- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Hello there, my fellow Bees!
It’s sad that my first planning post with WB is a sad and frustrating one.
My fiance and I are paying for this entire wedding ourselves, and we have been trying to save every penny for this wedding. Now we are really mad and upset about many aspects of the wedding, but I will vent about this one first. My MOH and bridesmaid. I have just one bridesmaid, and one MOH. So two in total. I kept it small, as 1) it would be expensive to have a bigger WP, and 2) I really don’t have that many female friends (I have mostly male friends) – I am totally fine with it, and so is FI. We are both very much on the same page about every aspect of the wedding, and this includes our WP. FI also has one Best Man, and one Groomsman.
My MOH is my bestest friend in the entire world, we’ve been friends since 8th grade, first week! We have drifted apart a bit since we both started uni, and we both went to the same uni, just different studies and faculties. But we’ve kept in touch…etc. We were at each other’s graduations, and it was great! When it came time that FI proposed to me (after almost 5 years of being together), I immediately thought of my her to be my MOH.
Now, when I asked her to be my MOH, she said yes, and was so super excited about being a part of my day. Okay, so then here comes the bridesmaid. I’ve had one bridesmaid from uni who I was close to, and she actually VOLUNTEERED and announced she’d like to be my bridesmaid. Me, being naive and all, I liked her, and of course said yes! And there we go, 2 people in the bridal party. I didn’t ask anybody else. Then, after graduation, I was offered job prior to graduation that started immediately afterwards. All was dandy. My BM didn’t graduate until the spring after I graduated. My wedding was set to be two summers from then – so, w/e. FI and I slowly planned the wedding. Then BM got a job and she was crazy busy and totally not involved in my wedding planning; she offered to come as a guest instead when I talked to her one night and comforted HER about HER stressful job. I was devastated, but respected her wishes and understood her busy schedule. But I was confused as SHE was the one who ASKED TO BE MY BM. But I understood.
So I panicked to find another BM. Well FI had another friend so somehow on a whim we asked her to be my BM. She was happy and said yes. And that’s that. The dresses have been ordered and custom made to order, a couple of weeks ago. We are not currently 4.5 months out. FI and I decided that WE WOULD PAY for their dresses (as well as the rental on the groomsmen’s tux). So FI paid for the deposit on the dresses, and when we pick it up, we will pay the remaining balance.
Then, when I mentioned that the shoes were to be silver, my MOH and BM seemed a little annoyed. I saw the annoyed look on their faces, and went home, and talked to FI about it. It was always just in our budget to be able to afford the dresses, mind you, custom made to fit their figures. My MOH actually did not seem to like the dress all that much, she’s the SUPER CHOOSY type who would take forever to choose one item, and only end up not buying it. That’s another reason why I KNEW that if I were to choose the BM dress (like any bride would), that she would be unhappy and not want to pay for it. So to get rid of all drama, WE PAID FOR THE DRESS. Well! Now the BM and MOH seemed annoyed the shoes had to be silver, so FI and I were thinking, FINE, we will pay for the shoes, too. As long as they’re comfortable shoes and within a certain budget (say, under $50/pair), it would be do-able. We just won’t eat out for two weekends or save on some other aspects of the wedding.
Like I mentioned, we are paying everything for the wedding ourselves. Only my parents have recently offered $10K on the wedding SHOULD WE NEED IT (looks like we will), but we aren’t using any of their money yet until the very end. So this wedding has been planned only on our budget – about $30K EXCLUDING our rings, honeymoon…etc. For about 130-140 guests. We’ve splurged on a photographer and full day videographer for over $5K because we really love and value that aspect of weddings, we want great memories…etc. And we splurged on a $4K prewedding photoshoot…etc. But I digress. In Chinese culture (both our ethnic backgrounds), although we are doing a “western” wedding with buffet reception at a beautiful OOT venue in the nicest part of the City…we are still expected to have beautiful pre-wedding photos, a Chinese/Asian tradition. Engagement photoshoots are different, and we had FI’s groomsman do one for us and it was great =)
Anyways, so later on I told the girls I’d pay for their shoes, as long as they are not over-priced and comfy and not too high (since they’d be walking in them the entire day). My MOH had the nerve to ask if they were expected to wear the exact same dress (the one in which FI and I had custom-made and paidf or them) the entire day…I said yes, that’s what BM’s do! She seemed a little peeved or something..it’s like dude, my ceremony and reception will be at the same place, one after another (making it easier for our guests..etc. as opposed to two different venues). Was she expecting to change for the reception or something?!?
