Post # 1
Please help as I am starting t get distressed. My SO and I have been talking about being engaged and married since Jan 2011. The plan was to be engaged by the end of the summer. SO apparently has o idea how much engagement and wedding can cost etc. He tells me to pick out what I like for a ring. After realizing I can’t find anything that I like in our price range, luckily, I learn about moissanite. I feel like that has been great, but he does not seem to acknowledge the savings based on my choice, which kind of pisses me off a bit. He has been having me do all of the leg work on the ring hunt because he “wants me to have exactly what I want.” I am struggling to find a setting that I like becaues I think deep down I am disappointed that he is not the one hunting for the ring. At this point though, I have invested so much time into trying to pinpoint what I want that now I really do want o pick my ring. Has anyone had this type of experience? I am not questioning his devotion to me- I just don’t feel “courted” and that kind of sucks. I have told him what I like in several jewelry stores. I kinda wish he would have just picked out something for me at this point. I feel so conflicted right now. The ring hunt is starting to make me feel sad 🙁
Post # 3
@Bells77: I honestly think he’s just trying to ensure that you have a ring you love and doesn’t want to screw it up or disappoint you. Can’t blame the guy. Why not compromise? Pick a ring you love and give him all the info on it on the condition that the rest of the proposal is 100% him.
I picked my own ring because really I just wanted a nice piece of jewelry to look at. A ring does not define where you guys are in your relationship.
Post # 4
I agre with PP. There are so many girls on here who had their Boyfriend or Best Friend pick out the ring and they really don’t liek it or even hate it. The courting hasn’t begun yet, he gets to choose how to give you the ring you want!
Post # 5
The solution to your situation is to look at him and say, “I want you to pick it.” The down side is you have to be happy with anything he chooses.
I’m the kind of person who is particular about jewelery.I chose and looked for rings because I knew if I had to wear it forever I wanted it to be “me.” (My husband tends to like things you can buy at the mall. I like different less mainstream things- I totally sound like a hipster).
Personally, I’d find three rings you love and have him choose between those. Give him the store or website name and leave the rest up to him- including the proposal if you’re doing a formal one (we ended up picking up my ring at the post office and he gave it to me with a big smile on his face. We went to lunch after to celebrate).
Post # 6
I totally agree with Maureen… I knew that I wanted to feel suprised and I wanted it to be something that he picked for me.. But I went into that knowing that I would have to be happy (or learn to be) with whatever he picked.. You have to decide what’s important to you.. You can’t have both.. Luckily my fiance picked out something I absolutely love! I went online with him and educated him on ring lingo and styles… Gave him general examples of do’s and don’ts.. And then I let it go.. He totally caught me off guard when he proposed.. And it was wonderful.. If you want to be suprised, don’t set a deadline.. If you want more control over it then let him know 🙂
Post # 7
@KatyElle: and @ MissasB Thanks, i guess think you both are right. I have looked at rings that I thought I loved and then when I try them on they are diffrent than what I expect. the whole thing is getting kind of ridiculous. I already picked my stone, so i kind of want to just pick a setting and be done wih it, lol. I feel like the romance is disappearing, but you are right- he romance is in the proposal. So thanks for making me feel better that he is not just being lazy and really does want what is best. It helps to have an objective viewpoint (or several :-p).
Post # 8
@maureen9004: I like your idea 🙂 I feel like I am getting unwillingly caught up in what I have been programmed to expect a from a proposal.
Post # 10
My boyfriend and I discussed what I should get for a ring. We decided that diamond wasn’t really “us” and that a sapphire would be awesome. So I found all the specs that I wanted in a sapphire and he bought my stone.
We then took my stone to several (pretty much every) jewelery store in a 50 Mile radius. He searched for the stores and told me which ones he wanted to go to, and we went together. It was actually pretty fun, we made several dates out of it. It was a lot of bonding time. Well, we found 5 or so rings that I really liked and that were in the price range, and then narrowed it down to about two.
Now it’s his turn to pick what ring I get. I kinda liked the way we did it. There’s still an element of surprise, I get something I like, and he gets to pick it. 😀
Post # 11
Originally I wanted to be surprised, too. But I’m also picky about my jewelry so I gave him some parameters (stone shape, metal preference, halo–that sort of thing). In the end, he had a favorite, we went to see it, he bought it today. And once it’s sized he’ll do the official asking and offering.
Was I disappointed because the ring wasn’t a surprise? I thought I’d be but I’m not. Pick what you want, tell him to get it for you and move on to the next chapter 🙂
Post # 12
I think its sweet that he wants you to have what you want, but if it is bothering you then tell him how you are feeling. If you have given him a base or guidelines of what you like then he should be able to take it from here if you want him to.