Post # 1
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
I get it. These days women have more opportunities to succeed. You can become an executive, you can become a hot shot lawyer, you can become a principal…whatever it is, if you want to do it, you can. Its hard work, but women have made sacrifices and invested time to be these things.
However, some women dont look at their future and picture being a successful career women. What irks me is when others judge you for it. I get people constantly pressuring me to become established in a career first before marriage and kids. I am on the road to getting the career I want, but becoming a wife and mother has always been #1 to me. If I had to give up my career dreams to be those two things (which I DONT have to) I would do it. I wish people would be more accepting of women who dont mind being at home in the kitchen wiping the babys messy face or whatever it is….
Sorry for the vent, Im just irritated that a family member is being constantly critical of my choice to get married before Im established in a career. She is very established in her career and happy with her life. She owns her own home. Not married yet, but perfectly content. I admire her for the way shes carved out the kind of life she wanted so far, but its not what I picture for ME. Ok vent over…
Post # 3
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
The feeling is mutual 🙂
Our society and economic state have severely limited a woman’s option to do either one!
Post # 4
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
Oh yes, I just had this conversation with a co-worker!
Right now I have a job… It is NOT a career. It’s a pay-the-bills job. Honestly, I do want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom one day and I hope that in the future I will be able to do that. To me… that is a fulfilling life. To others, not so much. But that is the wonderful thing…. we have the choice to make our lives what we want them to be!!
Post # 5
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
I agree girl!!! Its like, when women didnt have the choice, and they wanted to go for the career, they got frowned upon. Now that we are pretty much equal and we can do whatever CHOICE we want, if we CHOOSE to be the stay at home parent/wife, or do both then we get frowned upon for that and NOT having the thriving career.
I feel your pain!!! I have actually always had my sights set on the career. The family would come, and my husband would back me, is what I had always pictured. Well. Im a woman… i changed my mind. lol. Once I got a little older, I realized that I wanted the family to be first.
Now that I work full time (2 jobs for wedding sake) and I take care of my Fiance and my home. (cook, clean, laundry, shop…. etc.) My mother mainly thinking I have gone crazy. I tell her that i ENJOY doing all that. and I really do. I LOVE taking care of my Fiance and making our home a real home. So when she claims that im “lying” it really erks me as well!!
Let us old fashioned girls stick together!!! haha
Post # 6
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
I have a friend this one friend that loves her career, and strives to be on top of her field. She said to me once, “I feel bad for my friends that don’t love their careers as much as I do.”
My response to that was “some people don’t live their lives for their careers. They have a career to facilitate doing the things they really do love – spending time with family, traveling, making a nice home, cooking, whatever. This is how I am.”
This is how I am. Yeah my career is ok but it’s not the focus of my life and I am very happy!
Post # 7
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
“some people don’t live their lives for their careers. They have a career to facilitate doing the things they really do love – spending time with family, traveling, making a nice home, cooking, whatever. This is how I am.” <—- This.
As a law student, I get some side-eyes when I say that I want to work enough to pay off my student loans and get comfortable and then go half-time to rasie our kids until they reach school age. Some people think I’m ‘waisting my potential’ but I say I’m using my potential to achieve what I deem to be priorities in my life.
Post # 8
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
I had my baby (planned in my first marriage) in the middle of school! I have yet to finish school, I do it at my leisure. I also have a really great full time job-career and a Fiance that says I can do whatever I want! He said I can stay home, run my fun business (it’s in the works), get my masters/phd, he literally has said WHATEVER I want! I get lots of looks when I explain to people that I’m in no rush to establish much more than my home and my family (trying for another as soon as Fiance and I are married) first. I always imagined doing something that I could bring my kids to, ie: family business or something. My future husband, my daughter and any future kids will always come before my job for me. For now, though, I’m super happy doing it all. 🙂
Post # 9
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
@indibee: “waisting potential” is a big one I hear a lot as well. Its really annoying and almost insulting. In a way people who criticize us for choosing not to make our lives about our careers or for putting building a family before the career think we are somehow lacking the mental capacity to make our lives the way they think its supposed to be.
There is no set order to the way things should go in anyones life. Someone wants a career first, great! Someone wants to be a stay at home mom, that is just as commendable. Being a mother and a wife is a BIG deal to me.
Funny thing is, some of the the women I know who are very into being a mom and wife start working again because work is almost a time for them to take a breather from being a mom and wife. For me, my career will be the source of income for me to be able to take care of my family, not because it makes me feel like superwoman.
Post # 10
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
@TheJeanses2012: thats wonderful!!! Good luck to you.
Post # 11
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
@indibee: “As a law student, I get some side-eyes when I say that I want to work enough to pay off my student loans and get comfortable and then go half-time to rasie our kids until they reach school age. Some people think I’m ‘waisting my potential’ but I say I’m using my potential to achieve what I deem to be priorities in my life.”
This! I am a law student also and forgive me if I don’t want to spend 80 hours a week AND my weekends in the office. I’m getting married becuase I want to spend time with/build a life with someone, not so I can work all the time. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who was all about work either. I don’t have this overwhelming need to have my last name on a law firm sign. If I ever get that far, awesome. If not, I’m fine with that too.
@AlbanianBride27: Sorry I got off on a little tangent here. 🙂 It sounds like your family member just knows how happy she is and wants the same for you. BUT, not everyone’s version of happy is the same. I am struggling with this with my parents right now. You just have to stand up for yourself and eventually when they see you happy, they will be okay with it.
Post # 12
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@TinyTina: “Right now I have a job… It is NOT a career. It’s a pay-the-bills job. Honestly, I do want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom one day and I hope that in the future I will be able to do that. To me… that is a fulfilling life.”
This is me entirely. I understand that this choice isn’t for everyone but I think it is great that we have that choice to make and can decide what best suits each of us.
Post # 13
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
Im very much the same way. I have always Imagined myself as the stay at home mother/wife who pretty much looked after her family and home.. and to me its whats important. to me, Home first- work second- But now that Im engaged and my and my Fiance have discussed this, we both realized that if we want a really good AT LEAST STABLE life for ourselves and our kids, wed need to both work. ugh, it annoys me as well.. but what can I do. I will give working a try after marriage and if I feel that it gets in the way of my NUMBER ONE responsiblities such as taking care of my husband and kids, then I will have to look into at home jobs or just concentrate on whats important to ME.
So do what makes you happy.. your house, your family is what is important to you. You shouldnt feel bad for doing what makes you happy, nor should you feel guilty. everyone does what is right for them. For instance those who choose to work, feel like this is what they hav to do and people commend theem for doing so. Being a housewife/mother is full time business and its the hardest most satisfying, most precious job a woman can ever ask for.
Post # 14
Member
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
I think the judgment goes both ways. I’m a lawyer, I work crazy long hours, and that means when I am ready for kids, I’ll be getting a nanny. The word “nanny” alone brings out SO much judgment.
Personally, I wish women would quit judging each other about these type of life choices entirely. I would not be happy as a stay at home mom, but if other women are, and they make that choice freely (not because of pressure from husband/family/etc.), than why shouldn’t they?
Post # 15
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
@sarahbabs:
exactly!! People should stop judging one another… Each woman does things her way and how things work out best for herself. If getting a Nanny to you makes you a happier mother, then why not?
Basically, each to their own.
Post # 16
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
Also , If I might add, then you can never satisfy anyone.. ANYONE. each person will have a point of view of how life should be run– and each person will try to reinforce thier opinions on to you and try to have you run your life thier way.. Just do what makes you happy– its your family after all, not thiers.