(Closed) My mom is sick, need advice (LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My only advice is to love her through it. I don’t understand is she sick or did she develop an eating disorder?

If it’s the latter, you guys should go to therapy and work with develop healthy boundaries. I’m sure it’s stressful but if your Mom is sick you have to try to be patient with her.

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow I normally think of as a teenage thing, but it must effect women of all ages. That sad, hopefully she can pull it together.

My only other suggestion is that you should also take breaks. Explain to her that you are g going to busy for the next week or so,  or even for the weekend then tell your father and brother and they only call if something that can’t wait.

Post # 6
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

I just read your other post, and forgive me if I’m intruding, but is you mum acting this way because of your father? In which case, your parents need to go for couples counselling asap. Is she losing the will to stay healthy or feeling empty in any way? I know, she already underwent therapy, but still…

As for you, I know it’s a trying situation and you have my full sympathy but she’s still your mum. Mine is a narcissist, hence lacks the ability to give love like a normal person. Some days it becomes difficult even being in the same room with her. What is God’s plan, why some people are blessed with liberal, loving families while others have to deal with more challenging households is a question to which perhaps there is no answer. You can only do your bit and hope everything turns out fine. Keep a cool head and bring out your best side. Give her all your love and consideration. Otherwise someday you will regret not having done enough for her.

Post # 7
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think you should shut her out…that may drive her to cling to her disorder even more. But I know it’s frustrating and there is a difference between enabling her and just listening when she needs to talk. 

Post # 11
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@Anamagana:  That’s great to know. His support surely means a lot to her. I am sure your mum will slowly come to terms with you and your brother being grown ups and will realize that although the manner in which you show your love to her has changed, your feelings towards her remain the same. I really pray that all of you soon find love and peace in your lives.

Post # 12
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Anorexia is very difficult to treat. She needs the assistance of someone who specializes in it. Ayahuasca??! I don’t think that’s one of the scientifically backed treatment approaches. To be honest that guy sounds like he might be a little loony. I’d replace that guy with an eating disorders specialist if I were you.

Post # 14
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

@Anamagana:  Sorry, I thought you meant the *psychiatrist* told you that. Yeah, ok, that makes more sense. Glad it wasn’t a psychiatrist handing out such gems of advice like that! …don’t replace your brother, lol!

Post # 16
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

“So, im starting to get tired of this, she’s not taking any responsability and she acts like a child, i have my own life to take care of, i cant be taking care of her if she doesnt do her part.”

@Anamagana:  She is your mum and you are her daughter. You have every right to love and respect her but it is NOT your responsibility if she doesn’t want to help herself. 

I kind of get the feeling that she is using her eating (or lack of) as a way to get some feeling of control in the emotional situation of you leaving and her not feeling a great relationship with your dad.

I think you need to sit down with her and say something along the lines of “I love you and really want you to get better but you need to start wanting this for yourself. I will be more than happy to take you to see *doctor, specialist etc* to help you get control of this eating disorder and I will talk to you at night a few times a week but you have to stop calling me so much. You need to understand that while I want the best for you I have to take care of myself as well.”

Make sure you are there for her when she needs it and asks for help but at the moment it sounds like she is using not eating as a way to get the attention she craves from you and your siblings.

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