Post # 1
My fiance and I are both Christians, both belong to different churches, but neither of us attend on a regular basis. We are living in an apartment temporarily, and though we do wish to regularly attend church as a married couple, we don’t have to desire to settle down (or attend regularly) anywhere until after the wedding and purchase of a home, etc. We DO, however, want to have a Christian wedding in a church.
So here’s my question: is it offensive to a pastor/preacher/priest of a church to ask to be married there if I don’t belong or attend there regularly?
I’m not going to lie, I’ve chosen two different churches, based on appearance and location alone, that I would love to get married at. But after multiple attempts to communicate, neither of them seem to openly communicate with us.
I don’t know what to do. We originally wanted an outdoor wedding, so weren’t originally concerned about this. But now we’ve changed our mind, and I feel stuck.
Post # 3
Its definitely not offensive! Some churches won’t marry nonmembers, however. You usually have to ask. If they won’t talk to you, it’s probably a sign that they don’t (though it’s still rude on their part).
Post # 4
It’s not offensive but are you set on a church wedding? It’s a part of your life, but not a MAJOR part if there are any other locations you could check those out too! Some churches won’t marry non-members though.
Post # 5
Not offensive, we are currently doing the same thing. We come from two different religions but don’t really feel comfortable with either of our churches so we have been looking at others in the local area. Some churches won’t marry non members but just be honest with them and see what they say.
Post # 6
@TraceyLynn416: It’s not really rude to ask, some information about the church allowing weddings can be found on their websites, if they have one. Usually they charge a fee for this. It really depends on the church itself. If calling or emailing does not generate a response, try just going there physically. People can’t avoid you as easily. 🙂
Post # 7
It’s not offensive, but I can see why a lot of churches only want to marry members…they know and trust them.
When contacting the pastors, did you let on that you have no intention of joining their church or even attending any church until some undetermined time down the line? I could see them having a problem with that. They don’t want to turn their church into a community use building.
You can have a Christian wedding anywhere. If you don’t want it outside, there are usually other options. All of our surrounding counties do have community use buildings that are perfect for weddings. Check your county/next county over’s Parks & Recreation department. Ours have beautiful, affordable facilities for weddings!
Post # 8
@TraceyLynn416: No it’s not offensive. Most churches are used to non-members asking about weddings, and many (if not most) are happy to do it, though there is often a cost for non-members.
I find it odd that two different churches aren’t responding. Are you communicating in the wrong way? e.g. I can easily imagine some churches having an email which they hardly use. Have you phoned them or visited them in person?
Post # 9
You should go to the Church office after a mass or during their office hours. They may not recognize your name as a memeber so they aren’t calling you back. We were turned down by three churches because I was moving to the area, and Darling Husband isn’t catholic so he wasn’t a member of the churches therefore we hadn’t been attending for a year. So we didn’t have a church wedding.
Post # 10
Many people get married where they don’t even live, so churches are used to it! Phoning during office hours is usually best I find. Not all churches have hours M-F 9-5 and the secretaries do get busy.
Post # 11
Its is usually ok and not offensive. Fiance is catholic and I am Lutheran and we are getting married in a methodist church. we talked with the corridantor at the church explained which religon we both where and she said it was ok as their particular church is very laid back and have more of a christian ceremony. We wouldnt need to attend reguarly and the only thing the church asks of us as a couple is to sit downa nd talk with the pastor on three seprate occassions for an hour each. Not to bad to get married in the church I love (its beautiful) 🙂
Advice, if you just talk with the pastor explain what the situation is most of the pastors/priests I talked with were very understanding.
Post # 12
Like others said, its not offensive, but some churches won’t do it. What religions are you, and what religions are you looking at? I’m Lutheran, and my church is willing to marry non-members. I think Methodists are the same way.
Post # 13
forgot to add….. If your looking at Catholic churchs most of them require either you or your Fiance to be catholic religon as well as actively practicing and the catholic churches I was looking at required Fiance to get paperwork from his church back east saying he was a member and you have to do a weekend course for the church. I only found this with catholic churches though. Good Luck :L0
Post # 14
Thanks ladies 🙂 I don’t feel so bad now. The churches we are most interested in are an Episcopal church and a Methodist church, me being a General baptist, and him a Methodist. I’ve been trying to get ahold of them via phone with no luck, so maybe I can just show up sometime and have more luck.
Post # 15
@TraceyLynn416: In my experience Epsicopal, Methodist and Baptist churches are all usually pretty open to conducting weddings of non-members. So I think if you make proper contact it should go fairly well.