(Closed) Longtime Friend Declines Invite

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 75
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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piperpoppy :  maybe your friend’s boyfriend paid for the trip? 

Post # 76
2989 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

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neverthoughtit12 :  I’m sorry you’re going through this and I totally understand how you feel. I come from a broken family and had literally five guests who weren’t mutual friends or DH’s family at my wedding.

For us, friends are our family so we go to absurd lengths to maintain our relationships. So a 3-6 hour drive and $1000+ expenditure on a friend’s wedding is totally reasonable. I start saving up for friends’ weddings as soon as I find out they’re engaged, and if I couldn’t afford to go close to the date I’d throw the entire amount I saved towards a gift because that’s how I roll. You seem the same.

But other people? They have real families who will always take priority. We are just another friend to them, if that. It’s best to accept that fact so the feeling of “unrequited friendship” doesn’t begin to poison all of your relationships. 

That said, one of my tests of friendship is to wait for my friends to return my calls. There was a time that my high school bestie was so caught up in her life (writing her senior thesis and getting her first adult job) that she forgot all about me for almost two years. Having a baby can do that to people too. So I wouldn’t bother contacting your friend further, but I would be nice if she reaches out to you. 

Again, I’m so so sorry you are hurting. Best wishes to you while you plan your wedding. 

Post # 77
6940 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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neverthoughtit12 :  No one here hates you. In fact many have said they understand how you feel. Of course you have every right to feel sad and hurt about this situation. It sucks. But you cannot force your friend to attend your wedding. It just doesn’t work that way. You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes in her life either. I’d move mountains if I could to make my dearest friends happy, but sometimes, no matter how much I want it, things just don’t work out. 

Post # 78
877 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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neverthoughtit12 :  No one hates you.

I think what is happening here is you are obviously very hurt she cant make it ( and that is totally normal) a wedding is a big day for us and of course we want who is special in our lives to be there to celebrate and witness it, however to me it seems like it is easier for you to blame this on her not being a good friend or money then it is to maybe admit that you two have grown apart.. which I get.. it is not easy to accept that a friend has moved on from you.

You really don’t know her financial situation in real detail, she may seem fine on paper..lots of people do but they are not in reality. Most people especially as they age usually don’t share this information even with friends, so this amount really could be too much for her to handle.

Maybe she really can afford but just doesn’t want to go, maybe its true that you are growing apart and that this is simply not what she wants to do with her day and money. I know that is upsetting but these things sadly do happen.

I am sorry that you are feeling bad that your Fiance is the one with the majority of the guest list, I get that can be tough to look around on your day and not see too many faces from your own life outside of his but this is a wedding for TWO people so all those people support the both of you not just your Fiance.

To be honest, maybe your Fiance shouldn’t have had such a large invite list if he knew you didn’t have that much friends and family and knowing it would upset you, that’s on him.


Post # 79
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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cherryberrypie :  That is certainly a possibility. Like others have said, peope have their own lives. The day is over so I am not dwelling on it.

Post # 80
325 posts
Helper bee

Seriously? I just can’t with your post. My best friend probably can’t make it to my wedding because she’s a single mother. I can’t be upset at any of my friends saying ‘ohh well you can’t pay pay $800 to see me get married? It’s a once and lifetime chance to see me have a big party, wear a fancy dress, etc’. Like that’s just plain rude. I don’t know her financial situation and she has told me straight up before she may not make it which I calmly said okay, I understand. That’s what good friends do. They support each other. I’m sorry that not a lot of people are coming to your wedding, it sucks but it’s life. It’s one day that’s about you but sadly, your friends’ world doesn’t revolve around your wedding day. I mean did you fly down to see her when the baby was born? You sent a gift, that’s great but I don’t see you offering to pay her hotel room or anything. You just expect her to be there. That’s jacked up and not fair. She just had a kid. Stop being so harsh with her. Maybe the reason why she hasn’t been contacting you as much is because she just got married, had a baby. Priorities change. Idk why she didn’t invite you to her wedding. Maybe ask instead of just flipping out because she can’t afford to come to your wedding.

Post # 81
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am sorry for your hurt feelings. It does sting to feel like the friendship is one sided. If this is who I considered my BFF I would have no problems cutting off the friendship. Sounds like you are not losing out on much anyway at this point!! Life is too short to feel sad and depressed about a so called friend. I hope that you can make some local friends. They may not become your besties but at least give you some fun and closeness/bonding to others.

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