(Closed) Looking back it was…meh

posted 3 years ago in Recaps
Post # 2
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My 1st anniversary is this weekend and I find myself feeling the same-just kind of meh. In your case it seems you settled because people were pushing you in one direction or another. In my case just several things went wrong the day of which caused a lot of issues (caterer forgot food items, photographer was very late, etc). Everyone thought my day was beautiful and I still get compliments but I find myself wishing we had eloped in our honeymoon spot because our pictures would have been KILLER and then we we would have had money for furniture! Lol. Sorry you feel this way, bee. It sucks when you see others talk about how *perfect* their days were but in the end all that matters is that you have a good MARRIAGE!

Post # 3
Member
2238 posts
Buzzing bee

Consider this wedding mostly for the family.

If you want to, you and your husband can have another wedding just for the two of you. You can have your black dress and everything.

There are bed & breakfast packages that are perfect for occasions like these. There’s Vegas, of course. There are wedding and elopement services, too. This can be remedied.

Post # 4
Member
731 posts
Busy bee

have you talked this over with your husband?

You sound like me back when I had my first wedding with my husband, we had another ceremony at our 15th anniversary. My wedding was nice, and beautiful in many ways, and I have good memories, but I can’t really name one thing about it that was anything I had dreamed of.

My did my first wedding the way we did for a lot of good and senseable reasons, and lack of options at the time. The whole thing was pretty much a case of us choose the best option available. Some bad things happened at the wedding that were also left unresolved.

Years down the road, my husband and I had other options available that were much more like a wedding I had dreamed of. We had a small intimate affair with a few people and it was wonderful. I just wish I hadn’t waited so long to seriously talk it all over with my husband and have another ceremony. Ironically our 2nd was less expensive than our first.

This may not be the answer for everyone, but you are not alone with having wedding dissapointent, it happens. Feel free to send me a message on this is you want to chat, but I’m wondering if there could be some things that you could do to create new memories. Once I did that, I felt light a weight was lifted, and suddenly the things that made me upset about my first wedding didn’t bother me nearly as much. I was able to embrace the good parts of the first wedding. Maybe it’s just me, but once I realized I had the option of walking down the aisle again, wearing another gown vs feeling like ‘that was your one chance, that’s all you get, like it or not’ it really made the difference. Maybe others can just let it go for no particular reason, but based on what advice I’ve recieved, there’s often a process of healing, and people need to take different steps to do it. Having options made me feel like I could open up about it and finally do something vs just feeling like I had to live with it.

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
5387 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
nerk :  Do a 2nd ceremony sometime in the fall with just the 2 of you and wear the black dress you want then hire a photographer. There are venues which will let you do this even for free if there are no guests. If you look at one of the threads here today, munchkin0417 posted a pictorial after her wedding because she had a dress regret and many shots were not done during her wedding. She got the dress she wanted as well for the pictorial. Do it if it makes you feel happier.

Post # 7
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Except for repairing with other ceremonies and so on, which solves the feeling but not the issue, You should start doing things that YOU like and want – if not, how unsatisfied are you going to be throughout your life, and in a few years from now?

Post # 8
Member
731 posts
Busy bee

 

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aussietux :  very good point. When I wasn’t happy with my first wedding I should have spoken up. My husband was shocked when he found out about some of the issues I never mentioned. Paticularly since I didnt’ seem to have any troubles making my feelings and needs known in other areas. I loved my husband and my marriage, but in my case, focusing on that didn’t make me feel any less hurt that I didn’t get a chance to fulfill any of my wedding dreams.

Part of it was I didn’t want to break his heart, since he had wonderful memories, I didn’t see the point of hurting his good memories since I didn’t think I had a choice to make mine any better.

I just hope that other brides can learn from my mistake.

Post # 9
Member
7979 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

My wedding wasn’t the time of year I wanted, nor was it the style I wanted, but it was what DH wanted and it was his wedding, too. In order to have what I wanted, our families would not have been present and we wouldn’t have been married in a church, and those things mattered to DH. Ultimately, there isn’t really a compromise for those things. So, it is what it is, and I am just as married as if Elvis had married us in Vegas, so I’ll survive. It has NOTHING to do with everyday life, so IMO it’s time to get over it.

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