(Closed) Long…think I’m leaving my husband

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To be honest it doesnt sound THAT bad and it sounds like he is under A LOT of pressure and is taking it out on you. Im sure his business is really stressing him out and with you in school, he might view that as being “easier” than working (not that I believe that). I would maybe get some counselling and seeing if you can both be on the same page.

Post # 4
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. 

It’s tough to say, but to me if it was just that he was going through a tough time, I would understand one outburst but not the further refusal to work on things. The fact that he continues to stand firm on this makes me think that this is just how he feels. 

Have you told him that this is a big enough problem for you that you’re thinking of leaving?

Post # 5
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wait a minute–you pay RENT to your HUSBAND???? Are you kidding me? That’s obscene. 

I had to get that out.  I think you should take some time, chill out, and revisit the situation in another week or so.  Just go stay at your parents and think about it, talk about it, whatever.  Just don’t have any contact with him for that week so 1) he can see how much you do around the house and 2) you have time to not be influenced by him and his apparent idiocy.  Maybe it’s the pressure, but something sounds off here.

Post # 6
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m sorry you are going through that! I don’t really have any advice.. my Fiance and I split most of the household chores (if something needs to be done, it gets done) except for the garbage… I don’t help with that.

I hope you figure out what works best for you. either way.. it doesn’t sound like he is treating you/talking to you very nicely.

Post # 7
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsNarwhal:  Seriously? He called her “white trash” and has refused to apologize for that! How could your husband thinking you are trash be not that bad?

Post # 8
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

See, I dont feel as though anyone should put up with abuse, verbal, physical, emotional or otherwise.  The fact that he feels that it is his right to put you down,  and tell you to know your place, is a major red flag for me.  The fact that this has been going on for a month, is also troublesome.

Also, he is makeing you pay rent? No way in hell would I pay rent to my husband, you’re his wife not his roomate!

Post # 9
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No one deserves to be treated like that.  In my opinion, that’s emotional abuse.  You are not his slave.  You are not his mother.  I strongly suggest counseling, but he sounds like the type of guy who would refuse.  

Post # 10
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

I strongly disagree that what he’s saying and doing is not that bad. If a man told me to “know my place” and “equal partnership is feminist crap” I would be out the door in a minute. Yes, being under stress can make people say and do unreasonable things, but it doesn’t turn someone into a misogynistic jerk if they aren’t that way already. 

Post # 12
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Your husband is being an jerk. It’s hard to tell from your post whether it’s just the stress or if he actually is an jerk. I think the two of you need to completely cool off, then sit down and have a calm conversation about sources of stress and your expectations for the marriage.

ETA: Based on your update, he sounds like a manipulator. It seems like he will tell you what you want to hear on tough issues to avoid arguing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never had any intention of having an “equal partnership”

Post # 13
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Op… I am not sure that i would be ok with that.  if you had children and his brother-in-law decided to be an ass, he could kick you and your kids out on the street.   I am  SO not ok with this…

Edit: how long ago were you in councling for? Is this behavior that has started off small and esclated or is it all of a sudden?

Post # 14
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@NeedALittleHelp:  It sounds like he’s been being a jerk for longer than just recently. I think it might just be his personality and you would be wise to get out before you start building that house. 

Post # 15
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You had me at “know your place…” Oh, hell no! That is not okay no matter how much stress he is going through. Marriage is a partnership! I’d take some time away and revisit the subject one last time to let him apologize. If he doesn’t immediately retract his words and change his tune, it’s not worth it. Do you want to deal with this for the rest of your life?

Post # 16
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like you guys need to go through some marriage counseling. Marriage is an equal partnership and that’s not “feminist crap.” He is being disrespectful and emotionally abusive. Not only that, but he misrepresented his ideals to you when you were engaged but now his actions speak louder than words. He called you white trash for not keeping the house clean enough? There’s nothing okay about that. I understand that work and finances can bring a lot of stress, but there is absolutely no excuse for putting down your significant other. You are not an emotional punching bag. During tough times like these you need to stick together and support each other, not put each other down. And that business of you sleeping in the guest room? That speaks volumes about the state of your marriage, which sounds more like a roommate situation than a lifelong commitment.

Get help, and if things don’t get better, I would get out. Life is too short for things like this. 

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