Anyways, they were happy I was paying. I’m not sure if the BM or MOH knew that it is traditionally the BM and MOH who paid for their own dresses..etc. But I, once again, digress. We are in Canada and they’ve all been to weddings before and should know wedding etiquette to a certain degree. But FI and I are nice enough not to make them pay for their shoes or dresses now.
Now, HAIR AND MAKEUP. I have splurged on my MUA (who will also be doing my hair)..about $240, plus another $100 for her to do one makeup touch-up and hairstyle change for the reception later in the evening. So, close to $350. Well, I asked my MUA if she had prices for BM’s and such, and she said $120 each, with another $20/hour early start fee prior to 9AM. Well, I gotta start at 7AM, so I was willing to pay the $40 for each of them to start earlier…etc. I told them the prices, and I DO NOT REQUIRE THEM to have hair/MU done a certain way or w/e. I told them this and made it clear. They were BAFFLED, the BM said she’d have her mom do her hair, and she’d do her own makeup (I trust her on this one, she does do her own makeup). But my MOH..she can’t do makeup…perviously, I’ve GIVEN HER my makeup (I am a makeup junkie and I do makeup EVERY SINGLE DAY for work, school, going out…), and I’ve even done her makeup for her for a wedding she attended. She said she’d “try to do her own”…and that she’d like to have her hair done.
Okay…so, I hope she won’t expect me to do her makeup for her on MY WEDDING DAY, because I’m not even doing my OWN! Afterall, it is my wedding, and I don’t care if she wouldn’t have makeup on, she’s beautiful either way, she’s just gorgeous like that. But I won’t be paying for their hair and makeup. My gift to them would be a manicure at a salon that I have been to one time for my prewedding phtotoshoot. And that would be my gift to them, as I want them all to have nice nails for once (they never get pedis, manis)…and I’d treat that as a nice get together. But I have not told them this yet, I wanted to surprise them later on with this..plus, I will be buying them a small gift for thanking them for being on my bridal party.
NOW…sorry for the long rant, just need to get this out there. As a nice gesture, we decided to do a get-together in our newly-built home for the wedding party (MOH, BM, Best Man, and GM), plus their significant others. We provided the food, decorations, and even had custom T-shirts made for them, to get them to meet each other, and play some games, and to just have an all-around good time. FI and I thought it would be a great way for every body to meet one another. MOH brought us a pie of some sort. We were very happy! Nobody had to bring anything, it was NOT a potluck. But MOH brought something anyway as a nice gesture, and my BM brought something, too.
So, here is the part that I don’t understand. I have NOT HEARD anything about a bachelorette party or a bridal shower or a wedding shower at all yet, and neither has FI from his Best Man regarding a Bachelor party…we are 4.5 months out. On the Bee, everyone with the same wedding date or month as us has their dates and plans set already…I really doubt my MOH will be throwing me anything =/ Does she not know she has to? Last time she kinda mentioned she’d have to throw something, but that was 5 months ago, and still nothing – they haven’t been very involved in the wedding either. FI and I didn’t want to bother anyone, but when I mention I’d like anything done, like even GETTING my MOH to the boutique to get her MEASURED for her dress, she was fricken 30 mins late. For my birthady, she was an hour late. For the house party we threw, she was another hour late. SHE IS CONSTANTLY LATE. I never remembered her being late all the time. Why so LATE?! Anyways…I’m so so tired of this whole thing.
I’ve asked her to do the BARE MINIMUM already, and she’s late. I need to pick a dress soon, and she’s agreed to COME (OF COURSE). But if she’s late for that, too..IDK. I’m tired of her being late. I am no bridezilla but she’s pushing me. We already ask them to pay nothing for dress and shoes…and it’s like..what the else eff can we do?!
Would I have to ask them to plan something for me? I don’t care if it’s nice or fancy, I just want something small and simple, if anything at all! All I’m asking for is a simple something something…seriously, anything. But I don’t want to seem cheap and ask…it’s rude! I’ve been so upset, my FI has offered to pay out of his own pocket to have something thrown at our home for me, a bridal shower of sorts, and just pretend and tell the guests and attendees that my parents/his parents threw it, or w/e. I said no thanks, I can’t let FI do that! he’s too kind..
Anyways, I’m getting mad about this whole ordeal..I’m super upset. I doubt any showers would be thrown for me at all, my parents and his parents are uber Chinese and there’s no such thing as showers. So it’s really up to the MOH and BM…also, if not, then they should def. throw a bachelorette party or something in accordance with etiquette…it’s the BM’s/MOH’s duty..no?
I’m already paying for their dresses and shoes and even going to give them a separate gift. We even threw them a dinner party for the wedding party to get to know each other!
What the heck else do THEY want from ME?! I’m livid.