(Closed) Looking for Advice – Marital Rape and Affair – But I want to make it work!

posted 9 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

What?? No, you need to leave. He raped you and you were to the point of suicide and you wanna work it out?? No no no. Leave. And you need to talk to a therapist ASAP.

Post # 3
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2021

He’s not the person for you. 

Post # 4
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

northernlights19 :  please leave ASAP. Get professional help and never look back. Work on building your life independently and getting stronger and happier. You can do this.

Things with your (soon to be ex) husband won’t get better so why would you want to return to your rapist who drove you to suicidal thoughts? 

Post # 5
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee

northernlights19 :  Please don’t work this out. Marital rape is not ok. Being drunk does not excuse him. This is not normal. This does not happen in every marriage. You deserve better. You deserve to be safe. You will not be safe with him.

Please find friends and family that you can trust and stay with them for a while. You need to be safe. And you need to get yourself out of a toxic and dangerous situation. Once you’re safe, then work on healing. You deserve to be happy.

Post # 6
Member
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

northernlights19 :  Good God. I’m so sorry bee. You were raped. And your rapist was your husband. There’s no working this out. Please bunk up with any local friend or family, or hotel room. And get out of there. Please focus on your safety. Prayers.

Post # 7
Member
1374 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Please don’t stay with him! Marital rape is not normal and it’s illegal. No marriage should be this way. 

Post # 8
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee

 You haven’t done anything wrong bee. You terminated a pregnancy because if you didn’t you would be bringing a child into a very unstable situation and that in my opinion is very responsible of you. 

Your partner sounds like a domineering rapist and it’s’ no wonder why you want to be the hell away from him. He makes you feel like shit. Your husband should be the one person who makes you feel amazing and safe every day. 

I think you should reach out to your friends and family and tell them everything. Let them help you. Don’t worry about what your husbands family thinks. Just let your friends and family support you as you would do for them. 

Big hugs

Post # 9
Member
8859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Martial rape is not something that happens in every marriage and you absolutely do not need to just get over it.

You should have left then and you should leave now. Your marriage is not safe and your husband is not a good man. Please find somewhere safe to stay and call a lawyer.

I would also find a therapist because it sounds like you have been through so much and there is a lot to work though. But none of your energy should be spent trying to save your marriage. Spend all your energy on saving yourself and getting out of this terrible marriage.

Post # 10
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re apparently surrounded by toxic sexist people, but please know that marital rape is NOT normal and NOT okay and that the way your husband treats you is 100% unacceptable. Being drunk is no excuse. Plenty of men get drunk and don’t rape anybody ever. 

And I’m sorry the people around you have normalized such shitty behavior that you think this is worth saving. It’s not. This isn’t love. 

Post # 11
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You say you want to one day be happy, and I believe you can be… if you leave him. Please, go. This isn’t a case of working through a tough time. He raped you! 

I feel like maybe you are taking his rape and your affair and feeling like they almost cancel out so that you’re equal. That isn’t how it works. In this situation your affair is honestly an irrelevant side issue – it is a symptom caused by his treatment of you. 

He is not a good man. He is not a man you should be with. He is horrible and his family is horrible. Just because you’ve been together for 10 years doesn’t mean you should keep being together going forward. 

Post # 12
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Was your pregnancy the result of an extramarital affair with the coworker? 

Post # 13
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

jannigirl :  I feel like that’s what she was saying… that she cheated on her husband and got an abortion to cover it up… am I wrong? northernlights19 :  

Post # 14
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee

jannigirl :   travelingbee3 :  Does it matter? Her husband raped her. Whatever affairs she had do not diminish his crime against her. Nor are any affairs she may have had equivalent in any sense to the magnitude of what he did to her. If we’re counting who wronged who, her affairs barely move the scale compared to him raping her.

Post # 15
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 

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