. Because of my lack of insurance…my only treatment is birth control, which to be honest, isn’t doing much. Needless to say, my fertility is compromised and have been told by numerous doctors that if I haven’t conceived by the age of 30, then I should give up and would be approved for a hysterectomy. I will most likely need IVF and other treatments to try to conceive. 

My boyfriend hasn’t proposed yet, but the ring is picked out. However, I was quite brutally honest with him when we first started dating. I told him what I wanted, and as a woman, even if my body won’t cooperate with me, I can get it to at least try. If he won’t compromise, then I can’t wait. If I’m taking the chance of compromising my God-given right to bear children, then he can compromise a bit of his “well I planned on however many years…after I’ve done all of this stuff”. 

I think you’re already starting to resent him a bit And honestly, I wanted to try to have kids before we got married. I know that some men eventually do want a family, and if I can’t give him that, I don’t want him to resent me in the longrun either or feel obligated to be unhappy because of a marriage. But he said he wasn’t worried about that and wanted to be with me, so I’m very grateful for that. However, people become resentful because they feel like they haven’t gotten a chance to completely tell someone how they feel about something. So sit down and TALK to him about the reality of your feelings.

Keep in mind that women well into their early 40s deliver babies everyday. If you’re worried about your ability to conceive in the future, I’d go to your gynecologist and talk about it. I’d do things to get your body “baby ready” so when the time does come to have children, your body is in an ideal stage to conceive. I know that sometimes it’s hard because people are getting married and having children. Because I know we’re about to get engaged, I’ve been extremely sensitive about the topic of kids. About 5 of my friends have gotten pregnant or given birth in the last year, the baby showers and pictures and announcements are becoming too much. So I find small ways to deal with it, if I get invited to a baby shower, I send a gift, but I don’t go. Most of my friends are aware of the situation and completely understand. Just take it one day at a time and find small ways to deal each day. Stay positive, get a hobby, and think about what you CAN do about your situation in the meantime instead of feeling like you can’t do anything about it. 

 

Good luck hun. I wish you the best ๐Ÿ™‚ Sorry for the novel lol

Post # 63
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Would it be possible to have a converstaion about making it a year from now?

Post # 66
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Adams_bee:  What you don’t understand is saying all of that stuff is the easy part. Not letting it get to you is a whole other story. I am guilty of discussing our engagement a little too much and logically I dont want to wreck anything.  When is it time for the girl to be allowed to finally say something? How long are we supposed to sit in precious silence while the years pass?

Post # 67
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

exactly I HATE having to be along for the ride. I am a strong independent woman who has established a career for myself and graduated college. I am capable of a lot. What I am not capable of it sitting around on someone elses time line. It drives me nuts. 

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