Post # 1
We just got officially engaged about 2 months ago and have decided to wait a couple years to get married. I hope it’s just the fact that we just got engaged, but people keep telling us what kind of wedding we have to have.
Backstory is that we have both been married before and did the big wedding. We both have no plans on having any type of party. He’s 14 years older than me with two older kids and I’d be fine if he wanted to have them be part of the day (most likely JOP wedding and dinner after) but I do not want a party. We both agree on this.
For those of you who eloped or went to the JOP, how did you fend off the opinions? I’ve just said “oh, we haven’t even thought about the wedding. We are just enjoying the engagement!” Any other suggestions?
Post # 2
“I appreciate your excitement, but we have a different vision for our wedding. We can’t wait!”
Post # 3
We ran off, hiked a mountain, and eloped with an officiant friend and his wife our witness/photographer. Some of our friends and family were sad they wouldnt be participating in our wedding but we told them we just wanted our marriage to be about us- to be quiet and stress free. We also promised them a big party the following summer (which is about to happen August 11th!) and that seemed to give friends and family something more tangible to look forward to.
Post # 4
I honestly don’t think most people should or normally do have the same expectations for a second wedding. Not that they should for a first. Just tell people you plan to do something small and intimate this time.
Post # 5
weddingmaven : that’s exactly what I thought! I have nothing against 2nd weddings, but I have no desire to have one and I’m shocked people thing we would.
im hoping it dies down soon and I’ll use some of the lines you have all given me.
Post # 6
I we didn’t use any lines. We just said we are eloping. To Hawaii. We will get married on a beach. Just the two of us.
Nobody ever said anything to me. My aunt complained to my mom (for selfish reasons) and my mom told her to shut up, that’s what her child wants. Mother-In-Law said, oh yay a party and my husband told her no party.
(Fist marriage for me, second for him)
Post # 7
You just block it out. And say ‘oh that sounds nice’. Everyone has opnions on weddings, I mean there’s a huge billion dollar industry behind it. It’s hard not to take it personally, for example I’m having a small wedding and was event-shamed by a friend who said ‘seriously? we have 300 people weddings and anything smaller doesn’t seem like a legit marriage in our culture!’. Most of my family are dead so I burst into tears in front of her and then she felt bad and apologised and I got over it quickly
But seriously people just overshare. You do you 🙂 🙂
Post # 8
I’ve been engaged 5 months, we’re going to be engaged about 4 years because we’re paying for the whole thing ourselves. I initially kept being asked if we’d set a date yet, but people get bored and other things come up. They are just happy for you at the moment, it will wear off. Carry on as you are just saying thanks but we’re just enjoying being engaged at the moment.